North Star Mental Fitness Blog

The Real Battle Is Inside the Mind

I read a wonderful article on Mental Fitness by Mark Salinas.  I urge you to read this article as it is loaded with mental fitness tips.

Mark wrote "athletes know their real battle is not so much on the field or track, but inside their mind". 

This quotation reminds me of a talk I had with a very skilled archer.  For 10 years, he could not get past shooting 90%.  Shooting 9 out of 10 arrows successfully sounded great to me, but not for a professional archer.  Only after studying mental fitness and sports psychology was he able to improve his shooting.

As I read what Mark wrote, I quickly realized that people's problems with their spouses, children, parents, employers or employees are not due to the other individual.  We like to blame other people and wish that they would change.  Professional athletes and athletes in the stadiums of human experience, know that the battle is inside their mind.  We must learn how to change how we think about the important people in our lives in order to change our feelings and reduce our conflicts.

From a mental fitness perspective, you can change your feelings by changing your thinking; not by trying to change the other person.  The other person does not have to make significant changes in order for us to change our feelings.  Your mental fitness can never be dependent on someone else.  Your mental fitness depends on your thinking and mind conditioning. 

Mark put it this way "it is a must that you manage your mental state".

Your thinking for victorious living depends on training your mind to be fit and tough.  This is why I became a Life and Mental Fitness Coach.

Remember, You Live within the Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Announcing the Mind Fitness Newsletter

For a long time I have been blogging.  In fact, I have made 350 posts.  I have enjoyed the new acquaintances I have made, including fellow bloggers with similar interests.  I have especially enjoyed and appreciated the comments made by readers of my blog.

As you may have noticed, the frequency of my posts has decreased.  I have been researching various ideas for increasing interpersonal interaction and communication between myself and the readers of this blog.  Blogging has been way too impersonal form me and I think for most of my readers.

I want to know my readers.  I want to know  your feelings, thoughts and goals.  I want to interact with you, my readers, while you are applying mental fitness concepts to improve the quality of your lives.  I want to know where you are stuck and where you are progressing.

I have chosen to start a newsletter by the name of "Mind Fitness".  I have some great ideas regarding how to make mental fitness more personal and interactive.  I'll also be asking you for your ideas.

You may have noticed on the upper right corner of my blog, there is a "Sign Me Up" place for you to click and become a recipient of the newsletter.  The newsletter will be free.  I hope you will sign up.  However, I hope you will only sign up if you want to interact and feel empowered in applying mental fitness in your life.

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

What You See and Hear Is Wired By Experience

Research in brain neuroplasticity is destroying the simplicity of my understanding of our brains, senses and perceptions of reality.

Before I began reading about brain neuroplasticity, my understanding of the brain and senses was unsophisticated, logical and supported by traditional knowledge.

I am wrongly believed that my eyes communicated to my brain what was in my eye's view.  Likewise, I was again wrong in believing that what was my ears heard was heard by everybody the same way as long as their ears were functioning well.  I thought what I heard was accurately sent through my ears to the brain.

New research has shown that what we see, hear or sense is determined by past sensory experience.  In other words, what we see is determined by past visual experience and what we hear is determined by past auditory experience.

Jeffrey M. Schwartz, M.D. and Sharon Begley reported some very exciting research in their book, The Mind and the Brain, Neuroplasticity and the Power of Mental Force.

This research is very important for parents.

Silda Spitzer Standing Strong and Standing Up Elliott

Heartbreak!  Heart broken!  Her dreams broken!  Her life twisted and  turned upside down by the whirlwind disclosures of her husband's infidelity.  The essence of her marriage destroyed.

Holding in her pain as seen in her face and facing the entire world and media, she stood strong and committed to herself and her role. 

From a mental fitness and mental toughness perspective, I admire and respect Silda Spitzer.  Let's get it right.  Our eyes betray us and pictures did not tell the complete story.  Silda Spitzer is not and was not standing behind Eliot.

Silda Spitzer has been standing with her husband throughout his career. 

Silda Spitzer has been standing in front of her husband throughout his career.  She has been his solace, coach, guide and resource person.  What we see in the famous pictures is not Silda standing behind Eliot. Instead, we once again see Silda behind the scenes standing up Eliot!

Block Your Critics

Block Your Critics!  This is the advice from Bo Schembechler, the legendary coach of the University of Michigan Wolverines.  "Ignore your critics" is a chapter in Bo Schembechler and John U. Bacon's book, "Bo's Lasting Lessons".

Bo quoted Fritz Crisler regarding his advice for coping with critics:

"If you're winning, you don't need them.  And if you're losing, they can't help you."

Bo Schembechler prepared for 101,001 critics every Saturday and millions more on TV.  You may not have that many critics in your life.  However, one or two critics, who are very significant to you, can be as overwhelming as 101,000 critics on a football weekend.

How do you block out a critic?  How do you block out a critic, who might be a husband, wife, parent, child, employer or fellow employee?

How Husbands Can Win

One of the purposes of this blog site is to apply sport psychology in the stadium of human experience outside of sports.  Sport psychology as written about in "Bo's Lasting Lessons, The Legendary Coach Teaches the Timeless Fundamentals of Leadership".

As I read chapter 19, "Listen Before You Lead"  I realized what Bo said really applied to being a husband.   

But first Bo wrote about his image, which certainly is seemingly not conducive to being a good husband.    

"Look, I m fully aware that my public image is--how can I put this?--that of a cantankerous guy who rants up and down the sidelines screaming at people and smashing headsets.  But that is what you saw on Saturday--although that is pretty much how I acted at practice during the week, too.   But what you didn't see was how we talked to each other during the week."

I am not suggesting that husbands rant and rave to their wives and children, so they can be like Bo.  Too many husbands already act like Bo in this regard.  They rant up and down the sidelines in their homes. Unfortunately, ranting husbands fail to understand the importance of liking their wives and children.  They do not listen.

Here is what Bo had to say to husbands.

Forgiveness Is a Choice

When your focus is on taking care of yourself, you'll have real choices to feel angry and hurt or you can make the choice to forgive.  It is important for you to determine in he specific situations whether it's best for you to remain angry and hurt or to forgive.

There are benefits that derive from being angry and hurt just like there are benefits that derive from forgiving.

I read an article from Newswise entitled "Learning to Forgive May Improve Well-Being".  This article appeared in Mayo Clinic Women's Health Source. 

Newswise wrote "Holding a grudge appears to affect the cardiovascular and nervous systems".  Other research findings were also reported.

What Is Needed To Turn Your Relationship into A Team?

Is your relationship a team?  Has your marriage become a team?  Do you want your relationship to become a team?

It may sound foreign to talk about families, marriages and significant relationships with analogies from the world of sports.  In the world of sports the team becomes the all-important focus.  Individual accomplishments and achievements become secondary to the welfare and success of the team.

Talking about your significant relationships as a team can provide insights for strengthening and developing stronger relationships.  From a mental fitness perspective, in team sports, it is important to become a committed team member rather than striving for individual brilliance or mercilessly criticizing a team member.

Every day I talk with people in relationships where there is a lost sense of "team.  For many couples, I believe, they've never thought of establishing a relationship from the perspective of a team.  In some relationships the members of the group seem to be antagonistic and opponents rather than teammates.

Jim Harbaugh is a former quarterback for the University of Michigan football team and currently is coach of the football team at Stanford University.  The legendary University Michigan Football Coach, Bo Schembechler coached Harbaugh.  In George Cantor's book "I Remember Bo..." Harbaugh shared what he learned from Bo about the team.

Mother Teresa' Quotations Applied In Maternal Love

For over forty years Mother Teresa ministered to the poor, sick, orphaned, and dying.  She directed the Missionaries of Charity's expansion, first throughout India and then in other countries.

In 1979 she won the Noble Peace Prize for her humanitarian work. 

According to Wikipedia:

"Mother Teresa's Missionaries of Charity continued to expand, and at the time of her death it was operating 610 missions in 123 countries, including hospices and homes for people with HIV/AIDS, leprosy and tuberculosis, soup kitchens, children's and family counseling programs, orphanages, and schools."

I visited a website, Beyond Positive Thinking, and found some wonderful quotes from Mother Teresa on love.

As I read through the quotations, many of them reminded me of love shown by mothers to their children and families.  Here are some of the quotations that I believe apply to mother's love.

Change Perception And Change Reality

The secret to resolving marital conflict or relationship conflict is for both people to change their perception.  If they are able to change their perception, they will be able to change reality.

I talked to a couple, who focused on changing reality.  He had an interest in pornography.  He thought his interest in pornography was harmless.  His wife perceived his interest in pornography as a violation of trust and commitment.  She was very distrustful and hurt.  He was feeling controlled and misunderstood.

In order to continue their relationship, she insisted that he remove pornography from his computer and life.  Their attempt to change the reality of their relationship without changing their perceptions failed miserably.

I asked them to identify and share their