North Star Mental Fitness Blog

My Valentine

Today is Valentine's Day.  A special day to refresh our minds regarding how important our valentines are to us.  A special day to clear out the garbage that spoils are perceptions, thoughts, feelings and actions towards those we love.

10 Relationship Values That Fill Me with Joy on a Daily Basis

Do you have joy in your life?

What do you think about that brings joy into you life?

Is it your accomplishments or successes in life?  Is it playful and fun activities?  Is it beautiful expressions of nature?  Is it your home?  Is it your job?  Is it your friends?  Is it your family?  Is it your beliefs?  Is it the purpose of your life?  Is it the ability to change?

All of the above can bring joy into life and specifically to my life.

When I thought about the question, I kept narrowing down the answer for me.  It became abundantly clear that relationships with others brought the greatest joy into my life.  Specifically, the relationship with my significant others and my wife brings the greatest joy into my life.  The more I thought about my relationship with my wife, I realized my joy was inseparable from 10 values shared most deeply with my wife.

I experience joy when I think of my relationship with my wife, because I know:

Tag... Why Do I Blog?

Blogging?  What is blogging? A year ago I fit into the category of knowing nothing about blogging.  Today, I still consider myself a novice and learning about blogging. I what to thank Patsy and Denise from The Blog Squad for introducing me to blogging and helping me learn how to blog. 

Still I feel like the new kid on the playground learning how to play a new game.  One of my respected friends, Karen from Live the Power, has invited me to play tag.  She invited me to play tag about why I blog?

Karen wrote "My good friend Alan from Madetobegreat.com has tagged me in another meme".  I had no idea what it meant to play tag "in another meme".  Before I began playing tag in a meme, I went to Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia, to find out what is a meme.

When I discovered what it means to play tag in a meme, I started running.

To Be a Good Friend

"To be a good friend" was my burly, but gentle grandson's immediate response to my question.  I asked him "what is the most important thing you have learned from your parents".

I didn't know what to expect.  I was having a lot of fun and I had no idea what he might say.  In retrospect, I certainly didn't expect him to say "to be a good friend".

He went on to say he has learned to "always say Hi to people" and "to play games by their rules".

As Paul Harvey says, "And now for the rest of the story".

Play Deprivation and Illness

Play deprivation is very dangerous and harmful for children and adults.  No matter how old a person is, laughter, fun and play are necessary for good health.

Have you wondered why people develop heart attacks, diabetes, high blood pressure, alcoholism, obesity, drug abuse, relationship conflict, divorce and family conflicts?  Have you wondered why people develop more illnesses and severe illnesses as they age?

Do you know how play and illness are alike?

My Disquiet

My disquiet began in my childhood.  The roots of my disquiet were planted in my childhood unwittingly by my parents, schools, churches, and well-meaning organizations.  My parents and all of these well-meaning organizations cared about me and wanted me to grow into a well-balanced, responsible, happy, successful person. So what went wrong?

Looking back over my life I realized my parents, and especially the church were determined to teach, preach and funnel me into a responsible person who would do the "right thing" in all situations, with all people and at all times.   There was always the pressure of guilt and condemnation, if I was different than what others wanted me to be.   I felt the need to be "perfect" and to please people at all costs.

I became a responsible person, for which I will always be in gratitude to my parents, teachers and preachers.  As a child my disquiet began, because the process of learning to be responsible damaged and discounted my inner me. 

Children's Anxiety Following an Accident

Children's anxiety can be significantly reduced in play.  Parents, grandparents and friends can play with children and reduce children's anxiety at the same time.

Recently, one of my daughters and two of my granddaughters were in a car accident.  Fortunately, no one was hurt.

When I found out about the accident, I immediately recalled a similar accident I had with my son.

Mental Fitness replaced Mental Illness

GM and mental fitness is not the subject of this blog.  Someday, it would be interesting to blog about the presence or absence of mental fitness in big companies and unions.

This blog, is about being a licensed psychologist in a GM town, Flint, MI.  I am not going to blog about the decline of GM in this area and the wave like effects on the economy.

Instead, I want to share with you how my thinking has changed.  I no longer think of people with mental illness, other than to make diagnoses for reimbursement from insurance companies.

Now I provide life and mental fitness coaching instead.  Why?

Second Influence from Childhood

Mental fitness influences, often, come from unexpected places.  Yesterday I blogged about my Dad and the unveiling of his motivations and the passion from his heart.

Today I want to tell about My Dad's rowdy, fun loving, poor friends.  Mr father's friends created success during the recovery from the depression. 

As a child, these people scared me.  I felt a need to "protect" my Dad from their boisterous comments, wrestling, and rough housing.  I was so upset that as a six year old I would not even go for an ice cream cone with them. 

As I play back the history, sounds and visions of childhood, this family was the second greatest influence on my life.  They taught me the possibility for creating success in the midst of adversity. 

Mental Fitness and Childhood

Dad and Mental fitness may seem like a strange combination.  To me they are intimately connected.  My Dad taught me me a lot about life, love, giving, and success

I was raised after the great depression.  As a child I experienced the victory at the end of World War II.  I recall the rationing of gas, food stamps, and no or limited food in stores.

Above all, I remember what my Dad taught me about life and success.