North Star Mental Fitness Blog

Stress and Mental Fitness Training

The reality of stress can not be dismissed or minimized.  We are living in a world

Identify Signals; Not Problems; Not Symptoms!

Identify signals is the fifth blog in the series, If You Can Drive a Car, You Can Have Satisfying and Sensitive Relationships.  So far we have established

Fight the Giants in Your Life

There are giants in all of our lives.  The Giants that we face take many forms.  For some it is declining health.  For others it may be the economy; lost jobs, failed mortgages or depreciated savings.  For others it may be big bgovernment or political pressures and fears.  For others it may be relationship conflicts or concerns regarding your children.  For some it may be obtaining an education, finding a job, grieving the loss of a loved one or finding a new relationship.

Everyone has Giants in their lives.  Remember the opening scene from the movie "Troy".  Achilles  faced the Giant Thessalonian.  Everyone feared the Giant except for Achilles.  Remember the conversation with a small child, who questioned the wisdom of fighting the Giant.  The child was afraid to face the Giant and Achilles responded "that is why you will not be remembered".

Remember the story about David and Goliath.  Even when we feel that we can't defeat the Giants in our life, it is important to stand up and fight.  The Giants may be overwhelming.  We may think that what we can do is insignificant.  Even though we feel beaten down, we must not quit and give up.  We must rise up from our doubts, fears and anxiety.

We must become stronger than the Giants in our lives.  We must stand up and face our problems and find solutions.  We must leave a successful legacy for ourselves, family and society.  We must do whatever is necessary to take care of ourselves and defeat the Giants in our lives.

CJ Lee wrote a very interesting commentary regarding Achilles defeat of the Thessalonian Giant.  He entitled his post "Live Life without Regrets".  CJ realized that problems are really opportunities.  He wrote:

"Once in a lifetime opportunities should not be hampered by fear. They should be embraced with positive thinking, will, and determination. This does not ensure that everything will go right every time, but you will certainly live a life without regret, because you were not afraid to pull the trigger. Doing things that will last forever separates you from others, and to do something that will last forever is probably the greatest opportunity a human can get."

Defeating the Giants in your life, will not only solve the immediate problems in your life, it will also make you stronger and you will leave a wonderful legacy for those who follow. 

Remember, You Live within the Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

 

New Year's Acceptance

Almost 2 weeks ago, we made our New Year's resolutions.  In my last blog I emphasized the necessity of having New Year's courage to actualize and experience successful resolutions.

New Year's Acceptance is also an important ingredient necessary for successful achievement of your New Year's resolutions. 

In order to courageously persist, achieve and celebrate your successful resolutions, you are going to have to overcome innumerable obstacles and frustrations.

We hate frustrations and obstacles.  However, it is highly unlikely that you will be able to obtain your New Year's resolutions without overcoming frustrations and obstacles.

After two weeks, you undoubtedly are aware of some of the frustrations that you will have to overcome or work through in order to be successful.

I suggest that you make a list of the 10 biggest frustrations that you will have to master and overcome in order to achieve your New Year's resolutions.  Then decide whether you are willing to accept the frustrations in order to achieve your goal. 

If you decide that you can accept these frustrations and obstacles, then you will be successful.

If there are some frustrations that you will have difficulty accepting, then continue to plant the thought in your mind that you can accept even these frustrations.

Whenever these frustrations occur in the pursuit of your New Year's resolutions, remind yourself that you will accept the frustration in order to be successful.

People, who will be successful in reaching their New Year's resolutions, will be willing to accept the frustrations necessary for success and will courageously pursue their goals.

Remember, You Live within the Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

I WANT FREEDOM FROM

New Year's Resolutions-what has happened to your New Year's resolutions?  It does not matter what your resolutions were.  What matters is whether you are going to be successful! 

Most people will give up on their resolutions before the end of the month.  It is only two weeks into the new year.  Are you still on course to realize your dreams?

Are you celebrating each day's success toward achieving your goal?

Or has the going become tedious?  Are you struggled with quitting?

Has what you wanted turned into what you have to do? 

Do you find yourself struggling and motivating yourself out of the desperate feeling that you just have to reach your goals?

Or have you convinced yourself that you can't be successful or you really didn't want to be successful in actualizing a resolution?

The purpose of this post is to encourage you to try one of the most basic mental fitness strategies.  Don't motivate yourself out of what you "should" do or "have" to do.  Motivate yourself out of freedom!  Motivate yourself out of what you want!

As I have said before, if you motivate yourself out of words that we use to punish, you will not reach long-range and permanent success.  We do not want to equate your successful endeavors with a feeling of punishment.  No one likes to be punished forever.  If success feels like punishment, then success turns into failure when we no longer want to be punished.

I would like to have you consider motivating yourself with the words "I want freedom from".  Some of you may want freedom from being obese.  Others may want freedom from smoking or any addiction.  Still others may want freedom from being unfaithful.  Others may want freedom from anger and rage.  Many want freedom from despair and depression.  There are many people want freedom from anxiety.  Many many of us want freedom poor health.

No matter what your problem is, you can motivate yourself by thinking that you want freedom from your problem.  In fact, that more you think about becoming free from your problem the more freedom you will experience. 

To refresh your mind, repeat the thought "I want freedom from this problem"frequently throughout the day. 

When you have the opportunity to actualize or destroy your dream, verbalize to yourself "I want freedom from this problem". 

Before long you may surprise yourself.  You will begin to feel the excitement, energy and courage generated by freedom.  You'll have the power of freedom to overcome your problem.

When Your Adult Child Is in Trouble or Troubled

His college-age son recently attempted suicide.  Her daughter has made numerous bad decisions and currently is in a dead-end relationship.  Her daughter repeatedly asks for money and never manages her money well. 

Nothing Is As Bad As It Seems!

On September 16, 2007 I wrote this post at the North Star Mental Fitness Blog.  As I read it again, I realize that it is very pertinent and relevant to today's economic climate.  Therefore, I chose to publish it again.

"Nothing is as good as it seems.  Nothing is as bad as it seems.  Reality is somewhere in between."  Lou Holtz made this statement in talking about Notre Dame's dismal start to the 2007 season.

There is no doubt that Notre Dame has played poorly this year.  Lou Holtz is a veteran coach.  What a wonderful message to give to a struggling team.  "Nothing is as bad as it seems" is a message of hope and encouragement.

Too often we engage in catastrophic thinking.  Life sometime seems so overwhelming.  We struggle to cope with the recurring stresses in our lives.  We feel stuck in circumstances that seem overbearing.  We tried everything and nothing seems to work.  We feel defeated.  Personality conflicts endure. Misunderstandings and insensitivities abound.  Losses in life accumulate.  Maybe it's a job loss or declining health.  Maybe it's a death of someone close to you.  Maybe it's an illness of a child or family member.  Maybe its financial or spiritual.  Maybe it's called midlife crisis, divorce, bankruptcy or an illness.

We are convinced it's as bad as it seems.

Last week almost everyone was convinced that the University of Michigan's football team was as bad as it seemed.  Yesterday, they won convincingly.  They were led to victory by their mentally tough halfback, Michael Hart.  Michael Hart was convinced that the University of Michigan football team was not as bad as it seemed and he promised a victory against Notre Dame.

Michael Hart's belief in his team, mental fitness, confidence, and courage turned the erroneous conclusion "it's as bad as it seems" into "its not as bad as it seems".

I hope it is reassuring for you to realize when you are stretched to the breaking point and emotionally devastated "it's not as bad as it's seems ". There will be solutions.  There will be sufficient inner strength.  There are people who will care and be there for you.  There are solutions inside of yourself to solve your problems.  Look inside of yourself rather than expecting others to change.  Rally your resources and realize tomorrow's a different day. 

What you do today, may work tomorrow as tomorrow is a different day.  What you do tomorrow can be different than what you did today.

You can go from losing to winning even after you've had significant defeats and losses.  You can remain confidence in yourself in spite of all of the problems in your life.  Courageously think and work to turn your life around.

Remember, the Law of Attraction.  How you think about your life creates your life.  When life is at it's worse, your thinking doesn't have to be at it's worst.  Think; then actively pursue with confidence and courage the way you want your life to be. 

"Nothing Is As Bad As It Seems" is a hopeful and encouraging statement for us to consider, when we are about to lose all hope and motivation.  Even regarding our current economy, might "Nothing Is As Bad As It Seems" be a better thought that a doomsday thought?

Remember, We Live within the Environment Created by Our Thoughts!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

If you want to know more about Michael Hart and his overcoming the death of her sister, please read "Do You Have the Desire to Overcome?"

Dare to Be Economically Free!

Positive Thoughts to Give You a Boost

As our economy drifts into recession, we do not have to sink into depression.  No matter how bad or good situations become, we always have choices!

In any and every situation, we have choices! 

• We can always find problems or we can always find opportunities!


• We can find our strengths or weaknesses!


• We can find happiness or unhappiness!


• We can feel or despair!

Dale Carnegie wrote about the importance of thinking. 

"It isn’t what you have,
or who you are,
or where you are,
or what you are doing
that makes you happy or unhappy.
It is what you think about".

Today I would like to share with you some historical quotations and positive thoughts for you to think about and hopefully to give you a boost.  For more quotations I refer you to Beyond Positive Thinking.  How about holding on to this?  "Everything will be greatly in the end... if it's not great, it's not the end".

"People are not disturbed by things, but by the view they take of them" is a timeless quote from Epictetus.

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy" .  This powerful and relevant quote was from the mind of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

"It isn't your position that makes you happy or unhappy.  It's your disposition."  This quotation was from O. S. Marden.

“A pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty” was the belief of  Winston Churchill.

George Bernard Shaw put the importance of choice making into perspective when he said "Some men see things as they are, and ask, “why?” I dare to dream of things that never were, and ask—”Why not?” 

It is important to value the importance and strength of our choice making.  Let us take the challenge from Jack Welch.  "Control your destiny or someone else will". 

Remember, You Will Live within the Environment Created by Your Choices!

Sudden Change: Psychologically Coping with Economic and Political Losses

How do you deal with devastating and catastrophic economic and political losses from a mental fitness perspective?

Let us begin with Expectation.  When you are mentally fit, you have the expectation that things can go wrong, drastically wrong.  Nothing in life is a continual high.  Although times of prosperity are more pleasing to our psyche, we must expect that there will be good times as well as bad times.  We cannot be prepared for life if we do not have an Expectation that there will be good and bad times economically and politically in our lives.

Secondly, there is Acceptance.  When you are mentally fit, you accept the reality and normalcy of highs and lows in our lives.  It is important to accept the fact that there will be economical and political losses in our lives.  Painful emotions associated with losses can be filtered and lessened by applying  Acceptance.  Acceptance is not the same as liking.  We can accept economic and political losses and still not like them.

Recognition is the third concept.  Expectation and acceptance of the realities of life are useless if we cannot recognize the signals and nature of economic and political losses.  Too often we become complacent.  Too often we deny and rationalize when things are beginning to go wrong.  We must be aware and vigilant in recognizing economic and political losses.  When economic and political losses descend upon us, we must recognize them before we can take constructive action.

The world of sports provides great analogies and strategies for coping with economic and political losses.  In sports the concept of momentum is important.  It is important to generate momentum and keep momentum going, even when momentum breakers occur.

In our economic and political aspects of our lives, it is important to maintain momentum, when we have times of economic and political losses.  The mortgage crisis, credit freeze, political and economic corruption are all potential momentum breakers.  These momentum breakers can destroy our confidence, hope and motivation.  We do not have to be defeated by these momentum breakers.

The legendary University of Michigan football coach, Bo Schembechler had a wonderful strategy for overcoming momentum breakers.  He called it "Sudden Change".  It did not matter whether the momentum breaker was a fumble or interception.  He taught and trained his players and coach to yell Sudden Change, when there was a momentum breaker.  He also instilled the belief in his players and coaches and trained them to play harder with greater commitment and passion following a momentum breaker.

It also does it matter what the momentum breaker is in our life regarding our economics and politics. 

When we have a momentum breaker in our economic and political lives, it is important to yell Sudden Change and dig in with commitment and passion to defeat the economic and political losses in our lives.  In terms of the old saying "when the going gets tough, the tough get going".

As we live in times of economic losses and perhaps political losses, let us not use our energies to fight the acceptance and reality of the losses.  Let us accept our losses and set appropriate expectations for the future regarding losses. 

Let us energize ourselves with renewed energy, renewed dreams, commitment and passion to overcome whatever economic and political obstacles occur in the process of our self-actualization in the economic and political aspects of our lives!

We must remember We Live within the Economic and Political Environment Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach