North Star Mental Fitness Blog

How Many Successes Do You Need Before You Can Conclude You Are Successful

Recently I talked to a middle-aged woman, who was asked to take a position in a large business.  In order to take this advancement, she had to go way beyond her comfort zone.  A hard-working woman with limited work experience, she openly questioned her ability to succeed.

Every day she did the best she could.  At first she was really overwhelmed, but she still applied herself.  She succeeded on a daily basis for over a year.  She was shocked, when she was asked to take a position with even more responsibility.

She once again agreed to take the new position and hoped that she could be successful.  She has now had two years of successes.  She has had over 730 days of successes.

I think she was shocked when I asked her if she considered herself to be successful.  I don't believe she had ever concluded that "I am a success".

Announcing the Mind Fitness Newsletter

For a long time I have been blogging.  In fact, I have made 350 posts.  I have enjoyed the new acquaintances I have made, including fellow bloggers with similar interests.  I have especially enjoyed and appreciated the comments made by readers of my blog.

As you may have noticed, the frequency of my posts has decreased.  I have been researching various ideas for increasing interpersonal interaction and communication between myself and the readers of this blog.  Blogging has been way too impersonal form me and I think for most of my readers.

I want to know my readers.  I want to know  your feelings, thoughts and goals.  I want to interact with you, my readers, while you are applying mental fitness concepts to improve the quality of your lives.  I want to know where you are stuck and where you are progressing.

I have chosen to start a newsletter by the name of "Mind Fitness".  I have some great ideas regarding how to make mental fitness more personal and interactive.  I'll also be asking you for your ideas.

You may have noticed on the upper right corner of my blog, there is a "Sign Me Up" place for you to click and become a recipient of the newsletter.  The newsletter will be free.  I hope you will sign up.  However, I hope you will only sign up if you want to interact and feel empowered in applying mental fitness in your life.

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

She DIdn't Quit

I LIVE WITHIN THE ENVIRONMENT CREATED BY MY CHOICES has been validated.  Two years ago, she was devastated by the sudden death of her husband.  They had been through difficult times in their lives together.  At the time of his untimely death, an environment of calmness and love flourished between them.

I told her story in After Death Do Us Part.  Now let me tell you the rest of her story.  Her husband had a horrible accident, resulting in a broken neck.  He no longer was able to work and his quality of his life declined tremendously.  At that time, she was employed in the job with no future of advancement.  In addition, her job was not allowing her to achieve her dreams and utilize her talents.

Much to the surprise and disappointment of her husband, she quit her job.  He withdrew from her angrily, because there was no money being made by them.  She still pursued her dream in spite of the coldness and lack of support from her husband. 

She pursued her dream by entering school, graduating and becoming an exceptional teacher.  At the time of her husband's death, he had let go of his resentments towards her for pursuing her dream, when his dreams had ended.  She had accomplished her dream to be a teacher, when he died.

Life was good for them.  They were sharing their goals and were emotionally connected, when he suddenly died.  She was emotionally devastated, alone.  She felt cheated.  Although she momentarily felt like quitting, she did not quit!

She continued with her education and achieved an advanced degree.  She has received accolades for her teaching.  She is now launching her new career as a school administrator.  She is selling her home and moving.  She has remained focused on her dreams in spite of the problems she has with her sons.  She has learned to detach from rescuing her sons.

Today, this woman realizes the powerfulness of her choices.  She clearly sees how her choices are creating the environment she desires.  She understands that her happiness, peace of mind, freedom and control over her life has been generated by her choice making and not by external circumstances.

She has had the courage to make difficult decisions during the course of caring for herself.  She has remained focused, even though her heart was broken by the death of her husband and the unproductive ways of her children. 

No matter how bad her circumstances have been, she has remained focused on pursuing and living her dreams.

Remember, You, Too, Live within the Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Pain Is a Welcomed Signal

How do you interpret your pain?  Pain can be experienced physically, emotionally, psychologically, interpersonally or financially.

Most people trying to avoid pain.  Pain is perceived to be bad and to be avoided at all cost.  We wish that we could live a pain free life.  That is not realistic.

Pain is like a good friend.  A good friend will tell you when you're doing something wrong and need to make some changes in your life.

Also pain is a signal.  How is pain a signal?

Brain Research Shows Why It's so Hard to Get Free from the Past

In sports, family life and in areas of self-actualization, we want to become free from our painful and embarrassing past failures, shortcomings and psychic representations of these events in our minds.

Wouldn't it be nice if we did not have psychic representations of bad and painful experiences in our minds?

Wouldn't it be nice if we never rehashed our errors and disappointments?

Wouldn't it be nice if our past failures, insecurities, fears and guilt didn't capture our minds and influence us in the future?

Now psychological researchers have shown as reported in Science Daily:

Dale Carnegie on Happiness

Happiness- where do you find your happiness?

Dale Carnegie wrote:

"It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are,

or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy,

it is what you think about".

People always have choices in their pursuit of happiness.  The most powerful choices in the pursuit of happiness are mental.

How you think about the possessions, people and places in your life will determine happiness or unhappiness.

How you think will determine how you feel!

Remember, You Live within the Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Game Day Urgency

"I don't care what your business is-- whether you're running a company or a classroom or a Boy Scout troop: You need to find a way to instill GAME DAY URGENCY IN EVERYTHING YOU DO.

Because without it, every day is just like every other day, everyone looses interest and then they lose focus.  It kills morale, productivity, quality-- you name it, boredom kills it.  And then they're not getting anything worthwhile done."

This quotation from Bo Schembechler was found in Bo Schembechler and John U. Bacon's book, "Bo's Lasting Lessons".   Everything the University of Michigan football team did throughout the year was focusing on the 11 football games.  GAME DAY URGENCY was more than having urgency at the time of the game.  GAME DAY URGENCY was experienced every day throughout the year in preparation for the games.

As I read about this topic, I realized that we also need to find a way to instill SELF-ACTUALIZATION URGENCY IN EVERYTHING WE DO.

Toxic Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a wonderful virtue.  As indicated in my previous blog, Forgiveness Is a Choice, there can be health and psychological benefits from forgiving people whose behavior has been harmful or disrespecting.  We have choices to feel angry or hurt.  We also can make the choice to forgive.

Forgiveness also can be very toxic to one's health.  Forgiveness becomes toxic, when forgiveness is part of a dysfunctional relationship.  Forgiveness becomes toxic, when forgiveness prevents or replaces constructive action to improve the quality of one's life.  Sometimes it feels safer to forgive someone rather than to confront another person or drastically change one's life.

Let me explain the importance of feeling angry and hurt.

Forgiveness Is a Choice

When your focus is on taking care of yourself, you'll have real choices to feel angry and hurt or you can make the choice to forgive.  It is important for you to determine in he specific situations whether it's best for you to remain angry and hurt or to forgive.

There are benefits that derive from being angry and hurt just like there are benefits that derive from forgiving.

I read an article from Newswise entitled "Learning to Forgive May Improve Well-Being".  This article appeared in Mayo Clinic Women's Health Source. 

Newswise wrote "Holding a grudge appears to affect the cardiovascular and nervous systems".  Other research findings were also reported.

The Five Second Program for Breaking Bad Habits!

The Turn Around Choice from The North Star Mental Fitness Program Is a Five Second Program for Breaking Bad Habits!

Yes, you read the statement right.  You can break bad habits, if you are willing to take five seconds out of your day when needed to break your bad habit!

Impossible you might think, but from my personal experience I know it works.  This simplistic and easy, but still unbelievably effective works, because of the unique understanding of how to break bad habits.

Here is the secret.