North Star Mental Fitness Blog

When "Yes, I Can" Becomes a Problem

My post about "Yes, I Can" emphasized how difficult is is to make this affirmation and how important this affirmation is for generating succcess.  The post "How Many Success Do You Need Before You Can Conclude Your Are Succcessful" stressed the importance of drawing the conclusion that we are succcessful after we have been succcessful.

Both of these posts extol the importance of having this successful motivation and identity. 

Did you know, "Yes, I Can" isn't always a good mind set?  Here is why. 

"Yes, I Can" has to be used judiciously.  It is very easy the say "Yes, I Can" and find yourself over-whemed with responsibilities, commitments, and obligations. 

How many times have you know better, and still failed to say "No".  Logically, you know you can  do it, so you take on more and more.  Before long your life is no longer yours.  You work and work.  Your quality of life begins to suffer and you feel the symptoms of burn-out. 

The force of "Yes, I Can"  needs to be controlled and limited by the motive and drive "Is This Best for Me".  Sometimes you need to say "No" emphatically to "Yes, I Can" and the relentless requests from others to do more.   Asking the question, "Is This Best for Me" can stop you from over extending yourself by assuming too many responsibilities and eventually living in the neighborhood of perpetual burrn-out.

 Remember, You Live Within the Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Yes, I Can

"Yes, I Can" is a wonderful affirmation.  This affirmation will program the mind for success in all areas of one's life.

I have been very surprised by the difficulties many clients have with making success generating affirmations. 

Freedom from Problem-Solving

This is the most important blog I've ever written regarding about mental fitness. I want you to know "If you're fit in your head, you can deal with anything".

We live in a problem oriented society.  For many people life is a depressing merry-go-round of identifying problems and then trying to find solutions for their problems.  People spend most of their lives being preoccupied and worried about their problems, while frantically and incessantly pursuing solutions to their problems.  No matter how many successful solutions you find, life always seems to have more problems in need of solutions.

Before long people are captured by our societal norms and expectations to solve problem.  They live with barren lives consumed with problem solving.  Everywhere people look, there are problems.  Problems surface and resurface regularly.  Problems multiply like rabbits.  Problems, problems and more problems.  People soon live within an environment dominated by problems and the obsessive pursuit of solutions.

Yesterday, I had a very enlightening conversation with one of my clients, who clearly expressed a traditional work ethic.  She also explained how the traditional work ethic of identifying problems and constantly working to find solutions almost killed her.  She had sunk into a world of depression with suicidal ideation, because she could not find solutions to her problems.

This is what she told me.

Play To Win; Not to Lose

The University of Michigan football team is undergoing a transition period.  There has been a coaching change.  Hopefully there will also be a change in motivation and psychology.

Lloyd Carr has a wonderful reputation as a coach.  He has been well-liked by his players, fellow coaches and most people he has met.  He has been a role model for running a football program with morals.

Unfortunately, Coach Carr appeared to motivate his team with the philosophy to not lose.  As a result the team game plans were entirely predictable, unimaginative and way too conservative.  His game plans built on the philosophy to not lose prevented his teams from beating teams who were motivated creatively and imaginatively to win.

Too often, people are like conservative coaches.  We play our lives not lose.  We do not play our lives to win!  We motivate ourselves to not make mistakes rather than taking the risk of going beyond our comfort zones.  We do not set goals for self-actualization, instead settling for its self-preservation.

Pleasing Others

Are you living within the environment created by pleasing others or are you living within the environment created by taking care of yourself?

Today I talked to a depressed man, who has centered his live around pleasing others.

Why was he depressed?

Reminiscing about Mental Fitness

He was reminiscing about what he had learned in 35 years of being a manager in an auto factory.  Also he has been married more than 35 years, has two grown children and two grandchildren.  During his life he has wrestled with anxiety and panic. 

In spite of his anxiety and panic, he was able to identify that he has "inner strength".  Adjusting and coping with problems on an everyday basis has made him a much stronger person.

He has learned how to successfully take care of himself, which is the object of mental fitness and mental health.  He reported that he has learned two very important things about taking care of himself.  He has learned that:

What is motivation?

John Naber won four gold medals and the silver medal in swimming at the 1976 Olympics in Montreal.  All of his final Olympic times were world records as reported by Mat Luebbers at About.com.

In order to achieve at such a successful level, John was highly motivated.  John defined motivation as:

"The excitement and enthusiasm you get whenever you imagine what it's going to feel like when your personal dream actually comes true.

I realized that whenever I lost sight of my dream (or lost sight in its achievability), I lost my motivation, so the easiest way to get it back was to imagine the dream coming true. The goose-bumps would return, and that feeling helped me get back into the workout, the meet or the regimen necessary to succeed."

Do You Learn More from Failure or Success?

Have you ever wondered if you learn more from failure or success?

I ask you to consider that our mindsets can determine whether we learn more from failure or success.

If we focus more on failures in life, I imagine we would learn more from failures.  By focusing more on failures, we increase the risk of attracting more and more failures into our life.  Before long we might find ourselves living within the environment created by failure.

If we focus on learning from our successes, we can attract more and more successes into our lives.  Professional golfer, Hale Irwin, gave his outlook on life:

"I've Learn More from Victory, Because I Have Trained Myself to Concentrate on the Good and Positive"

 

How to Think about Losing

How do you cope with losses in your life?  Do you allow yourself to feel defeated, discouraged and give up hope?  Do you find yourself settling for a life of disappointment?  Do you allow your self-concept to take on the characteristics of a loser?

Greg Norman the professional golfer known as the "Shark" shows us how to think about losses and defeats.

Greg verbalized his identity and affirmed his self-concept by saying:

"I Am a Winner.  I Just Didn't Win Today".

Visualizing Success

Visualizing success opens the window of opportunity for success.  The Law of Attraction can be actualized in your life by thinking thoughts and visualizing your life as successful.

Tiger Woods, one of the most famous and successful professional golfers emphasized the importance of visualization in these words:

"Every Time I Play, In My Own Mind I Am The Favorite"!