North Star Mental Fitness Blog

You Don't Get Any Better, When....

"When you start taking things personally that is when you don't get better"!

This was University of Michigan football player, Morgan Trent's profound, psychological insight regarding accepting intense, emotional instruction from his coaches.  Sam Webb from Go Blue Wolverine interviewed Morgan Trent regarding the yelling and highly confrontive coaching style of the new coaches.

Morgan Trent went on to say about taking things personally:

"You want to get upset and that never helps you out.  You have to understand and get to a point where you have to realize they are only trying to help you. 

Rich Rod always says that he always wants to take you to a place that you can't take yourself and he does.  It is a difficult painful project but that is his main goal."

Morgan also had a wonderful perception.  Oftentimes, when people take things personally, they feel disrespected.  Morgan Trent realizes that his coaches are not trying to be disrespectful.  He told Sam

"Our coaches are never disrespectful.  I don’t know what you have heard.  They weren’t coming in and acting crazy and cussing everybody out just for fun and trying to break you down.  It wasn’t that.  It is just a different style of coaching.  They still have respect for us and they would never do anything to disrespect us or anything like that.”

In our personal lives we we must learn to not take coaching personal. Sometimes we enroll in classes or activities, where we will be coached.  On other occasions, we and our significant others try to coach each other.

In our personal lives, it is also important to learn how to not feel disrespected, put down, and maintain the perception that our family members are trying to help us instead of attack or demean us.

Too often, our insecurities intrude into our perceptions and as a result we personalize highly emotional reactions from those who want to help us.

Although it is hard, it is emotionally more satisfying to remember that our significant others are respectful, helpful and loving even when their coaching techniques are difficult to accept.  

Remember, We Live within the Environment Created by Our Choices.

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

My next blog will focus on learning how to not personalize in situations where people are not trying to be helpful

Relationship First Aid

Here are four ways you can improve your relationships.  The first three ideas were written in a post "Managing Your Mind: Relationship Part Two.  I have also added the fourth idea. 

1.  "Work on changing yourself, not on changing others". 

2.  "Changes take time.  When you change the way in which you relate to others, they may resist that change and do things to make you change back."

3.  "Work with people as they are" and

4.  "Focus on creating the type of relationships you want rather than reacting and escalating conflicts.

Applying these four ideas in your relationships can significantly reduce conflicts and painful feelings. 

Remember, You Live within Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Do You Have An Attention Problem?

Life decisions begin the moment you awaken and end when you go to sleep at night.  During your waking hours, you make hundreds of decisions.  The nature of your particular circumstances will not matter.  What matters is the fact that you are perpetually making difficult, life decisions throughout the day.

Life decisions are becoming more difficult, because of the economy and raising fuel costs. 

The Real Battle Is Inside the Mind

I read a wonderful article on Mental Fitness by Mark Salinas.  I urge you to read this article as it is loaded with mental fitness tips.

Mark wrote "athletes know their real battle is not so much on the field or track, but inside their mind". 

This quotation reminds me of a talk I had with a very skilled archer.  For 10 years, he could not get past shooting 90%.  Shooting 9 out of 10 arrows successfully sounded great to me, but not for a professional archer.  Only after studying mental fitness and sports psychology was he able to improve his shooting.

As I read what Mark wrote, I quickly realized that people's problems with their spouses, children, parents, employers or employees are not due to the other individual.  We like to blame other people and wish that they would change.  Professional athletes and athletes in the stadiums of human experience, know that the battle is inside their mind.  We must learn how to change how we think about the important people in our lives in order to change our feelings and reduce our conflicts.

From a mental fitness perspective, you can change your feelings by changing your thinking; not by trying to change the other person.  The other person does not have to make significant changes in order for us to change our feelings.  Your mental fitness can never be dependent on someone else.  Your mental fitness depends on your thinking and mind conditioning. 

Mark put it this way "it is a must that you manage your mental state".

Your thinking for victorious living depends on training your mind to be fit and tough.  This is why I became a Life and Mental Fitness Coach.

Remember, You Live within the Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Announcing the Mind Fitness Newsletter

For a long time I have been blogging.  In fact, I have made 350 posts.  I have enjoyed the new acquaintances I have made, including fellow bloggers with similar interests.  I have especially enjoyed and appreciated the comments made by readers of my blog.

As you may have noticed, the frequency of my posts has decreased.  I have been researching various ideas for increasing interpersonal interaction and communication between myself and the readers of this blog.  Blogging has been way too impersonal form me and I think for most of my readers.

I want to know my readers.  I want to know  your feelings, thoughts and goals.  I want to interact with you, my readers, while you are applying mental fitness concepts to improve the quality of your lives.  I want to know where you are stuck and where you are progressing.

I have chosen to start a newsletter by the name of "Mind Fitness".  I have some great ideas regarding how to make mental fitness more personal and interactive.  I'll also be asking you for your ideas.

You may have noticed on the upper right corner of my blog, there is a "Sign Me Up" place for you to click and become a recipient of the newsletter.  The newsletter will be free.  I hope you will sign up.  However, I hope you will only sign up if you want to interact and feel empowered in applying mental fitness in your life.

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Coaching Passion

"I want to make sure they have passion for what we are
doing and it is not fake passion".

This was not a statement from a woman wanting to be loved by her significant other.

This was a statement from a man wanting to be sexually fulfilled in a relationship with a significant other.

This statement was made by University of Michigan Football Coach, Rich Rodriguez.  Coach wanted his players to be emotionally and physically capable of functioning at peak performances.  He wanted to weed out those who want the glory of being on the team, but were not willing to work hard enough to be champions.

I pondered this statement as I realized how relevant it was for any team or relationship.  Just being on the team is not enough for passion. 

Is the mere presence of being on the team "fake passion"? 

If a person is not willing to push him or herself, work hard and prepare to become a champion, does it mean they have "fake passion"?

Is coach Rodriguez right?

Is it necessary to work hard, prepare to overcome frustrations, and be physically and mentally fit in order to be passionate?

From a mental fitness perspective, it is important to think thoughts that will generate passion.

It doesn't matter what game it is.  What matters is training and learning to think in a way to generate passion!

Remember, We Live with Passion Or Lack of Passion Created by the Choices We Make!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

 

There Is a Cure for Choking And Loss of Momentum

"Tonight I was playing in the finals of a local tournament and missed the nineball in two games. Due to these misses, I came in second place.

Is there a cure for this disease?"

 

This was the gut wrenching plea from a frustrated billiard player, who wrote "Choking nine balls? Help!

 

Is there a cure for choking and loss of momentum?

Choking and loss of momentum are seen on a daily basis in every sport.  Errors and mistakes are inevitable and part of amateur and professional sports. 

Phil Rogers of the Chicago Tribune humorously wrote about choking by one of baseball's super stars, Soriano:

Boren Divorces Michigan Football Team

Divorces and blending family issues occur in sports as well in families.  Lloyd Carr resigned as coach of the U of Michigan football team and most of his coaches were not rehired.  Some players including potential stars left the team.  Justin Boren and his team remained with their mother, the U of Michigan.

Problems really started brewing when the new step-father, Rich Rodriquez divorced West Virginia to take over the leadership role at U of M.  Even now, Coach Rod is still in the middle of a very messy divorce from West Virginia with the unfortunate allegations and legal entanglements common in divorce. 

The mother or U of M football hired Coach Rod to change the culture and family values at the U of M.  Too many losses to Ohio State, underdogs liked Appalachian State, spread offenses and bowl games.  Like so many sons and daughters in families of divorce, Justin Boren and some of his teammates did not like the new father figure changing the family dynamics and culture.  Coach Rod has become the "evil step-father" pushing the mother's "lax children" to greater achievement through hard work, strict rules and new expectations.

Justin like many children in divorce has verbally acted-out and ran away from home.   

Pleasing Others

Are you living within the environment created by pleasing others or are you living within the environment created by taking care of yourself?

Today I talked to a depressed man, who has centered his live around pleasing others.

Why was he depressed?

Silda Spitzer Standing Strong and Standing Up Elliott

Heartbreak!  Heart broken!  Her dreams broken!  Her life twisted and  turned upside down by the whirlwind disclosures of her husband's infidelity.  The essence of her marriage destroyed.

Holding in her pain as seen in her face and facing the entire world and media, she stood strong and committed to herself and her role. 

From a mental fitness and mental toughness perspective, I admire and respect Silda Spitzer.  Let's get it right.  Our eyes betray us and pictures did not tell the complete story.  Silda Spitzer is not and was not standing behind Eliot.

Silda Spitzer has been standing with her husband throughout his career. 

Silda Spitzer has been standing in front of her husband throughout his career.  She has been his solace, coach, guide and resource person.  What we see in the famous pictures is not Silda standing behind Eliot. Instead, we once again see Silda behind the scenes standing up Eliot!