North Star Mental Fitness Blog

Action: Knowledge, Expectation, Acceptance and Recognition with out Action Fails

Oftentimes, our cars need gas at the most inconvenient times.  It does not matter where you are going or why.  When your car is empty or approaches emptiness, there is a sense of urgency that takes priority over all of your plans and goals.  You must find a gas station.

Have you noticed that you or your significant other, oftentimes, are empty or approach emptiness at the most inconvenient times?

Have you ever wondered why we did not have the same sense of urgency to satisfy our or our significant other's wants and needs?  Probably our significant others would not know what to do, if we put on hold our important plans in order to be sensitive to the wants and needs of our spouses and children.

We must act to self-actualize ourselves by pursuing our wants and needs and goals.

We also must become sensitive and responsive to our significant other's wants, needs and goals, whenever they are empty or approach emptiness.

Knowing our significant others have wants and needs is not enough for having good relationships. 

Expecting, accepting and recognizing, on a daily basis, our significant others are empty or signaling emptiness is not enough for having satisfying and sensitive relationships.

Action is necessary but what kind of action?

1.  Listening and by listening you communicate that your significant others are important and you trust their ability to manage their lives.

2. Communicating your nurturing feelings and values regarding your significant others.

3.  Keeping promises.

4. Independently and consistently assuming responsibilities and chores necessary for your relationship to survive.

5. Paying attention without making judgments and demeaning comments.

Remember, it is normal for you and your significant others to become empty at the most inconvenient times. I hope that this series will help you become more responsive to your wants and needs and the wants and needs of your significant others.

Remember, You Will Live within the Relationships Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

The other posts in regard to emptiness and signals of emptiness are:

1. If You Can Drive a Car, You Can Have Satisfying and Sensitive Relationships!
2. Knowledge: Do You Really Know?
3. Expectations: What Do You Expect?
4. Expectations: What to Expect in Your Relationships?
5. Identify Signals; Not Problems; Not Symptoms!
6. Acceptance: Can You Really Accept?
7. Recognition: Expectation and Acceptance without Recognition Fails

Identify Signals; Not Problems; Not Symptoms!

Identify signals is the fifth blog in the series, If You Can Drive a Car, You Can Have Satisfying and Sensitive Relationships.  So far we have established

Burn the Boats

Queme los barcos," or "Burn the Boats, because defeat is not an option".

Hernando Cortes was a conquistador and explorer who sailed to the New World in attempt to find treasure.  Many great leaders had failed before Hernando came along.  Hernando trained his soldiers during the day and built their morale at night.

When the time came for fighting and accomplishing their goal, Hernando told his men to burn their boats.  He went on to emphasize that defeat and retreat were not options.  He reassured his men and challenged them to be victorious.  Following their victory he reasoned, they would sail back in the enemy's boats.

Recently the University of Michigan's basketball team surprised many by beating Minnesota on their home floor.  This victory was necessary in order to enter the big dance at the end of the season.  Coach Beilein challenged the team by talking about burning the boats, because defeat was not an option.

This quote was mentioned in an article by CJ Lee, senior guard, in an article entitled Court Vision with C.J. Lee: Live Life without Regrets. 

From a mental fitness perspective, C.J. Lee understands what it takes to be victorious.  It takes a total commitment to your goal and the belief that failure and defeat are not options. 

Remember, We Live within the Environment Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

 

I THINK, THEREFORE I AM

"Cogito ergo sum" according to Wikipedia has been the foundation of Western philosophy.  It also is the foundation of many psychological theories.  René Descartes is the philosopher, who is given credit for this statement.

"I Think, Therefore I Am" is a phrase used to establish our existence.  According to Wikipedia:

"The simple meaning of the phrase is that if someone is wondering whether or not he exists, that is in and of itself proof that he does exist".

"I Think, Therefore I Am" is misquoted as "I Doubt, I Think, Therefore I Am".  This statement is very interesting, because doubting as well as thinking determines our existence.

These quotations also apply in the field of psychology.  "I Think, Therefore I Am" not only determines our existence, it also determines our quality of life. 

• Our thinking determines our feelings.
• Our thinking and feelings determine our behavior:
• Our thinking, feelings and behavior determine how we relate.
• Our thinking, feeling, behavior and relating determines our activities.
• Our thinking, feeling, behavior, and relating and activities determine our external circumstances.
• Our thinking, feeling, behavior, relating, activities, and external circumstances determine our health.

Therefore, it is safe to conclude that are thinking will determine the quality of our life.

In psychology, it is also true that "I doubt, I think, therefore I am".  Doubts, insecurities, anxieties, fears, disappointments and depression are just some of the factors that can determine our thinking, if we let them.  All of these negative factors well powerfully determine our thoughts, feelings, behavior, relating, activities, external circumstances and health.

It is important to be conscious of what we think, because our thinking is so powerful.  Today become aware and become very clear how important your doubts or thoughts are in determining the quality of your life.

Remember, We Live within the Environment Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

When Your Adult Child Is in Trouble or Troubled

His college-age son recently attempted suicide.  Her daughter has made numerous bad decisions and currently is in a dead-end relationship.  Her daughter repeatedly asks for money and never manages her money well. 

Mental Fitness and the Falling Value of Your House

Les Christie of CNNMoney.comreported that the home price plunge remained on a record pace through out the summer.  "The S&P Case-Shiller Home Price national index recorded a 16.6% decline in the third quarter compared with the same period a year ago".

Home prices are down 20% since July 2006.  Stephen Gandel of Money Magazine predicted that prices of homes will fall further during the last quarter of this year.  18.6 million homes are sitting vacant in the United States.  2.8% of house mortgages are three months in arrearage. 

Sudden Change: Psychologically Coping with Economic and Political Losses

How do you deal with devastating and catastrophic economic and political losses from a mental fitness perspective?

Let us begin with Expectation.  When you are mentally fit, you have the expectation that things can go wrong, drastically wrong.  Nothing in life is a continual high.  Although times of prosperity are more pleasing to our psyche, we must expect that there will be good times as well as bad times.  We cannot be prepared for life if we do not have an Expectation that there will be good and bad times economically and politically in our lives.

Secondly, there is Acceptance.  When you are mentally fit, you accept the reality and normalcy of highs and lows in our lives.  It is important to accept the fact that there will be economical and political losses in our lives.  Painful emotions associated with losses can be filtered and lessened by applying  Acceptance.  Acceptance is not the same as liking.  We can accept economic and political losses and still not like them.

Recognition is the third concept.  Expectation and acceptance of the realities of life are useless if we cannot recognize the signals and nature of economic and political losses.  Too often we become complacent.  Too often we deny and rationalize when things are beginning to go wrong.  We must be aware and vigilant in recognizing economic and political losses.  When economic and political losses descend upon us, we must recognize them before we can take constructive action.

The world of sports provides great analogies and strategies for coping with economic and political losses.  In sports the concept of momentum is important.  It is important to generate momentum and keep momentum going, even when momentum breakers occur.

In our economic and political aspects of our lives, it is important to maintain momentum, when we have times of economic and political losses.  The mortgage crisis, credit freeze, political and economic corruption are all potential momentum breakers.  These momentum breakers can destroy our confidence, hope and motivation.  We do not have to be defeated by these momentum breakers.

The legendary University of Michigan football coach, Bo Schembechler had a wonderful strategy for overcoming momentum breakers.  He called it "Sudden Change".  It did not matter whether the momentum breaker was a fumble or interception.  He taught and trained his players and coach to yell Sudden Change, when there was a momentum breaker.  He also instilled the belief in his players and coaches and trained them to play harder with greater commitment and passion following a momentum breaker.

It also does it matter what the momentum breaker is in our life regarding our economics and politics. 

When we have a momentum breaker in our economic and political lives, it is important to yell Sudden Change and dig in with commitment and passion to defeat the economic and political losses in our lives.  In terms of the old saying "when the going gets tough, the tough get going".

As we live in times of economic losses and perhaps political losses, let us not use our energies to fight the acceptance and reality of the losses.  Let us accept our losses and set appropriate expectations for the future regarding losses. 

Let us energize ourselves with renewed energy, renewed dreams, commitment and passion to overcome whatever economic and political obstacles occur in the process of our self-actualization in the economic and political aspects of our lives!

We must remember We Live within the Economic and Political Environment Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

It Is Not a Matter of Good or Bad Economic Times

We all know that it does matter.  It does matter financially whether we are in good or bad economic times.  It does matter whether we have a job, are making money and our investments are thriving.

So why did I entitle this post "it is not a matter of good or bad economic times"? 

This statement is made from the perspective of mental fitness.  Coaches know that they want their players to play hard with passion and commitment to their game plan throughout the whole game. 

It is not a matter whether the team is winning or losing.  When the team is winning, the coach wants the team to play hard and with passion.  When the team is losing, the coach wants to team to play hard and with passion.  Therefore, it is not a matter of winning or losing.  What is important is playing the entire game with passion, physical commitment and adherence to the game plan.

Likewise, when our economy and investments are doing well, it is important for us to maintain our focus and commitment to taking care of ourselves.  Similarly, when our economy and investments are doing poorly, it is just as important for us to maintain our focus and commitment to taking care of ourselves.

Therefore, it really is not a matter of whether we are living in good or bad economical times.  In all circumstances, we must focus on making the best decisions we can.  We must maintain our confidence and focus.  We must not give in to fear.  We must not listen to those who find problems in life rather than opportunities. 

Since it is not a matter of good or bad economic times, it is important for you to step up, make good decisions, be flexible and willing to change.  We can find opportunity in bad economic times.  We can find inner strength when others are weak.  We can't maintain our focus, commitment and hard work to improve the quality of our lives in good and bad times.

You can give in and become defeated, because of bad economic times.  Or you can become energized and determined to improve the quality of your life in difficult times. 

Remember, You Live within the Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

How Can You Have a Good Relationship With Your Spouse?

Steven Stosny wrote about this dilemma in his post "How Can I Be Me, When You're Being You"? 

Perhaps you have experienced how difficult it is sometimes to be yourself, when you have to deal with it the personality quirks of your partner and your disappointments. 

Koyie Hill and Mental Fitness

Have you heard about Koyie Hill?  He is a professional baseball player who has made a remarkable recovery from an accident that had threatened his career.

October 16, 2007 was the day, which almost ended his career.  He was working on a saw, when the accident occurred.  His thumb was cut first and then three more fingers.  Ligaments and tendons were severed on three of his fingers and his thumb.  His thumb and fingers had to be reattached surgically.

I imagine that at the time of the accident, he was distraught and fearful regarding his future.  In fact, in December of the same year he was told by a doctor that he would never play baseball again.

Koyie did not give up.  He didn't give up his dream even though it seemed unlikely.  He had the confidence and determination to reach his goal.  Rick Gano, AP Sports Writer, interviewed Koyie who said:

“In the back of mind I always knew if I got the opportunity to play like I did, the Cubs kept me in the lineup down there, I knew I was going to be able to do it. I knew it was going to be hard and it looked ugly at the beginning.”

When he first began to return to his career, he described his fingers as feeling like "frozen carrots".

He needed mental fitness to overcome his disability and psychological fears and anxieties.  He went through hours of physical therapy and learning how to use his hand.  In his own words he said "

“It was a long deal. We did three or four hours of therapy every day and you battle a lot of nightmares and ups and downs emotionally as far as your career,” he said.

“I’m proud I’ve been able to overcome. Every day I got to keep on top of it. We feel like we got it under control for the most part.”

Koyie has had a remarkable recovery.  Once again he is back in the major leagues.  He has been able to perform all of the skills necessary for his career with a surgically repaired hand.

We can learn a lot about mental fitness and toughness from Koyie Hill.  He has shown us that life's impossibilities can be transformed into actualities.  He has shown us the power of our mind.  He has shown us that we can overcome the physical, emotional and realistic limitations in our lives. 

He has shown us the power of our will and mindset.  What we habitually think and believe about ourselves can overcome all of the obstacles looming in our vision.

He has also underlined the importance of continuing daily the exercises and thought patterns that are necessary for continued growth and self-improvement.

Remember, We Live within the Environment Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach