North Star Mental Fitness Blog

The Tiger Mindset

Tiger Woods has failed to maintain his elite status in the golfing world, since his return to the golfing circuit.  Mick Elliott at FANHOUSE called Tiger's current season his "winless season" in Mick's article "Tiger's Par-5 Game Still Isn't up to Par".

Tiger's golf game has been a disaster since his moral indiscretions and marital conflicts became big news. 

Mick showed how bad it has been for Tiger. "Ten times since 1997 Woods has finished in the top 10 on the PGA Tour on birdie-or-better conversions on par 5s. This year there are 53 players in front of his 43 percent conversion rate".

Tiger described his fall

What You Think Means Everything!

We take the importance of thinking for granted.  Thinking is the most important ingredient for determining our behavior and quality of life.

We often take our thinking for granted, because our thinking is often so automatic.  We consciously do not concentrate on changing our thinking, because thinking occurs so quickly without conscious awareness and direction.

We do not question our thinking.  We operate under the principle that what we think is right!

MALE RULES

Male rules?  What are male rules? 

I found this article explaining male rules in a local newspaper dedicated to humor.  I found the rules to be humorous.  Then it hit me.  Some of these rules, if not most of the rules, probably are operating in the minds of men and create never-ending pain in relationship with women.

With a smile on my face, I hope you will enjoy MALE RULES, which are quoted as written in The Good Life..

Change Blndness

Change blindness refers to our failure to perceive large changes in pictures.  Researchers have shown that many people are blind to changes in their visual perception, when the changes are arranged to occur simultaneously with extraneous brief disruption in their visual continuity.

The Glenn Beck blog has a demonstration of change blindness.  I suggest that you look at this video in order to obtain a first-hand experience regarding change blindness.  Even if you disagree with Mr. Beck's political views, please look at this example of change blindness.

I noticed change blindness frequently in my practice as a licensed psychologist.  I have seen this in marriage and family counseling.  Oftentimes, a family member make significant changes which are not seen by other family members.

Most recently, I consulted with a couple demonstrating this principle.  One of the spouses felt that the other spouse was "not there" during an ongoing, stressful and difficult work assignment.  The other spouse trying to compensate by doing more, but admitted psychologically there was a lack of emotional understanding and support.

The offended spouse has concluded that the partner "was and is not supportive".  Through the counseling process, the offending spouse has significantly changed and is now supportive.  The offending spouse is even supportive of the offended spouse's wish to leave the relationship.

The offended spouse does not see the change in support and continues to seek other spouse as "not supportive".

The bottom line is that we need to pay attention to what is really occurring in our relationships and life spaces.  Even at the perceptual level we we fail to see changes in our external world and relationships. 

Remember, We Live within the Environment Created by Our Visual Acuity or Blindness!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Mental Blindness

At the North Star Mental Fitness Blog, I wrote a post regarding change blindness.  Change blindness refers to our difficulty with perceiving visual changes, when we are briefly distracted.

Mental blindness is also possible.  Let me explain what I mean by mental blindness.  Neurolinguistic theory hypothesizes that we have a "reproduction" of the world in our head.  Our psychic perception of the world is, oftentimes, out of sync with the external world.  The external world always has much more opportunities and possibilities for change than the psychic re-creation of the world in our head.

Our psychic re-creation of the world is motivated to not change and maintain its existence.  It is hypothesized that the psychic re-creation of the world operates on three principles.

1. Integrate:  Whatever perceptions, feelings or information that are consistent with the psychologically created perception of the world are allowed access into the psychologically created world and are used to validate psychological perception of the world.
2. Delete:  Whatever perceptions, feelings or information that are inconsistent with the psychologically created perception of the world are deleted and denied access into the psychologically created perception of the world.
3. Distort:  Whatever perceptions, feelings or information that are inconsistent with the mindset of the world and have have not been deleted are twisted or distorted.  The inconsistent information is depreciated and a negated through the process of distortion.

These three unconscious processes can make us mentally blind to changes within our lives.  Our perceptions of people will be resistant to change once we have drawn our conclusions about them.  Our perception of life will be resistant to change.

Information that will challenge our belief system and values will fail to register in our minds, if the information is not consistent with our belief system and values.  We will tend to distort other people's different and inconsistent beliefs and values in order to make them fit into our mindset.

Unconsciously, maintaining a resistant psychological perception of the world in our heads is motivated to provide psychological security and stability.  Unfortunately, these unconscious processes prevent change and growth.  Unfortunately, these unconscious processes will prevent us from recognizing external danger and the limitations in our perception of the world.

We need to be extremely aware of how our unconscious mind will limit us or blind us.  We must pay attention to new information and changes around us in order to be adaptive, safe and growing. 

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

15 Keys for Overcoming Difficult Times

Difficult times continue.  Governmental solutions have been slow to improve the quality of our economy and our lives.  Difficult times will continue as we will be facing increasing taxes to support the governmental solutions.

I read Alvin Soon's post, 9 Keys for Overcoming Difficult Times.  Alvin and I share a common psychological perspective.  After reading his post, I was motivated to share with you 15 solutions for overcoming difficult times from The North Star Mental Fitness Program.

The basic theory for successful managing of difficult times is to realize that your success or failure in managing difficult times will be determined by how you think about the difficult times. 

• If you think your situation is impossible, it will become impossible.
• If you think you are bound to fail, you will fail. 
• If you think you are going to be successful, you will succeed.

The above two statements may be very simplistic, but they are nevertheless true.  The North Star Mental Fitness Program provides 15 thought patterns or keys for overcoming difficult times.  These keys are:

1. Motivate yourself by thinking that you want Freedom from Difficult Times.  Make changes in your life on the basis of freedom instead of any other motivation such as desperation.
2. Think successful thoughts that are not based upon fear, anxiety and stressful emotions.  Think about difficult times as an opportunity rather than a problem.  Think about yourself as capable of overcoming difficult times rather than being overwhelmed.
3. Focus on taking care of yourself and focus on making decisions to improve the quality of your life rather than focusing on how bad circumstances are.  Be willing to make decisions that are best for you!
4. Act with confidence and courage to actualize your focus.  Only focusing on solutions to overcome bad times will fail if you do not act.  You can't become successful, if you do not act and motivate yourself to do whatever you can do to take yourself and overcome difficult times.
5. Celebrate little successes.  Overcoming difficult times will be the result of frequent and daily successes.  By celebrating, I mean to experience happiness, peace of mind, freedom and control over your life after you have acted to actualize a small goal in the process of taking care of yourself.
6. Accept the frustrations necessary for success. 
7. Identify and accept your self-defeating thoughts and behaviors.  You can freely choose to engage in a self-defeating behavior that will prevent you from overcoming adversity or you can choose to make a decision to take care of yourself. Realize that self-defeating thoughts such as the feeling overwhelmed, confused and inadequate are normal.
8. Check your thoughts, goals, actions and evaluation of your progress to make sure that you are on target to reach your current and long-range goals. 
9. Make sure you are making logical and practical decisions to cope with difficult times.  Be aware of the possible consequences of your decisions.
10. Make sure you are living a balanced life and have set aside time and energy for play.
11. Make sure you are living by your values and making decisions that are best for you and not just logical.
12. Identify your problems that could occur in relationships because of all the stresses associated with bad times.  Focus on turning your interpersonal weaknesses into strengths. 
13. Identify and communicate your genuine feelings and values to those who are important to you.  Show your appreciation and feel your appreciation from those who support you.
14. Keep your time frame in the present.  Accept the fact that the past is gone.  Focus on how you want your life to be in the future and live in the present. 
15. Let go of your past, painful emotions and self-defeating actions.  Learn to forgive yourself, learn from your mistakes and look forward for the next opportunity to make a good decision for overcoming adversity

These are the 14 major ideas in The North Star Mental Fitness Program for coping with problems and lives.  Applying these 15 ideas on a regular basis will make you stronger and more fit for coping with life's challenges.  If you would like coaching in applying these 15 ideas in your life please e-mail me at drhal@northstarmentalfitnessblog.com.

Remember, You Live within the Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Action: Knowledge, Expectation, Acceptance and Recognition with out Action Fails

Oftentimes, our cars need gas at the most inconvenient times.  It does not matter where you are going or why.  When your car is empty or approaches emptiness, there is a sense of urgency that takes priority over all of your plans and goals.  You must find a gas station.

Have you noticed that you or your significant other, oftentimes, are empty or approach emptiness at the most inconvenient times?

Have you ever wondered why we did not have the same sense of urgency to satisfy our or our significant other's wants and needs?  Probably our significant others would not know what to do, if we put on hold our important plans in order to be sensitive to the wants and needs of our spouses and children.

We must act to self-actualize ourselves by pursuing our wants and needs and goals.

We also must become sensitive and responsive to our significant other's wants, needs and goals, whenever they are empty or approach emptiness.

Knowing our significant others have wants and needs is not enough for having good relationships. 

Expecting, accepting and recognizing, on a daily basis, our significant others are empty or signaling emptiness is not enough for having satisfying and sensitive relationships.

Action is necessary but what kind of action?

1.  Listening and by listening you communicate that your significant others are important and you trust their ability to manage their lives.

2. Communicating your nurturing feelings and values regarding your significant others.

3.  Keeping promises.

4. Independently and consistently assuming responsibilities and chores necessary for your relationship to survive.

5. Paying attention without making judgments and demeaning comments.

Remember, it is normal for you and your significant others to become empty at the most inconvenient times. I hope that this series will help you become more responsive to your wants and needs and the wants and needs of your significant others.

Remember, You Will Live within the Relationships Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

The other posts in regard to emptiness and signals of emptiness are:

1. If You Can Drive a Car, You Can Have Satisfying and Sensitive Relationships!
2. Knowledge: Do You Really Know?
3. Expectations: What Do You Expect?
4. Expectations: What to Expect in Your Relationships?
5. Identify Signals; Not Problems; Not Symptoms!
6. Acceptance: Can You Really Accept?
7. Recognition: Expectation and Acceptance without Recognition Fails

Identify Signals; Not Problems; Not Symptoms!

Identify signals is the fifth blog in the series, If You Can Drive a Car, You Can Have Satisfying and Sensitive Relationships.  So far we have established

Burn the Boats

Queme los barcos," or "Burn the Boats, because defeat is not an option".

Hernando Cortes was a conquistador and explorer who sailed to the New World in attempt to find treasure.  Many great leaders had failed before Hernando came along.  Hernando trained his soldiers during the day and built their morale at night.

When the time came for fighting and accomplishing their goal, Hernando told his men to burn their boats.  He went on to emphasize that defeat and retreat were not options.  He reassured his men and challenged them to be victorious.  Following their victory he reasoned, they would sail back in the enemy's boats.

Recently the University of Michigan's basketball team surprised many by beating Minnesota on their home floor.  This victory was necessary in order to enter the big dance at the end of the season.  Coach Beilein challenged the team by talking about burning the boats, because defeat was not an option.

This quote was mentioned in an article by CJ Lee, senior guard, in an article entitled Court Vision with C.J. Lee: Live Life without Regrets. 

From a mental fitness perspective, C.J. Lee understands what it takes to be victorious.  It takes a total commitment to your goal and the belief that failure and defeat are not options. 

Remember, We Live within the Environment Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

 

The Power of You Can ’ t

He was a very inquisitive 14-year-old.  In fact, since he was very young, he always wanted to see how things worked.  As a result he took apart everything.   Sometimes he couldn't make things run again.

He had figured out how to take the bicycle apart and put it back together.  He was confident.  He was filled with anticipation, when his father said "you can't, can't do that!"

He was crushed emotionally.  His confidence evaporated quickly as he pondered the comments from his father.  His father never knew how powerful his comments were.

Now the rest of the story.  40 years later, he has been laid off after a successful career.  He shared with me the lasting effects of his father's comments.  Throughout his career, when his confidence was building, his father's comments entered his mind.  Doubts entered his mind.  He anticipated someone telling him "you can't, can't do that".

We talked about the power of language.  How much better would have been, if his father had said "please, don't do that" instead of the message that killed his confidence and weakened his identity.

What message are you giving your children?  If you are telling yourself and others "you can't, can't do that," now is the time to find a new message like "you can, you can".