North Star Mental Fitness Blog

Mindsets For Success

What motivates you?  What is your mindset?  Your mindset is important in every aspect of your life.

We have a very depressing economy.  The value of our property is depreciating due to the mortgage fiasco.  Many people are worried about maintaining their employment or have lost their employment.  Financial pressures magnify problems within marriages and families.

Your mindset determines your financial, interpersonal and psychological status in your life!  Today I would like to talk about three different mindsets.

When things go bad in life, many people often exercise the mindset of "not losing".  They seem to have a mindset that says "I don't want to lose".  Although this mindset may be appropriate at some times in our lives, it usually results in people becoming defensive and protective of themselves and their resources.  They try to hold on to what they have rather than increasing what they have.  They try to hold onto who they have been rather than growing and changing.  They are motivated to not lose rather than to win!

The second mindset is a mindset to win.  With this mindset a person is motivated and dedicated to win.  No matter how bad the circumstances are, this person is motivated to win at all costs.  You probably have heard the saying "when the going gets tough, the tough get going"!  With this mindset, people, often times, are obsessed with winning.  They view life as competition and they always have to win.  They seem to not enjoy what they accomplish and who they are.  They are devastated when they cannot win.

The third mindset is a mindset leading to self-actualization and growth.  Problems in living are perceived to be opportunities; opportunities for learning, changing and growing.  Dr. Alan Goldberg put it this way "You must let go of that obsessive need to win or beat others (which is actually limiting you) and instead focus on being the very best that YOU can be. Simply put you must make your goal improvement, NOT winning.

Steve Siebold writes about the differences in mindsets between the middle class and millionaires in his new book, How Rich People Think.   Steve wrote  "It's no mystery why 1% of Americans own 42% of the country's wealth. The good news is the rich are no smarter than the rest of us, they just think differently about money. The secret is to learn their thought processes, habits and philosophies and copy them. It's that simple, and this is what this book is all about."

In your relationships, are you:

1. Trying to not lose?
2. Trying to win?
3. Trying to grow and be yourself?

In your financial life, are you:

1. Trying to not lose?
2. Trying to win?
3. Trying to grow and be yourself?Remember,

Remember, We Live within the Relationship and Finances Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

When Won'tpower Is Stronger Than Willpower

Cranky Fitness wrote about Willpower and Won'tpower.  Crabby McSlacker focused most on the failure to reach goals on the basis of willpower.  He insinuated that there is won'tpower. 

I sure like the idea that people have both willpower and won'tpower.  I know there is won'tpower.  Haven't you had run-ins with won'tpower!

Time and time again, we try to accomplish goals on the basis of willpower only to be thwarted by an insidious, constantly changing, unrecognized force called won'tpower by Crabby.

Crabby shared his own experience: "I actually do wonder if we have natural limits on our willpower, and can only tackle so many challenges at once. At least I observe this phenomenon in myself all the time. 
Anyone else find that if they're putting a lot of mental effort into one goal, the other stuff starts to slip?"

Can we all identify with Crabby's hypothesis "It's like there's a concrete amount of willpower in my psychological bank account. And if I try to write too many self-improvement checks? The damn things start bouncing."

Because of the difficulty with trying to solve life's problems on the basis of willpower, I created The North Star Mental Fitness Program.  I knew willpower was insufficient for completing self improvement projects.  I thought the willpower has to be made stronger.  I thought the solution must be multifaceted, more complicated, but still possible to obtain.

I liked the concept of mental fitness as it parallels physical fitness.  We all know that physical exercises can make people stronger.  So can mental exercises make people mentally strong enough to solve their problems or reach their goals. In the North Star Mental Fitness Program, there are 15 strategies or exercises for increasing the power in willpower or for giving us the tools for solving our problems and reaching our goals.

There are strategies for building one's focus, putting focus into action and keeping momentum soaring.  There are strategies for coping with frustration and turning won'tpower into willpower.

It does not work to try to beat won'tpower into submission by using willpower.  The harder you try to destroy won'tpower, the stronger it becomes.  Sometimes our unconscious mind specializes in won'tpower and fights against our conscious efforts to achieve self-fulfillment.  When won'tpower appears, it is much like an acting out, screaming child. It must be dealt with immediately. You cannot ignore a screaming child nor won'tpower. 

If you are not reaching their goals and solving your problems, get help for your won'tpower.

Remember, We Live within the Environment Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

 

Do Professional Athletes Know How to Stop Choking?

In professional sports, there is tremendous pressure to achieve.  Athletes want to be "Mr. Clutch"!  Athletes went to lead their team to victory.  Athletes want to continually elevate their performances to higher levels.  Athletes want to win, when victory or defeat is determined by what they do!

What is choking?  Choking is the failure to cope successfully with the pressures associated with professional sports, because of anxiety and panic.  Failure to "always" cope effectively with pressure in sports should be expected.  All professional athletes sometimes in their career will fail to achieve at the critical moment.  The critical moment is when what they do will determine the joy of victory or the agony of defeat.  Failure to successfully achieve is not choking.

Professional athletes need to set realistic expectations for themselves.  If a person wants to be a professional athlete, then they need to expect and accept that they sometimes will fail.  After all isn't winning and losing the nature of the game.  Isn't playing well and playing poorly to be expected?

Choking is when professional performance deteriorates, because of anxiety, fear and panic.  Choking is associated with prolonged failure to achieve at a level commensurate with one's ability, because of anxiety, fear and panic.  When focused attempts to achieve result in continuing poor performance or deteriorating performance, choking is present.  Anxiety, fear and panic can completely destroy confidence and prevent successful achievement.  When this occurs, professional athletes are in a state of choking.

There is a lot that can be done to control and manage choking.  Some athletes seek psychiatric treatment and counseling for their anxiety. I recommend mental fitness training for successfully coping with choking.  Mental fitness training is just as important as physical training for successful performance and managing of the pressures associated with professional sports.

Often times, professional athletes are given wonderful advice such as in Patrick Cohn's article,How to Avoid Choking in Baseball.  Although professional advice may be correct and valid, it is only effective when an athlete's default mindset for coping with choking is changed.  The mind's default position for coping with choking can only be changed through hard work or mental fitness or mental toughness training.

Athletes need to know: 

• Advice from their friends, fellow players and coaches usually is ineffective in reducing anxiety induced choking and sometimes can increase choking!
• Attempts to consciously stop choking can actually increase choking!
• It is important to change one's mindset in order to effectively manage choking!
• Mental fitness and mental toughness are the result of one's thinking and not automatically associated with professional skills.
• Mental fitness and mental toughness training can make an athlete stronger than the anxiety associated with choking!

If you or someone you know is struggling with anxiety associated with their performance, suggest to them that they get mental fitness training or contact me for further information.

Remember, We Live with the Performances Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Life, Liberty and Pursuit of Happiness!

"We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Man are created equal,  that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable Rights, that amongst these are the Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness".  This is a quote from the Declaration of Independence.

The framers of our government realized the importance of freedom for each and every individual.  They perceived freedom and the pursuit of happiness to be basic truths and our basic rights given to us by our Creator and codified by the Second Constitutional Congress.

In the North Star Mental Fitness Program, the focus is on training individuals to exercise their self-evident and inalienable rights for living their life under their own direction.  The purpose of the program is to provide tools to help people self-actualize and achieve their own dreams. 

In the North Star Mental Fitness Program, people are motivated to make changes in their lives out of freedom.  No matter how big or small one's achievement becomes, the real goal is to experience increased happiness, peace of mind, freedom and control over one's life. 

We very strongly believe that people are motivated to have their benefits, which are happiness, peace of mind, freedom and control over their lives.  While it is important for individuals to be free in their pursuit of happiness, it is also important that our government must not become destroy these self-evident truths and our inalienable rights.

It is important for our federal, state and local governments to uphold the rights given to us by the Declaration of Independence.

As July 4th approaches, let us celebrate our independence with a determination to ensure that our government does not neutralize our inalienable rights for freedom and the pursuit of happiness.   Let us courageously pursue our dreams in order to experience our freedom and happiness.

Remember, We Live within the Environment Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Brain Fitness Programs

As a clinical psychologist, I am frequently asked to evaluate people for memory loss and other areas of cognitive decline.  After evaluating people, some are prescribed medications by their physicians.

Frequently, I encourage people to use brain fitness programs.  There are brain fitness programs to improve memory, eye-hand coordination, visual-spatial problem-solving, attention and focus, and processing numbers.  I discovered a very practical website, Play with Your Mind.  This website offers a lot of different brain fitness programs.  I highly encourage you to visit this website and utilize their programs.

Unfortunately, many people with memory losses and declining ability to function, are unaware of resources for improving their functioning for delaying the process of cognitive decline.

I really want you to keep this post for a resource.  There was a post at Play with Your Mind entitled Brain Fitness Programs and Websites.  You'll have to look no further for brain fitness training and opportunities.  This will be a wonderful resource for you.

Brain fitness programs are relatively new, but extremely important for people who want to be fully functioning for as long as possible.  These programs will stimulate and challenge our senses and cognitive abilities.

These programs are different than the  North Star Mental Fitness Program, which provides exercises to improve decision-making, taking care of oneself and making one stronger than one's problems.

The  North Star Mental Fitness Program is a practical program for making life's decisions, while most brain fitness programs are developed to improve various sensory and cognitive functions.  Both mental fitness and brain fitness programs are important and necessary, although different in their objectives.

You can use the North Star Mental Fitness Program's strategies for improving your life focus and for making life decisions easier and more satisfying.  You can use the brain fitness programs for sharpening your senses and thinking abilities.  We need both.

Remember, We Live within the Minds and Environment Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Automatic Negative Thoughts are called ANTS by Dr. Amen. 

Unfortunately, most of us never question our thoughts, so we don't know we have ANTS.  We never entertain the idea that our thoughts could be misleading or self-defeating.  Since we never question our thoughts, our Automatic Negative Thoughts even though negative, are completely accepted as the truth. 

Unchallenged Automatic Negative Thoughts determine how we feel, how we behave and how we relate in our relationships.  Unchallenged Automatic Negative Thoughts destroy our confidence and turn potential successes into failures.  Most dreams are destroyed by unchallenged Automatic Negative Thoughts.

Automatic Negative Thoughts are lies!  Our minds lie to us, when we have Automatic Negative Thoughts!  If our Automatic Negative Thoughts are lies, then stop believing them!

What are your automatic negative thoughts?  It is important for you to identify your automatic negative thoughts, because these ANTS can create temporary or permanent discomfort and dysfunction in your life.

Here are some ANTS that you might have:

• I will never be successful.
• I cannot have a loving, caring and lasting relationship.
• I cannot pass any test.
• I will never be able to lose weight.
• I always disappoint myself, parents, spouses and children.  He
• I will never be secure.
• I can never please anyone.
• I will never be healthy again.
• I am too old to do anything.
• I am always discriminated against.
• I am always rejected and demeaned by others.
• I am controlled by others.

These are just a few examples of ANTS.  Identify your ANTS and destroy them!  Replace your ANTS with positive and empowering thoughts.  Practice these thoughts frequently.

Remember, We Live within the Identity and Environment Created by Our Mindsets!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Use CPR To Kill Your Ant's (Automatic Negative Thoughts)

Dr. Daniel Amen believes you could have an ant infestation in your brain!  It sure sounds gross, doesn't it?  Before you call an ant exterminator, let me explain what Dr. Amen means.

Letting Go of Bad Behavior, Painful Emotions and Guilt

This weekend Tiger Woods has liberated himself from his separation from golf as he is playing in the Masters.  He has sought treatment for his bad behavior and undoubtedly to reduce his painful emotions and guilt.  Hopefully, he is liberated from his bad behavior, painful emotions and guilt.

I would expect that his golf game may reach new heights with the resolution of his devastating and draining painful emotions and guilt precipitated by his bad behavior.

The purpose of this post is not to discredit Tiger Woods.  The purpose of this post is to provide a plan for all of us to free ourselves from our bad behavior, painful emotions and guilt.  After all, haven't all of us had painful emotions and regrets following bad behavior?  Haven't we all struggle with letting go of problems in our lives?  Haven't we all struggled with letting go of painful emotions and guilt?

Here is a five step program for stopping bad behaviors, painful emotions and guilt.  I call this the L" System.

1.  Limit Your Losses:  This means to stop your bad behaviors.  Also stop thinking the thoughts and giving in to the feelings that rationalized your bad behavior.

2.  Learn:  Learn your bad behavior will always have negative consequences.  Learn your bad behavior will devastate those who care about you and those about whom you care.  Learn your bad behavior violates your values.  Learn that painful emotions and guilt are realistic, when you have engaged in bad behavior.

3.  Liberate Yourself:  After you have limited your losses and have really learned, then you are at the point that you can liberate yourself.  After you have accepted the realities triggered by your bad behavior, it is time to forgive yourself.  Real liberation comes from self forgiveness. Painful emotions and guilt willl remain as long as you are continuing to engage in bad behaviors. Painful emotions and guilt will continue to occupy your mind until you have forgiven yourself.

4.  Letting Go: As you fill your conscious mind with thoughts of self forgiveness, it becomes easier to let go of your bad behaviors, painful emotions and guilt.  Letting go is a conscious choice that is really possible after you've gone through the first three stages.  Letting Go is also fostered by recognizing, making amends and seeking forgiveness from those who have hurt.

 5.  Look Forward: The temptations and negative thinking that generated your past bad behavior must be dealt with in the future.  Once you have gone through this program of acceptance and forgiveness, you can look forward with confidence and determination.  You can have confidence in your learning, forgiveness and determination to avoid bad behaviors.  You can perceive past situations where you engaged in bad behavior as opportunities to strengthen your new behaviors, your enjoyable feelings and peace of mind.

I hope that these five steps will help you find freedom from bad behaviors, painful emotions and guilt.

Remember, You Live within the Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

 

 

MALE RULES

Male rules?  What are male rules? 

I found this article explaining male rules in a local newspaper dedicated to humor.  I found the rules to be humorous.  Then it hit me.  Some of these rules, if not most of the rules, probably are operating in the minds of men and create never-ending pain in relationship with women.

With a smile on my face, I hope you will enjoy MALE RULES, which are quoted as written in The Good Life..

Our Super Bowl & Our Time for a Revolution

Today is Super Bowl Sunday.  Millions of Americans will be riveted in front of their TVs as they watch the New Orleans Saints battle the Indianapolis Colts.

Today I also woke up to an article about Sarah Palin, who delivered a speech last night and claimed that "America is ready for a another revolution".

As I thought about these two epic events,