North Star Mental Fitness Blog

Does Your Child Have an Empty Heart?

Read about Empty Heart, if you are a parent who acts as if your children don't feel.  Please read about Empty Heart, if you have purposely, inappropriately or unwittingly rejected or unnecessarily been angry towards your children.

I Am an Awesome Person!

She has large brown eyes and a big smile on her face as she anxiously and then more confidently shocked me with her self-assessment. 

"IN SPITE OF EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED TO ME, I AM AN AWESOME PERSON"!

She went on to tell me how important it is to not allow her past to influence her life.  Although she is only 16, she expressed a mindset crafted by very few people.

You might ask what could have happened to her in 16 years.

18 Mother's Day Quotes

Happy Mothers Day!

For those of you

• who are without your mother today 
• emjoying your mother 
• being a mother or
• beconing a mother
  
  
  Let us remember our mothers and the importance of mothers!

Please Enjoy these "Mother" Quotations

 

A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials, heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine, desert us when troubles thicken around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts. -- Washington Irving (1783-1859)

"The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness." -- Honore' de Balzac (1799-1850)

"My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute all my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her." -- George Washington (1732-1799)

All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel Mother." -- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

"I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life." -- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

"God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers." -- Jewish proverb

"The mother's heart is the child's schoolroom." -- Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1887)

"Youth fades; love droops, the leaves of friendship fall; A mother's secret hope outlives them all." -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)

Most mothers are instinctive philosophers. Harriet Beecher Stowe

Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible. Marion C. Garretty

Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever. Unknown

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. Peter De Vries

A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. Tenneva Jordan

If the whole world were put into one scale, and my mother in the other, the whole world would kick the beam. Lord Langdale aka Henry Bickersteth)

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.  She never existed before.  The woman existed, but the mother, never.  A mother is something absolutely new.  Rajneesh

Mother - that was the bank where we deposited all our hurts and worries. T. DeWitt Talmage

A mother understands what a child does not say. Unknown

Thank You Mothers.

We Live Within the Worlds and Mindsets Created by Our Mothers!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

 

How Important Are Grandparents?

From a sociological perspective, more and more grandparents are spending their golden years taking care of their grandchildren.  In many societies, grand parenting is a vital part of the family structure.  In our highly mobile society, grandparents are not involved within the family structure.  In our highly disposable society, grandparents may also become disposable.

At least, sometimes, grandparents feel as if there is an expiration date on their relationship with their grandchildren.  Grandparents may feel insecure in their place within the family structure.  They may question their importance.  Some grandparents are fearful of over-extending their boundaries and fearful of self-actualizing in their role as a grandparent.

In the last few weeks, I've been talking to a man who has been extremely concerned about his grandson.  This grandfather had  bonded with his grandson and now does not have any contact with his grandson.  This grandfather made a very difficult decision.  His daughter was abusing drugs.  He confronted his daughter.  Since she was resistant to entering substance abuse treatment, he asked her to leave his home.  She took her son and has refused any contact between her son and the grandfather.  

I have also been talking to a man who has been a wife's nightmare.  He has been a serial cheater.  Analysis of his childhood indicated that he was always fearful of his mother removing him from his grandmother.  He perceived his grandmother as loving him.  He became fearful of forming close relationships.  His wife became like his grandmother.  He knew his wife loved him.  Whenever there was potential conflict, he ran away from his wife into another relationship.

As I thought about these two men, I began thinking about the importance of grand parenting.  Grand parenting can provide psychological security, love, values and stability for grandchildren.  Grand parenting can definitely assist parents in raising their children.

I ask you, how important is grand parenting in your family?  Is it important for you to have grandparents play a crucial role in raising your children?  It is important for your  children's grandparents to feel secure, spontaneous and free to be themselves with your children?

Remember, We Live WIthin the Families Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Mother and Grandmother Issues

Relationships are often times very difficult.  At tiesm relationships between mothers and grandmothers are especially difficult.  I am quite sure that the relationships between mothers and grandmothers can be associated with tremendous emotional pain for both the mothers and grandmothers.

MALE RULES

Male rules?  What are male rules? 

I found this article explaining male rules in a local newspaper dedicated to humor.  I found the rules to be humorous.  Then it hit me.  Some of these rules, if not most of the rules, probably are operating in the minds of men and create never-ending pain in relationship with women.

With a smile on my face, I hope you will enjoy MALE RULES, which are quoted as written in The Good Life..

My Valentine

Today is Valentine's Day.  A special day to refresh our minds regarding how important our valentines are to us.  A special day to clear out the garbage that spoils are perceptions, thoughts, feelings and actions towards those we love.

Sexual Differences in Memory

Have you been puzzled or frazzled by the differences in memory between men and women?

So many conflicts are generated over women's ability to remember everything and men's ability to remember almost nothing. 

My Wife Is a Messy House Keeper

I talked to a man who found a mental fitness solution for living with a messy housekeeping wife. I am sure that many men and women have had similar complaints about their spouses. Read on to find out about his solution.

Change Blndness

Change blindness refers to our failure to perceive large changes in pictures.  Researchers have shown that many people are blind to changes in their visual perception, when the changes are arranged to occur simultaneously with extraneous brief disruption in their visual continuity.

The Glenn Beck blog has a demonstration of change blindness.  I suggest that you look at this video in order to obtain a first-hand experience regarding change blindness.  Even if you disagree with Mr. Beck's political views, please look at this example of change blindness.

I noticed change blindness frequently in my practice as a licensed psychologist.  I have seen this in marriage and family counseling.  Oftentimes, a family member make significant changes which are not seen by other family members.

Most recently, I consulted with a couple demonstrating this principle.  One of the spouses felt that the other spouse was "not there" during an ongoing, stressful and difficult work assignment.  The other spouse trying to compensate by doing more, but admitted psychologically there was a lack of emotional understanding and support.

The offended spouse has concluded that the partner "was and is not supportive".  Through the counseling process, the offending spouse has significantly changed and is now supportive.  The offending spouse is even supportive of the offended spouse's wish to leave the relationship.

The offended spouse does not see the change in support and continues to seek other spouse as "not supportive".

The bottom line is that we need to pay attention to what is really occurring in our relationships and life spaces.  Even at the perceptual level we we fail to see changes in our external world and relationships. 

Remember, We Live within the Environment Created by Our Visual Acuity or Blindness!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach