He was a very inquisitive 14-year-old. In fact, since he was very young, he always wanted to see how things worked. As a result he took apart everything. Sometimes he couldn't make things run again.
He had figured out how to take the bicycle apart and put it back together. He was confident. He was filled with anticipation, when his father said "you can't, can't do that!"
He was crushed emotionally. His confidence evaporated quickly as he pondered the comments from his father. His father never knew how powerful his comments were.
Now the rest of the story. 40 years later, he has been laid off after a successful career. He shared with me the lasting effects of his father's comments. Throughout his career, when his confidence was building, his father's comments entered his mind. Doubts entered his mind. He anticipated someone telling him "you can't, can't do that".
We talked about the power of language. How much better would have been, if his father had said "please, don't do that" instead of the message that killed his confidence and weakened his identity.
What message are you giving your children? If you are telling yourself and others "you can't, can't do that," now is the time to find a new message like "you can, you can".
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