North Star Mental Fitness Blog

What is Detached Involvement?

Every day when I am working, I look into the eyes of mothers and fathers, who are devastated emotionally because of their children's problems.  Their souls are wrenched with emotional pain and anxiety as they wonder out loud "what did I do wrong"?  How could their child turn out the way their child is?

Guilt and sadness fill their hearts and control their minds.  It's much deeper than wanting more for your children than they are or have.  It's being aware that your children have made bad decisions and feeling responsible for your children's inability to make better decisions.

At Intensive Care for the Nurturer's Soul, Hueina Su, MS, BSN, CEC gave a prescription for avoiding parental guilt for children's misfortunes.  She called it "detached involvement". 

Do You Have an Energy Leak in Your Soul?

"To Do or Not to Do-The Choice Is Yours" is a very interesting piece on procrastination.  Pete Aldin From 100 Bloggers wrote "procrastination has been called an Energy Leak of the Soul".  How much better our world would be if this leak could be fixed.

Pete also described procrastination as "The Path Most Traveled".  Do you think procrastination in your life is "The Path Most Traveled"?

" Why do today what you can put off for tomorrow.  This the unfortunate motto of many an unfulfilled person, a person whose potential is far from realized" wrote Pete.

Today, look into the mirror of your soul.

Working and Celebrating Success in a Cubicle

Scott Herrick from Cubicle Rules asked a very intriguing and important question for people who work in cubicles.  Scott calls cubicle workers, Cubical Warriors. 

People in cubicles never get time off like athletes who have an off-season.  People in cubicles work in very small spaces and have very little control over their external environment and assignments. 

How do Cubical Warriors find meaning, satisfaction and celebration in their work environment?

Self-Actualization and the Benefits of Success

Dr. Abraham Maslow wrote about self-actualization as the "pinnacle in the hierarchy of human needs".  Maslow's hierarchy of human needs divided human needs into the following categories:

1. Survival Needs,
2. Security Needs,
3. Self-Acceptance Needs,
4. Self-Esteem Needs, and
5. Self-Actualization Needs.

Whenever we have satisfaction of any of these human needs, we have opportunities to experience the benefits of success.  Remember, the benefits of success are happiness, peace of mind, freedom, and control over our lives.

Word Processing and the Benefits of Success

Benefits of success and word processing?  This is probably a very strange combination for you. 

However, if you know how to work a word processing program, you know how to live within an environment of happiness, peace of mind, freedom and control over your life.

When people apply the principles of a word processing program in their lives, life will become less boring, depressing and miserable.

Are You Showing up?

"Showing up" was the title of a recent post by Steve Pavlina.  Steve shared Woody Allen's quote "80% of success is showing up".  Steve elaborated this concept by rightfully concluding, "While merely showing up won't guarantee success, it's certainly is a prerequisite".

Living in abstraction or daydreaming will never generate success.  Turning abstract goals and dreams into a process of "showing up" is necessary for self-fulfillment and development.  Abstract goals must find expression in concrete, active behavior.  "Showing up" on a regular basis will result in 80% success according to Steve.  Steve provided many examples of how to "show up" and enrich your life.

Identifying when it is necessary to "show up" and make major changes in one's life is a major problem for most people.  Helping people realize their need to "show up" is a major problem facing most mental fitness experts and self-help gurus.

Catastrophes Can Trigger Healthy Life Motives

Motivation for success is often generated by catastrophes.  For some people experiencing catastrophes reconnects them with their life motives for success and successful caring of themselves.

When warning signs of impending doom and self-destruction become severe and clear, fortunate people's unconscious and conscious, life motives are receptive for identifying warning signs and cooperating with efforts for improving the situation.

For some people even severe and obvious warning symptoms are still denied and ignored, because of self-destructive, underlying life motives. 

Accountability versus Empathy

Coaching accountability generates and maintain success.  From a mental fitness perspective, accountability instead of empathy is necessary for success.

After reading about Steve Rom's miraculous recovery from leukemia and his friend, Rod Payne's coaching, it was very apparent that Rod coached Steve with accountability instead of empathy.   Accountability overcame a poor medical prognosis, the illness, and succumbing to the illness.

Ron Payne, Play to Inspire, chose not to be an empathetic friend, passively understanding and validating his friend's feelings during the process of fighting life threatening cancer.  Instead, both were accountable for completing their game plan.

School Achievement and Gardening

Failing grades, incomplete assignments and an attitude of indifference characterized her school functioning for over two years.  All of her father's efforts seemed to have failed.

For two years her father planted the seed, "school is the most important thing".  In spite of no evidence of improvement, her father continued to plant and nurture the idea in her mind.

Finally, there is evidence that the seed has germinated!  I was surprised in regard to how this seed has sprouted.