North Star Mental Fitness Blog

Mindsets For Success

What motivates you?  What is your mindset?  Your mindset is important in every aspect of your life.

We have a very depressing economy.  The value of our property is depreciating due to the mortgage fiasco.  Many people are worried about maintaining their employment or have lost their employment.  Financial pressures magnify problems within marriages and families.

Your mindset determines your financial, interpersonal and psychological status in your life!  Today I would like to talk about three different mindsets.

When things go bad in life, many people often exercise the mindset of "not losing".  They seem to have a mindset that says "I don't want to lose".  Although this mindset may be appropriate at some times in our lives, it usually results in people becoming defensive and protective of themselves and their resources.  They try to hold on to what they have rather than increasing what they have.  They try to hold onto who they have been rather than growing and changing.  They are motivated to not lose rather than to win!

The second mindset is a mindset to win.  With this mindset a person is motivated and dedicated to win.  No matter how bad the circumstances are, this person is motivated to win at all costs.  You probably have heard the saying "when the going gets tough, the tough get going"!  With this mindset, people, often times, are obsessed with winning.  They view life as competition and they always have to win.  They seem to not enjoy what they accomplish and who they are.  They are devastated when they cannot win.

The third mindset is a mindset leading to self-actualization and growth.  Problems in living are perceived to be opportunities; opportunities for learning, changing and growing.  Dr. Alan Goldberg put it this way "You must let go of that obsessive need to win or beat others (which is actually limiting you) and instead focus on being the very best that YOU can be. Simply put you must make your goal improvement, NOT winning.

Steve Siebold writes about the differences in mindsets between the middle class and millionaires in his new book, How Rich People Think.   Steve wrote  "It's no mystery why 1% of Americans own 42% of the country's wealth. The good news is the rich are no smarter than the rest of us, they just think differently about money. The secret is to learn their thought processes, habits and philosophies and copy them. It's that simple, and this is what this book is all about."

In your relationships, are you:

1. Trying to not lose?
2. Trying to win?
3. Trying to grow and be yourself?

In your financial life, are you:

1. Trying to not lose?
2. Trying to win?
3. Trying to grow and be yourself?Remember,

Remember, We Live within the Relationship and Finances Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Tarkenton Still Scrambling in His Senior Years

Fran Tarkenton is still known as the elite scrambling quarterback.  If he didn't beat his opponent with his passing, he did it with his running.  Now in his senior years,

Enough Is Enough

When is enough enough?  We have experienced unimaginable bidding wars in the National Basketball Association for Lebron James and his cohorts.  The amount of money they have been offered is hard to fathom.  Even though Lebron James took less money to sign with the Miami Heat, he still settled for a king's ransom.

In contrast, I read an article by Sesn Conboy in the Pittsburgh Magazine.com about Lamarr Woodley.

Lamarr Woodley is a former football player at the University of Michigan and currently is a star linebacker for the Pittsburgh Steelers.  In 2009, he was a first-time Pro Bowler.  He made 25 sacks from his linebacker position in the last two years.

In this article,

I Am an Awesome Person!

She has large brown eyes and a big smile on her face as she anxiously and then more confidently shocked me with her self-assessment. 

"IN SPITE OF EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED TO ME, I AM AN AWESOME PERSON"!

She went on to tell me how important it is to not allow her past to influence her life.  Although she is only 16, she expressed a mindset crafted by very few people.

You might ask what could have happened to her in 16 years.

Automatic Negative Thoughts are called ANTS by Dr. Amen. 

Unfortunately, most of us never question our thoughts, so we don't know we have ANTS.  We never entertain the idea that our thoughts could be misleading or self-defeating.  Since we never question our thoughts, our Automatic Negative Thoughts even though negative, are completely accepted as the truth. 

Unchallenged Automatic Negative Thoughts determine how we feel, how we behave and how we relate in our relationships.  Unchallenged Automatic Negative Thoughts destroy our confidence and turn potential successes into failures.  Most dreams are destroyed by unchallenged Automatic Negative Thoughts.

Automatic Negative Thoughts are lies!  Our minds lie to us, when we have Automatic Negative Thoughts!  If our Automatic Negative Thoughts are lies, then stop believing them!

What are your automatic negative thoughts?  It is important for you to identify your automatic negative thoughts, because these ANTS can create temporary or permanent discomfort and dysfunction in your life.

Here are some ANTS that you might have:

• I will never be successful.
• I cannot have a loving, caring and lasting relationship.
• I cannot pass any test.
• I will never be able to lose weight.
• I always disappoint myself, parents, spouses and children.  He
• I will never be secure.
• I can never please anyone.
• I will never be healthy again.
• I am too old to do anything.
• I am always discriminated against.
• I am always rejected and demeaned by others.
• I am controlled by others.

These are just a few examples of ANTS.  Identify your ANTS and destroy them!  Replace your ANTS with positive and empowering thoughts.  Practice these thoughts frequently.

Remember, We Live within the Identity and Environment Created by Our Mindsets!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

MALE RULES

Male rules?  What are male rules? 

I found this article explaining male rules in a local newspaper dedicated to humor.  I found the rules to be humorous.  Then it hit me.  Some of these rules, if not most of the rules, probably are operating in the minds of men and create never-ending pain in relationship with women.

With a smile on my face, I hope you will enjoy MALE RULES, which are quoted as written in The Good Life..

Successful Teenagers

Michael Jordan was motivated to elevate his performance continually to higher levels.  I want to tell you about three teenagers, who also have had high aspirations and recently achieved great successes.  All three teenagers showed remarkable ability to focus and achieve their goals.

When Chalonda Goodman was six years old, she was enthralled with Michael Johnson's successes in the World Olympics.  She also was mesmerized by the athletes in the 1996 Olympics in Atlanta, Georgia. 

She told her father "I want to do that". 

Stuart Kantor wrote "A passion ensued, fueled by an innate desire to run faster than any girl lined up next to her". As a result of her ability to focus and work towards her dream, she graduated from high school with 8 state titles in track.

High school senior, Bryce Lamb, triple jumped farther than any high schooler in the nation.  He also set a state record in his home state. 

He began his track career at the age of five. "I quit the first practice," Lamb recalled. "It was too hard. I was walking to the car and I told my mom, 'I don't ever want to do this again.'  At the age of six, Bryce began training.

Bryce has set his goal to participate in the 2012 Olympics. "It's always been in my mind, and it's possible now," he said.

Stuart Kantor also wrote about a teenager, Bonnie Richardson, who lives in a small Texas town of less than 600 people.  Her school did not even have a track program.  Twice Bonnie has accomplished the unbelievable.  By herself, she has won two state team track championships in the state of Texas.

All of these teenagers show the importance of good mental fitness as expressed in their persistent motivation to excel in their athletic endeavors.  They courageously remained on target to reach their goals and avoided all distractions that would interfered with achieving their goals.  Undoubtedly, they overcame many obstacles in order to become successful.

We can learn a lot from these teenagers.  We can learn to set our dreams and courageously work toward achieving our dreams even when external circumstances are bleak, limiting and discouraging.

Remember, We Live within the Environment Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Energize Your Brain

A person with mental fitness recognizes the importance of energizing his or her brain.  Brain stimulation through cognitive exercises and training is one way to energize and develop a healthy brain.

Martha Kerr from Reuters reported on a study entitled " Exercise Improves Brain Flow and Older Adults".  In older individuals,

The researchers reported "exercise is associated with an increase in the number of large-diameter vessels in the cerebral region of the brain and with an increase in blood flow in the three major cerebral arteries".

Also the researchers noted "narrowing and loss of small vessels may contribute to cognitive decline. This area of the brain controls functions that include consciousness, memory, initiation of activity, emotional response, language and word associations".

The study included 12 healthy adults with no cognitive decline or psychiatric diagnoses.  The adults were between the ages of 60 to 80.  Six of the adults had exercise for over three hours a week for over a 10 year..  The other six adults had exercised less than one hour a week during the same time.

"Active subjects had more small blood vessels and greater cerebral blood flow than inactive individuals", reported the researcher from the University of North Carolina, Feraz Rahman.

"We also found that a loss of small vessels is not an issue in active adults, because the average vessel size increases and blood flow is positively correlated with radius. However, in inactive adults, the number of small vessels is an issue."

Rahman's group concluded: "An aerobic exercise program may be a vital part of healthy aging by preventing the narrowing and loss of small cerebral vessels and consequent decrease in cerebral blood flow."

If we want to be mentally and physically fit, it is important to stimulate our brains with regular physical and cognitive exercises.

Remember, We Will Live within the Mind Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

New Year's Quitting

Quitting New Year's resolutions is something you did not want to happen, but very likely has occurred or will occur.  Most people give up on their New Year's resolutions before the end of February.

Why does this happen?  It is not an accident that people quit!  At The Positivity Blog, there was a very interesting posting on "Do you make these 7 mistakes when trying to keep your New Year's resolutions"?

These seven mistakes are:

1. You really don't want it that much.
2. You can use homeostasis with "time to give up".
3. You don't know how to handle your bad days.
4. You're not changing your environment to suit you.
5. You don't have a realistic plan and expectations.
6. You're focusing on too many resolutions at once.
7. You let temporary failure or mistakes lead to giving up completely. 

Can you see yourself making these mistakes?  These mistakes are all reflective of a stronger motivational pattern.  This motivational pattern can best be summarized as "we wanted to quit".

No matter how desirable and worthwhile your New Year's resolution may be, there will be a very strong power inside of you that wants to quit.

We need to accept the normalcy of wanting to quit.   We need to not deny the reality of our wanting to quit doing the things that are good for us.  We need to confront our motivation for quitting.

The desire for quitting will take many forms, such as the seven mistakes listed above and probably many, many more.

Give yourself freedom to quit and then decide whether you want to quit or not.  The motive to quit will be as strong as the motive to actualize your New Year's resolutions.  Therefore, it is important to make a decision about quitting.

Remember You Live with Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Taking Care of Herself Crowded out Her Paranoia and Panic

I was pleasantly surprised when one of my clients informed me that she no longer had paranoia and panic.  I looked at her with disbelief.  Although I have known her very well, I had no idea she suffered from paranoia and panic.

She had made very significant improvements in her life.  She has been living one day at a time with a focus on taking care of herself.  I knew her depression had significantly lifted.  I knew her self-concept had significantly improved.  I knew she was coping effectively with the uncertainties in her life.

She has frequently verbalized how relaxed and confident she feels now that her mind is fit.  She has become empowered to make good choices.

I was surprised and stunned initially.  Then I realized her unexpected freedom from paranoia and panic was confirmation of the mental fitness theory.  This young woman have become stronger than her problems.  

She is living proof that mentally fit individuals overcome problems in their lives without having to focus on solving specific problems.

When people focus on taking care of themselves in the present, they avoid all types of problems and unwittingly solve many of their recognized problems.

Taking care of yourself will empower you to be stronger than your problems.

Remember, You Live within the Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach