North Star Mental Fitness Blog

MALE RULES

Male rules?  What are male rules? 

I found this article explaining male rules in a local newspaper dedicated to humor.  I found the rules to be humorous.  Then it hit me.  Some of these rules, if not most of the rules, probably are operating in the minds of men and create never-ending pain in relationship with women.

With a smile on my face, I hope you will enjoy MALE RULES, which are quoted as written in The Good Life..

Successful Teenagers

Michael Jordan was motivated to elevate his performance continually to higher levels.  I want to tell you about three teenagers, who also have had high aspirations and recently achieved great successes.  All three teenagers showed remarkable ability to focus and achieve their goals.

When Chalonda Goodman was six years old, she was enthralled with Michael Johnson's successes in the World Olympics.  She also was mesmerized by the athletes in the 1996 Olympics in Atlanta, Georgia. 

She told her father "I want to do that". 

Stuart Kantor wrote "A passion ensued, fueled by an innate desire to run faster than any girl lined up next to her". As a result of her ability to focus and work towards her dream, she graduated from high school with 8 state titles in track.

High school senior, Bryce Lamb, triple jumped farther than any high schooler in the nation.  He also set a state record in his home state. 

He began his track career at the age of five. "I quit the first practice," Lamb recalled. "It was too hard. I was walking to the car and I told my mom, 'I don't ever want to do this again.'  At the age of six, Bryce began training.

Bryce has set his goal to participate in the 2012 Olympics. "It's always been in my mind, and it's possible now," he said.

Stuart Kantor also wrote about a teenager, Bonnie Richardson, who lives in a small Texas town of less than 600 people.  Her school did not even have a track program.  Twice Bonnie has accomplished the unbelievable.  By herself, she has won two state team track championships in the state of Texas.

All of these teenagers show the importance of good mental fitness as expressed in their persistent motivation to excel in their athletic endeavors.  They courageously remained on target to reach their goals and avoided all distractions that would interfered with achieving their goals.  Undoubtedly, they overcame many obstacles in order to become successful.

We can learn a lot from these teenagers.  We can learn to set our dreams and courageously work toward achieving our dreams even when external circumstances are bleak, limiting and discouraging.

Remember, We Live within the Environment Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Energize Your Brain

A person with mental fitness recognizes the importance of energizing his or her brain.  Brain stimulation through cognitive exercises and training is one way to energize and develop a healthy brain.

Martha Kerr from Reuters reported on a study entitled " Exercise Improves Brain Flow and Older Adults".  In older individuals,

The researchers reported "exercise is associated with an increase in the number of large-diameter vessels in the cerebral region of the brain and with an increase in blood flow in the three major cerebral arteries".

Also the researchers noted "narrowing and loss of small vessels may contribute to cognitive decline. This area of the brain controls functions that include consciousness, memory, initiation of activity, emotional response, language and word associations".

The study included 12 healthy adults with no cognitive decline or psychiatric diagnoses.  The adults were between the ages of 60 to 80.  Six of the adults had exercise for over three hours a week for over a 10 year..  The other six adults had exercised less than one hour a week during the same time.

"Active subjects had more small blood vessels and greater cerebral blood flow than inactive individuals", reported the researcher from the University of North Carolina, Feraz Rahman.

"We also found that a loss of small vessels is not an issue in active adults, because the average vessel size increases and blood flow is positively correlated with radius. However, in inactive adults, the number of small vessels is an issue."

Rahman's group concluded: "An aerobic exercise program may be a vital part of healthy aging by preventing the narrowing and loss of small cerebral vessels and consequent decrease in cerebral blood flow."

If we want to be mentally and physically fit, it is important to stimulate our brains with regular physical and cognitive exercises.

Remember, We Will Live within the Mind Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

New Year's Quitting

Quitting New Year's resolutions is something you did not want to happen, but very likely has occurred or will occur.  Most people give up on their New Year's resolutions before the end of February.

Why does this happen?  It is not an accident that people quit!  At The Positivity Blog, there was a very interesting posting on "Do you make these 7 mistakes when trying to keep your New Year's resolutions"?

These seven mistakes are:

1. You really don't want it that much.
2. You can use homeostasis with "time to give up".
3. You don't know how to handle your bad days.
4. You're not changing your environment to suit you.
5. You don't have a realistic plan and expectations.
6. You're focusing on too many resolutions at once.
7. You let temporary failure or mistakes lead to giving up completely. 

Can you see yourself making these mistakes?  These mistakes are all reflective of a stronger motivational pattern.  This motivational pattern can best be summarized as "we wanted to quit".

No matter how desirable and worthwhile your New Year's resolution may be, there will be a very strong power inside of you that wants to quit.

We need to accept the normalcy of wanting to quit.   We need to not deny the reality of our wanting to quit doing the things that are good for us.  We need to confront our motivation for quitting.

The desire for quitting will take many forms, such as the seven mistakes listed above and probably many, many more.

Give yourself freedom to quit and then decide whether you want to quit or not.  The motive to quit will be as strong as the motive to actualize your New Year's resolutions.  Therefore, it is important to make a decision about quitting.

Remember You Live with Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Taking Care of Herself Crowded out Her Paranoia and Panic

I was pleasantly surprised when one of my clients informed me that she no longer had paranoia and panic.  I looked at her with disbelief.  Although I have known her very well, I had no idea she suffered from paranoia and panic.

She had made very significant improvements in her life.  She has been living one day at a time with a focus on taking care of herself.  I knew her depression had significantly lifted.  I knew her self-concept had significantly improved.  I knew she was coping effectively with the uncertainties in her life.

She has frequently verbalized how relaxed and confident she feels now that her mind is fit.  She has become empowered to make good choices.

I was surprised and stunned initially.  Then I realized her unexpected freedom from paranoia and panic was confirmation of the mental fitness theory.  This young woman have become stronger than her problems.  

She is living proof that mentally fit individuals overcome problems in their lives without having to focus on solving specific problems.

When people focus on taking care of themselves in the present, they avoid all types of problems and unwittingly solve many of their recognized problems.

Taking care of yourself will empower you to be stronger than your problems.

Remember, You Live within the Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

When "Yes, I Can" Becomes a Problem

My post about "Yes, I Can" emphasized how difficult is is to make this affirmation and how important this affirmation is for generating succcess.  The post "How Many Success Do You Need Before You Can Conclude Your Are Succcessful" stressed the importance of drawing the conclusion that we are succcessful after we have been succcessful.

Both of these posts extol the importance of having this successful motivation and identity. 

Did you know, "Yes, I Can" isn't always a good mind set?  Here is why. 

"Yes, I Can" has to be used judiciously.  It is very easy the say "Yes, I Can" and find yourself over-whemed with responsibilities, commitments, and obligations. 

How many times have you know better, and still failed to say "No".  Logically, you know you can  do it, so you take on more and more.  Before long your life is no longer yours.  You work and work.  Your quality of life begins to suffer and you feel the symptoms of burn-out. 

The force of "Yes, I Can"  needs to be controlled and limited by the motive and drive "Is This Best for Me".  Sometimes you need to say "No" emphatically to "Yes, I Can" and the relentless requests from others to do more.   Asking the question, "Is This Best for Me" can stop you from over extending yourself by assuming too many responsibilities and eventually living in the neighborhood of perpetual burrn-out.

 Remember, You Live Within the Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Yes, I Can

"Yes, I Can" is a wonderful affirmation.  This affirmation will program the mind for success in all areas of one's life.

I have been very surprised by the difficulties many clients have with making success generating affirmations. 

Play To Win; Not to Lose

The University of Michigan football team is undergoing a transition period.  There has been a coaching change.  Hopefully there will also be a change in motivation and psychology.

Lloyd Carr has a wonderful reputation as a coach.  He has been well-liked by his players, fellow coaches and most people he has met.  He has been a role model for running a football program with morals.

Unfortunately, Coach Carr appeared to motivate his team with the philosophy to not lose.  As a result the team game plans were entirely predictable, unimaginative and way too conservative.  His game plans built on the philosophy to not lose prevented his teams from beating teams who were motivated creatively and imaginatively to win.

Too often, people are like conservative coaches.  We play our lives not lose.  We do not play our lives to win!  We motivate ourselves to not make mistakes rather than taking the risk of going beyond our comfort zones.  We do not set goals for self-actualization, instead settling for its self-preservation.

Pleasing Others

Are you living within the environment created by pleasing others or are you living within the environment created by taking care of yourself?

Today I talked to a depressed man, who has centered his live around pleasing others.

Why was he depressed?

Reminiscing about Mental Fitness

He was reminiscing about what he had learned in 35 years of being a manager in an auto factory.  Also he has been married more than 35 years, has two grown children and two grandchildren.  During his life he has wrestled with anxiety and panic. 

In spite of his anxiety and panic, he was able to identify that he has "inner strength".  Adjusting and coping with problems on an everyday basis has made him a much stronger person.

He has learned how to successfully take care of himself, which is the object of mental fitness and mental health.  He reported that he has learned two very important things about taking care of himself.  He has learned that: