North Star Mental Fitness Blog

Recognition: Expectation and Acceptance Without Recognition Fails

Divorce is inevitable, when people do not expect, identify, accept and recognize emptiness and signals of emptiness in themselves or their partners.  Dysfunctional relationships are also the results of people's failure to understand emptiness and signals of emptiness.

You may expect and accept your car to approach empty on a regular basis.  However, if you fail to recognize the message given to you by the gas gage, you are destined to sit at the side of the road.  Failure to recognize signals of emptiness and emptiness is the prescription for prolonged emptiness and eventual failure. 

With cars, it is easy to recognize the signal, because we only have one place to look in order to find the signal.  Since humans have enumerable signals of emptiness, it is more difficult to recognize your significant other's signals.

Sometimes the signals will be thoughts (I think our relationship sucks) or feelings (you don't love me anymore).  Sometimes the signals will be seen in behavior (dirty looks or slamming doors) or in your relationship (arguing and avoiding each other).  Sometimes the signals of emptiness will be seen in activities (affairs, irresponsible spending and engaging in self-defeating behaviors).

It is necessary to recognize signals of emptiness when they occur.  It is important to interpret and understand our partner's signals of emptiness are not weaknesses, criticisms or attempts to control us. 

It is very important for us to recognize when our partners have wants, needs or desires to fulfill themselves.  If we want satisfying and satisfactory interpersonal relationships with our significant others, it is important to recognize their individuality without feeling rejected or ignored.

By accepting and recognizing your significant other's signals of emptiness as only signals of emptiness, you can have an inner peace in stead of emotional pain and your significant others will realize that you are there for them.

Live in the now! Let us recognize when we are empty and our significant others are empty.  If we do not recognize emptiness and signals of emptiness in ourselves and our significant others, we are destined to have dysfunctional relationships, emotional detachment and divorce.

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

The other posts in regard to emptiness and signals of emptiness are:

1. If You Can Drive a Car, You Can Have Satisfying and Sensitive Relationships!
2. Knowledge: Do You Really Know?
3. Expectations: What Do You Expect?
4. Expectations: What to Expect in Your Relationships?
5. Identify Signals; Not Problems; Not Symptoms!
6. Acceptance: Can You Really Accept?

Expectations: What Do You Expect?

If you know how to drive a car, you have all of the psychological tools to have a refreshed self-concept and empowered, satisfying and sensitive relationships.  This statement may sound like an over-statement, but it is true.

New Year's Courage

New Year's Eve has passed and now we are in new year.  Perhaps you made New Year's Resolutions Now Is the time reaffirm our resolutions and courageously commit to living our resolutions for this year.

Now is the time to think of our lives and our resolutions.  Let us put our specific resolutions within the bigger picture of taking care of ourselves throughout the next year. 

At this time of year we can review our lives and realize how important it is to take care of ourselves. 

Lynn Bufka, Ph.D. good making New Year's resolutions in perspective when she said:

 “Remember, it is not the extent of the change that matters, but rather the act of recognizing that lifestyle change is important and working toward it, one step at a time.”

Lynn's quotation appeared in the AP Help Center article on Making Your New Year's Resolutions Stick.

Realizing what lifestyle changes you want to make and what lifestyle changes you do not want to make it is what I mean by taking care of yourself during the next year. 

It takes real courage to be willing to look at one's lifestyle with the intent of making beneficial changes for ourselves. 

It takes real courage to realize that we need to change what we've identified. 

It takes real courage begin to make the changes that we've identified.

It takes real courage to make the changes one day at a time. 

It takes real courage to make the changes, when we are tired, feeling miserable and circumstances are per to be overwhelmingly against us. 

It takes real courage to make the changes and feel good about ourselves on a daily basis, while we are progressing towards a long-range goal.

It takes real courage to reach our goals.

It takes real courage to continue the changes after we reached our goals.

As we progress through the year 2009, let us go with courage to take care of ourselves on a daily basis and actualize our resolutions.

Remember, We Live within the Environment Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

 

I THINK, THEREFORE I AM

"Cogito ergo sum" according to Wikipedia has been the foundation of Western philosophy.  It also is the foundation of many psychological theories.  René Descartes is the philosopher, who is given credit for this statement.

"I Think, Therefore I Am" is a phrase used to establish our existence.  According to Wikipedia:

"The simple meaning of the phrase is that if someone is wondering whether or not he exists, that is in and of itself proof that he does exist".

"I Think, Therefore I Am" is misquoted as "I Doubt, I Think, Therefore I Am".  This statement is very interesting, because doubting as well as thinking determines our existence.

These quotations also apply in the field of psychology.  "I Think, Therefore I Am" not only determines our existence, it also determines our quality of life. 

• Our thinking determines our feelings.
• Our thinking and feelings determine our behavior:
• Our thinking, feelings and behavior determine how we relate.
• Our thinking, feeling, behavior and relating determines our activities.
• Our thinking, feeling, behavior, and relating and activities determine our external circumstances.
• Our thinking, feeling, behavior, relating, activities, and external circumstances determine our health.

Therefore, it is safe to conclude that are thinking will determine the quality of our life.

In psychology, it is also true that "I doubt, I think, therefore I am".  Doubts, insecurities, anxieties, fears, disappointments and depression are just some of the factors that can determine our thinking, if we let them.  All of these negative factors well powerfully determine our thoughts, feelings, behavior, relating, activities, external circumstances and health.

It is important to be conscious of what we think, because our thinking is so powerful.  Today become aware and become very clear how important your doubts or thoughts are in determining the quality of your life.

Remember, We Live within the Environment Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

When Your Adult Child Is in Trouble or Troubled

His college-age son recently attempted suicide.  Her daughter has made numerous bad decisions and currently is in a dead-end relationship.  Her daughter repeatedly asks for money and never manages her money well. 

Living in a Recession

Recession is here.  We do not know what will happen tomorrow, let alone today.  There seem to be so many major forces controlling the economy of the entire world.  The major question is how do we survive psychologically as well as financially.

The North Star Mental Fitness Program has 15 major strategies for coping with recession.  The strategies can give you hope.  The strategies will allow you to be free and independent.  The strategies will allow you to overcome feeling emotionally devastated as you loose your homes, jobs, finances and savings.  The strategies can become tools for making your life decisions; big or small.  The strategies can help you learn to take care herself in all situations, even in a recession.

                                            THE 15 STRATEGIES

OF THE NORTH STAR MENTAL FITNESS PROGRAM AND

I LIVE WITHIN THE ENVIRONMENT CREATED

BY MY CHOICES

1.  THE FREEDOM CHOICE:  How to become free from your past and present                                                  

                                                       problems.

2.  THE RIGHT CHOICE:  Procedure to change thoughts, feelings, behavior,

                                          relationships, activities and external circumstances.

3.  THE WAKE UP CHOICE:  Identification of your wants, needs and what you need                       

                                                      to do to take care of you and be successful.

4.  THE BIG CHOICE:  Procedure and criteria for caring for you.

5.  THE POWER CHOICE:  Three step procedure for success and successful caring for

                                                  you.

6.  THE RESPONSIBLE CHOICE:  Procedure for managing frustrations.

7.  THE TURN AROUND CHOICE:  Procedure to stop “messing up”.

8.  THE CHECK POINT CHOICE:  Procedure to monitor and evaluate your choices.

                                                

 9.  THE TIME CHOICE:  Purpose and procedure for living in the present.  

                                       

10.  THE RELATIONSHIP CHOICE:  Procedure for heartwarming relationships.                                                                  

11.  THE RELATIONSHIP TURN AROUND CHOICE:  Procedure to stop “messing          

                                                                                                  up” in your relationships.

 

12.  THE CHILD CHOICE:  Having fun, spontaneous emotions and activities.

13.  THE ADULT CHOICE:  Making logical, practical and rational decisions.

14.  THE PARENT CHOICE:  Being a good parent to yourself.

15.  THE LETTING GO CHOICE:  Procedure for letting go of “messing up,” guilt and        

                                                               painful emotions.  

                                                           

With these 15 mental fitness strategies, you can emotionally survive and thrive in difficult times like today's financial world.  With the strategies you can psychologically prepare yourself to make successful decisions in your financial life.  I urge you to seek financial guidance from experts.  With the mental fitness program and financial guidance from the export of your choice, you can begin to live in a thriving environment.

 

If you are interested in purchasing these programs, please e-mail me.

 

Remember, You Live within the Environment Created by Your Choices!

 

Dr. Hal

 

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

 

 

 

Do You Want to Lose Weight and Become More Fit?

Many people believe that losing weight will make us more fit.  Wrong!

Not so according to a recent study of seniors.  64 sedentary overweight or obese 60 to 75-year-old people were studied for four months.  The results of this study showed weight loss through dieting alone is not the answer for becoming fit.

The researchers studied whether greater fitness would result from dieting, exercising or a combination of dieting and exercising.  This study was reported in Health Habits and entitled Senior Fitness: A Fountain of Youth?

The winner was the exercise and diet group.  The participants who both dieted and exercised for four months were most efficient in the exercise task, did not lose muscle mass and their weight loss was associated with using body-fat as a source of energy.

The diet group showed no improvement in physical fitness.  They lost weight.  However, their weight loss was due to a loss of muscle mass as well as fat.

If you want to lose weight and become more physically fit, then it is necessary to ea less and exercise more.

Remember, We Live within the Bodies Created by Our Choices.

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

It Is Not a Matter of Good or Bad Economic Times

We all know that it does matter.  It does matter financially whether we are in good or bad economic times.  It does matter whether we have a job, are making money and our investments are thriving.

So why did I entitle this post "it is not a matter of good or bad economic times"? 

This statement is made from the perspective of mental fitness.  Coaches know that they want their players to play hard with passion and commitment to their game plan throughout the whole game. 

It is not a matter whether the team is winning or losing.  When the team is winning, the coach wants the team to play hard and with passion.  When the team is losing, the coach wants to team to play hard and with passion.  Therefore, it is not a matter of winning or losing.  What is important is playing the entire game with passion, physical commitment and adherence to the game plan.

Likewise, when our economy and investments are doing well, it is important for us to maintain our focus and commitment to taking care of ourselves.  Similarly, when our economy and investments are doing poorly, it is just as important for us to maintain our focus and commitment to taking care of ourselves.

Therefore, it really is not a matter of whether we are living in good or bad economical times.  In all circumstances, we must focus on making the best decisions we can.  We must maintain our confidence and focus.  We must not give in to fear.  We must not listen to those who find problems in life rather than opportunities. 

Since it is not a matter of good or bad economic times, it is important for you to step up, make good decisions, be flexible and willing to change.  We can find opportunity in bad economic times.  We can find inner strength when others are weak.  We can't maintain our focus, commitment and hard work to improve the quality of our lives in good and bad times.

You can give in and become defeated, because of bad economic times.  Or you can become energized and determined to improve the quality of your life in difficult times. 

Remember, You Live within the Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Mental Fitness and Economic Tough Times

Last week was a nightmare for our economy; in fact for the world economy.  We saw the stock market plummet.  We see our savings ripped away from our investments.  The value of our homes has dropped.  We are fearful that we may lose our jobs.  Will we be able to support our families?

We see giant banks fail?  We see incompetence and self-serving interests destroying our Congress and Executive branch of our government.  We see government policies underlying the financial principles of good business.  We see greed on Wall Street.  We see the President and Congress bailing out big industry and we feel we are not being represented.

There is no doubt that our country and the world's economy are on the verge of collapse.  We are experiencing post traumatic stress and the economy is the stress.  We are angry!  We are fearful!  We have been deceived!  We experienced panic!  We are discouraged and depressed!

All of these emotional reactions are understandable and natural.  The economic catastrophe has strangled our lifestyle and is threatening our well-being.

From a mental fitness perspective, we have a choice: 

1. We can allow the economy to determine our feelings and actions.  
2. We can realize that our thinking determines our feelings and actions regarding the economy.

We can empower ourselves even in bad economic times by how we think.  We do not have to allow the economy to determine our mood and quality of life.   We do not have to allow things outside of our control destroy the quality of our life.

How do we empower ourselves in bad times?   We focus on taking care of ourselves!  We focus on our inner strength.  We focus and make choices to take care of ourselves.  We feel good about out decisions.  If we focus and act to take care of ourselves, our thinking will determine our mood and outlook on life.

With greater urgency we approach our lives in difficult times.  We realize our confidence is not determined by the economy.  Our confidence is the result of our inner thinking, decision-making, and commitment to do what is necessary to take care of ourselves.

In good or bad times, we must take care of ourselves.  Let us focus on what we must do to take care of ourselves and our families.  Let us commit to freedom generated by our choice making. 

Let us unite and commit to reforming our government and economic system.   Let us stop being victimized by our elected officials and companies entrusted to manage our financial resources.  Let us stop listening to the lies and rhetoric from Washington and Wall Street.  Let us become aware.  Let us purge from out government and big business those who are motivated by self-serving interests and party allegiance to the detriment of our country.

Remember, We Live within the Environment and Economy Created by Our Choices.

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

CURSE OR POOR MENTAL FITNESS

The Chicago Cubs again failed in their pursuit of becoming World Series champions.  Now it is over 100 years of falling short of their goal.  A lot has been written about the curse.

Is the underachieving Cub's failure to perform the result of a curse?  Or is their propensity for losing indicative of poor mental fitness?

I believe that the Cub's failure to achieve is because of poor mental fitness.  How else can you explain nine straight losses in post-season play?  The Chicago Cubs were the best team in the NL in terms of scoring runners in scoring position during the regular season.  How can you explain their failure to score more than two runs on average in six games over a two-year period?  How can you explain the extremely sloppy play from a team that was first in victories during the season?

Poor mental fitness is characterized by loss of momentum.  The Chicago Cubs lost momentum for winning prior to the beginning of the post-season play.  They rested their players and held tryouts for a reliever for post-season play.  There could be many other reasons why they lost their momentum.  For some momentum is created by winning and success. 

For champions momentum is the result of confidence derived by empowered thinking associated with mental fitness training and is not determined by winning and playing well.  Champions learn to maintain their momentum even when they play poorly and loose.

When players have poor mental fitness, momentum can be destroyed by playing poorly or losing.  Teams that have good mental fitness training, can maintain momentum even when they lose or play poorly.  The Chicago Cubs failed to show momentum in the playoffs following their wonderful season.

Poor mental fitness also results in problems with confidence.  False confidence and lack of confidence are symptomatic of players or teams with poor mental fitness.  The Chicago Cubs played with a lack of confidence, emotion and determination.

It is important to realize that momentum and confidence are not determined by our external accomplishments or determined by circumstances like the wind blows a kite.  No matter how bad our circumstances are and no matter how successful we've been in the past, it is important to live in the present.  We need to think about ourselves and our circumstances in a way that will generate momentum and confidence. 

Without momentum and confidence, playing poorly is to be expected.  For all of us, momentum and confidence are necessary for achieving success in the benefits of success in our lives.

Remember, We Live within the Environment Created by Our Circumstances!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach