North Star Mental Fitness Blog

You Don't Get Any Better, When....

"When you start taking things personally that is when you don't get better"!

This was University of Michigan football player, Morgan Trent's profound, psychological insight regarding accepting intense, emotional instruction from his coaches.  Sam Webb from Go Blue Wolverine interviewed Morgan Trent regarding the yelling and highly confrontive coaching style of the new coaches.

Morgan Trent went on to say about taking things personally:

"You want to get upset and that never helps you out.  You have to understand and get to a point where you have to realize they are only trying to help you. 

Rich Rod always says that he always wants to take you to a place that you can't take yourself and he does.  It is a difficult painful project but that is his main goal."

Morgan also had a wonderful perception.  Oftentimes, when people take things personally, they feel disrespected.  Morgan Trent realizes that his coaches are not trying to be disrespectful.  He told Sam

"Our coaches are never disrespectful.  I don’t know what you have heard.  They weren’t coming in and acting crazy and cussing everybody out just for fun and trying to break you down.  It wasn’t that.  It is just a different style of coaching.  They still have respect for us and they would never do anything to disrespect us or anything like that.”

In our personal lives we we must learn to not take coaching personal. Sometimes we enroll in classes or activities, where we will be coached.  On other occasions, we and our significant others try to coach each other.

In our personal lives, it is also important to learn how to not feel disrespected, put down, and maintain the perception that our family members are trying to help us instead of attack or demean us.

Too often, our insecurities intrude into our perceptions and as a result we personalize highly emotional reactions from those who want to help us.

Although it is hard, it is emotionally more satisfying to remember that our significant others are respectful, helpful and loving even when their coaching techniques are difficult to accept.  

Remember, We Live within the Environment Created by Our Choices.

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

My next blog will focus on learning how to not personalize in situations where people are not trying to be helpful

How Many Successes Do You Need Before You Can Conclude You Are Successful

Recently I talked to a middle-aged woman, who was asked to take a position in a large business.  In order to take this advancement, she had to go way beyond her comfort zone.  A hard-working woman with limited work experience, she openly questioned her ability to succeed.

Every day she did the best she could.  At first she was really overwhelmed, but she still applied herself.  She succeeded on a daily basis for over a year.  She was shocked, when she was asked to take a position with even more responsibility.

She once again agreed to take the new position and hoped that she could be successful.  She has now had two years of successes.  She has had over 730 days of successes.

I think she was shocked when I asked her if she considered herself to be successful.  I don't believe she had ever concluded that "I am a success".

Yes, I Can

"Yes, I Can" is a wonderful affirmation.  This affirmation will program the mind for success in all areas of one's life.

I have been very surprised by the difficulties many clients have with making success generating affirmations. 

Pain Is a Welcomed Signal

How do you interpret your pain?  Pain can be experienced physically, emotionally, psychologically, interpersonally or financially.

Most people trying to avoid pain.  Pain is perceived to be bad and to be avoided at all cost.  We wish that we could live a pain free life.  That is not realistic.

Pain is like a good friend.  A good friend will tell you when you're doing something wrong and need to make some changes in your life.

Also pain is a signal.  How is pain a signal?

Do We Have Freedom of Choice?

"Brain Scanners Can See Your Decisions Before You Make Them"!

This was the intriguing article in Nature Neuroscience, which was reported in Wired.com and Rowan's Blog.

If a brain scanner can predict your choices before you consciously make choices, do we have freedom of choice?  If choices are made in the subconscious mind, are we deluding ourselves by thinking that we are consciously making choices?

This was the intriguing first line.

"You may think you decided to read this story-- but in fact, your brain made the decision long before you know about it.

In a study published Sunday in Nature Neuroscience, researchers using brain scanners could predict people's reactions seven seconds before the test subjects were even aware of making them."

Justin Boren- Does He Lack of Mental Fitness?

Last week Justin Boren quit the University Michigan football team.

His quitting the team does not mean he was mentally unfit.  Choosing to change plans and find a "better fit" for himself is often the expression of mental fitness.

There is no doubt that Justin Boren was physically fit.  After all, he had played on the first team for the last two years as a freshman and sophomore.

Still I raise the question was Justine Boren mentally fit enough to cope with the changing circumstances associated with the coaching change at the University of Michigan?

Boren Divorces Michigan Football Team

Divorces and blending family issues occur in sports as well in families.  Lloyd Carr resigned as coach of the U of Michigan football team and most of his coaches were not rehired.  Some players including potential stars left the team.  Justin Boren and his team remained with their mother, the U of Michigan.

Problems really started brewing when the new step-father, Rich Rodriquez divorced West Virginia to take over the leadership role at U of M.  Even now, Coach Rod is still in the middle of a very messy divorce from West Virginia with the unfortunate allegations and legal entanglements common in divorce. 

The mother or U of M football hired Coach Rod to change the culture and family values at the U of M.  Too many losses to Ohio State, underdogs liked Appalachian State, spread offenses and bowl games.  Like so many sons and daughters in families of divorce, Justin Boren and some of his teammates did not like the new father figure changing the family dynamics and culture.  Coach Rod has become the "evil step-father" pushing the mother's "lax children" to greater achievement through hard work, strict rules and new expectations.

Justin like many children in divorce has verbally acted-out and ran away from home.   

Easter's Hope

As I reviewed the various blogs regarding Easter, I found a very enlightening Easter message from Mike Huckabee, who most recently was running for the presidency of the United States.  I liked Mike's message, "An Easter Message from Governor Huckabee".

Mike's understanding of Easter was clearly presented from a Christian perspective, while at the same time communicating hope for everybody going through difficult times.

Mike's Easter message can be found at the website, 11 Smiths for Huckabee.  I hope that you will read Mike's brief but very relevant Easter message in its entirety.

Reminiscing about Mental Fitness

He was reminiscing about what he had learned in 35 years of being a manager in an auto factory.  Also he has been married more than 35 years, has two grown children and two grandchildren.  During his life he has wrestled with anxiety and panic. 

In spite of his anxiety and panic, he was able to identify that he has "inner strength".  Adjusting and coping with problems on an everyday basis has made him a much stronger person.

He has learned how to successfully take care of himself, which is the object of mental fitness and mental health.  He reported that he has learned two very important things about taking care of himself.  He has learned that:

I Empowered Myself!

Self-doubt and lacking confidence are often experienced by people, who reenter the world of employment after an illness or raising their children. 

Such was the mindset of this middle-aged women. She has raised her children.  Now, she has been successful in her job, but her perceptions of herself have lagged behind her accomplishments.  She struggled with accepting her success and the benefits of her success.

She thought she didn't deserve good things.  She felt she didn't deserve the accolades and consequences from being successful.

She realized that there was a golden ring in front of her.  She always has been ambivalent about reaching for the ring of opportunity and success. She knew it was there, but she just couldn't reach out for this ring of success.  She worried and was fearful she couldn't measure up.  So she remained in an inhibited and fearful comfort zone.