North Star Mental Fitness Blog

10 Relationship Values That Fill Me with Joy on a Daily Basis

Do you have joy in your life?

What do you think about that brings joy into you life?

Is it your accomplishments or successes in life?  Is it playful and fun activities?  Is it beautiful expressions of nature?  Is it your home?  Is it your job?  Is it your friends?  Is it your family?  Is it your beliefs?  Is it the purpose of your life?  Is it the ability to change?

All of the above can bring joy into life and specifically to my life.

When I thought about the question, I kept narrowing down the answer for me.  It became abundantly clear that relationships with others brought the greatest joy into my life.  Specifically, the relationship with my significant others and my wife brings the greatest joy into my life.  The more I thought about my relationship with my wife, I realized my joy was inseparable from 10 values shared most deeply with my wife.

I experience joy when I think of my relationship with my wife, because I know:

Tag... Why Do I Blog?

Blogging?  What is blogging? A year ago I fit into the category of knowing nothing about blogging.  Today, I still consider myself a novice and learning about blogging. I what to thank Patsy and Denise from The Blog Squad for introducing me to blogging and helping me learn how to blog. 

Still I feel like the new kid on the playground learning how to play a new game.  One of my respected friends, Karen from Live the Power, has invited me to play tag.  She invited me to play tag about why I blog?

Karen wrote "My good friend Alan from Madetobegreat.com has tagged me in another meme".  I had no idea what it meant to play tag "in another meme".  Before I began playing tag in a meme, I went to Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia, to find out what is a meme.

When I discovered what it means to play tag in a meme, I started running.

Simply Successful Secrets

Simply Successful Secrets is the name of an interactive research project started by Aaron Potts of Today Is That Day. 

I was invited to participate in the project by Karen of Live the Power.  Thank you Karen for "tagging" me.  Different bloggers are "tagged" for participation in the project by other "tagged' bloggers.

The purpose of this project is for each "tagged" person to identify and share 5 to10 things done on almost every day basis that help create their success.

To Be a Good Friend

"To be a good friend" was my burly, but gentle grandson's immediate response to my question.  I asked him "what is the most important thing you have learned from your parents".

I didn't know what to expect.  I was having a lot of fun and I had no idea what he might say.  In retrospect, I certainly didn't expect him to say "to be a good friend".

He went on to say he has learned to "always say Hi to people" and "to play games by their rules".

As Paul Harvey says, "And now for the rest of the story".

Play Deprivation and Illness

Play deprivation is very dangerous and harmful for children and adults.  No matter how old a person is, laughter, fun and play are necessary for good health.

Have you wondered why people develop heart attacks, diabetes, high blood pressure, alcoholism, obesity, drug abuse, relationship conflict, divorce and family conflicts?  Have you wondered why people develop more illnesses and severe illnesses as they age?

Do you know how play and illness are alike?

My Disquiet

My disquiet began in my childhood.  The roots of my disquiet were planted in my childhood unwittingly by my parents, schools, churches, and well-meaning organizations.  My parents and all of these well-meaning organizations cared about me and wanted me to grow into a well-balanced, responsible, happy, successful person. So what went wrong?

Looking back over my life I realized my parents, and especially the church were determined to teach, preach and funnel me into a responsible person who would do the "right thing" in all situations, with all people and at all times.   There was always the pressure of guilt and condemnation, if I was different than what others wanted me to be.   I felt the need to be "perfect" and to please people at all costs.

I became a responsible person, for which I will always be in gratitude to my parents, teachers and preachers.  As a child my disquiet began, because the process of learning to be responsible damaged and discounted my inner me. 

"Disquiet in Men" according to Dave

My disquiet was shared today in an interview with Dave Schoof of The Disquiet In Men.  Dave believes "disquiet" is a man's thing.  Dave's skillful and empathetic interviewing style helped me understand my "disquiet" and what I do and need to do to relieve it.  Tomorrow I will tell you about my "disquiet".

Today I want to tell you about Dave's understanding of the "Disquiet In Men".  He's discovered in his interviewing and coaching men that there is an undercurrent of "disquiet" even in very successful men.  Success does not take away a man's "disquiet".

Dave talks about what women have known for a long time: there's something wrong with men.  The women I know would not be surprised at all by Dave's belief that success does not take away the "disquiet" in men.  The "disquiet" cannot be dulled by alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, sports, work or sports.

Women seem to smell and amazingly sense the "disquiet" in their man.  Dave tells us why.

 

Gardening and Mental Fitness

Gardening and mental fitness give birth to vibrant and colorful living.

One of the major influences on my life has been my wife, who is a master gardener.  I am quite certain that she will be surprised to know how much her gardening has influenced my thinking about mental fitness.

There have been times when I've not listened carefully to her teaching about gardening.  Although I've been a poor listener and know very little about correct terminology, I've learned a lot from observation.

I will be blogging about gardening as it relates to mental fitness.  Although my insights will sometimes be very simplistic, they still are important for developing strong strategies to improve mental fitness and for having a strong, Mental Operational System (M0S).

Children's Anxiety Following an Accident

Children's anxiety can be significantly reduced in play.  Parents, grandparents and friends can play with children and reduce children's anxiety at the same time.

Recently, one of my daughters and two of my granddaughters were in a car accident.  Fortunately, no one was hurt.

When I found out about the accident, I immediately recalled a similar accident I had with my son.

Mental Fitness replaced Mental Illness

GM and mental fitness is not the subject of this blog.  Someday, it would be interesting to blog about the presence or absence of mental fitness in big companies and unions.

This blog, is about being a licensed psychologist in a GM town, Flint, MI.  I am not going to blog about the decline of GM in this area and the wave like effects on the economy.

Instead, I want to share with you how my thinking has changed.  I no longer think of people with mental illness, other than to make diagnoses for reimbursement from insurance companies.

Now I provide life and mental fitness coaching instead.  Why?