North Star Mental Fitness Blog

Does Your Child Have an Empty Heart?

Read about Empty Heart, if you are a parent who acts as if your children don't feel.  Please read about Empty Heart, if you have purposely, inappropriately or unwittingly rejected or unnecessarily been angry towards your children.

18 Mother's Day Quotes

Happy Mothers Day!

For those of you

• who are without your mother today 
• emjoying your mother 
• being a mother or
• beconing a mother
  
  
  Let us remember our mothers and the importance of mothers!

Please Enjoy these "Mother" Quotations

 

A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials, heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine, desert us when troubles thicken around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts. -- Washington Irving (1783-1859)

"The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness." -- Honore' de Balzac (1799-1850)

"My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute all my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her." -- George Washington (1732-1799)

All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel Mother." -- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

"I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life." -- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

"God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers." -- Jewish proverb

"The mother's heart is the child's schoolroom." -- Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1887)

"Youth fades; love droops, the leaves of friendship fall; A mother's secret hope outlives them all." -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)

Most mothers are instinctive philosophers. Harriet Beecher Stowe

Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible. Marion C. Garretty

Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever. Unknown

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. Peter De Vries

A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. Tenneva Jordan

If the whole world were put into one scale, and my mother in the other, the whole world would kick the beam. Lord Langdale aka Henry Bickersteth)

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.  She never existed before.  The woman existed, but the mother, never.  A mother is something absolutely new.  Rajneesh

Mother - that was the bank where we deposited all our hurts and worries. T. DeWitt Talmage

A mother understands what a child does not say. Unknown

Thank You Mothers.

We Live Within the Worlds and Mindsets Created by Our Mothers!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

 

How Important Are Grandparents?

From a sociological perspective, more and more grandparents are spending their golden years taking care of their grandchildren.  In many societies, grand parenting is a vital part of the family structure.  In our highly mobile society, grandparents are not involved within the family structure.  In our highly disposable society, grandparents may also become disposable.

At least, sometimes, grandparents feel as if there is an expiration date on their relationship with their grandchildren.  Grandparents may feel insecure in their place within the family structure.  They may question their importance.  Some grandparents are fearful of over-extending their boundaries and fearful of self-actualizing in their role as a grandparent.

In the last few weeks, I've been talking to a man who has been extremely concerned about his grandson.  This grandfather had  bonded with his grandson and now does not have any contact with his grandson.  This grandfather made a very difficult decision.  His daughter was abusing drugs.  He confronted his daughter.  Since she was resistant to entering substance abuse treatment, he asked her to leave his home.  She took her son and has refused any contact between her son and the grandfather.  

I have also been talking to a man who has been a wife's nightmare.  He has been a serial cheater.  Analysis of his childhood indicated that he was always fearful of his mother removing him from his grandmother.  He perceived his grandmother as loving him.  He became fearful of forming close relationships.  His wife became like his grandmother.  He knew his wife loved him.  Whenever there was potential conflict, he ran away from his wife into another relationship.

As I thought about these two men, I began thinking about the importance of grand parenting.  Grand parenting can provide psychological security, love, values and stability for grandchildren.  Grand parenting can definitely assist parents in raising their children.

I ask you, how important is grand parenting in your family?  Is it important for you to have grandparents play a crucial role in raising your children?  It is important for your  children's grandparents to feel secure, spontaneous and free to be themselves with your children?

Remember, We Live WIthin the Families Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Mother and Grandmother Issues

Relationships are often times very difficult.  At tiesm relationships between mothers and grandmothers are especially difficult.  I am quite sure that the relationships between mothers and grandmothers can be associated with tremendous emotional pain for both the mothers and grandmothers.

Announcing the Mind Fitness Newsletter

For a long time I have been blogging.  In fact, I have made 350 posts.  I have enjoyed the new acquaintances I have made, including fellow bloggers with similar interests.  I have especially enjoyed and appreciated the comments made by readers of my blog.

As you may have noticed, the frequency of my posts has decreased.  I have been researching various ideas for increasing interpersonal interaction and communication between myself and the readers of this blog.  Blogging has been way too impersonal form me and I think for most of my readers.

I want to know my readers.  I want to know  your feelings, thoughts and goals.  I want to interact with you, my readers, while you are applying mental fitness concepts to improve the quality of your lives.  I want to know where you are stuck and where you are progressing.

I have chosen to start a newsletter by the name of "Mind Fitness".  I have some great ideas regarding how to make mental fitness more personal and interactive.  I'll also be asking you for your ideas.

You may have noticed on the upper right corner of my blog, there is a "Sign Me Up" place for you to click and become a recipient of the newsletter.  The newsletter will be free.  I hope you will sign up.  However, I hope you will only sign up if you want to interact and feel empowered in applying mental fitness in your life.

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

What You See and Hear Is Wired By Experience

Research in brain neuroplasticity is destroying the simplicity of my understanding of our brains, senses and perceptions of reality.

Before I began reading about brain neuroplasticity, my understanding of the brain and senses was unsophisticated, logical and supported by traditional knowledge.

I am wrongly believed that my eyes communicated to my brain what was in my eye's view.  Likewise, I was again wrong in believing that what was my ears heard was heard by everybody the same way as long as their ears were functioning well.  I thought what I heard was accurately sent through my ears to the brain.

New research has shown that what we see, hear or sense is determined by past sensory experience.  In other words, what we see is determined by past visual experience and what we hear is determined by past auditory experience.

Jeffrey M. Schwartz, M.D. and Sharon Begley reported some very exciting research in their book, The Mind and the Brain, Neuroplasticity and the Power of Mental Force.

This research is very important for parents.

Patricia Kuhl, is a leading authority in speech development.  Patricia studied Canadian babies raised in English-speaking homes.   

"Six-month-old babies could distinguish Hindi speech sounds even though the sounds were not part of their auditory world; by twelve months they could not.

Between six and 12 months, Kuhl concludes, the babies' brains began the "use it or lose it" process of pruning unused synapses.  The auditory cortex loses its sensitivity to phonemes that it has not heard everyday.  This may be why children who do not learn a second language before puberty rarely learn to speak like natives.

The reverse is true, too: connections that are used become stronger, even permanent elements of the neural circuitry.

Everything a newborn sees, hears, feels, tastes, and smells has the potential to shape the nascent circuits of their brain.  The brain is literally wired by experience, with sights, sounds, feelings, and thoughts leaving a sort of neural trace on circuits of the cortex so that future sights, sounds, feelings, thoughts and other inputs and mental activity are experienced differently than they would have otherwise be."

This research validates the importance of parents talking, reading and stimulating their children at an early age in order to enrich their children's brain activity.  The research suggests that the absence or poor quality of sensory stimulation for children, may have very damaging effects on their children's senses and brains.  Likewise, enriched sensory experience for children will create senses and brains with greater sensory acuity and efficiency. 

To a certain degree children live with the brains stimulated by life experiences provided by their parents.  Children's brains and sensors are not just genetically determined.

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Relationship Make-Overs

Relationship Make-Overs available here:  Are you interested in a relationship make-over?

Has your relationship grown old and boring?  Are you no longer feeling excitement and emotionally important?  Have the problems and responsibilities of life exhausted your relationship?  Has intimacy and love withered?  Do your problems seem over-whelming?

If you are committed to a relationship which has lost its brilliance, you need a relationship make-over! 

Are you committed to your relationship, but don't know how to rekindle your passion?

A relationship make-over will refresh or reawaken love.  One major way to make-over your relationship is to identify your relationship values and start communicating these values.  Often times, the problems in life drain us of energy.  Emotions get turned off or emotionally escalate out of control.  When emotions are dying or flaring destructively, communicating values can provide security and rekindle love. 

I found a website nameed Love Quotes and Quotations.  There were two quotations which are relevant to yesterday and today's blog.  These quotes are:

"One word frees us of all the weight and pain in life. That word is Love."
~Sophocles~

"There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved."
~George Sand~

Remember, You Live Within the Environment Created by Your Love Choices!

For more information on identifying and communicating values to repair and strengthen relationships, Dr. Hal Sommerschield, a Clinical Psychologist for over 30 years, has written The Relationship Choice.  Dr. Hal has written about 15 different strategies to create mental fitness, which strategies can be used to give your relationship a make-over.  He coaches individual coaching clients and teaches professionals how to use this strategies with their clients.   

Old Soil and New Seeds

Age is not a relevant issue, when it comes to mental fitness.  People of all ages can be mentally fit.  People of all ages can make changes in their lives.  People of all ages can give birth to new awareness and self-fulfillment.

Gardeners know when they plant new seeds in old soil, new life will appear and flourish. 

Frequently, I've seen very smart women return to school after raising their children.  In spite of their anxieties and self-doubts, they have done exceptionally well in obtaining their degrees.

We all know some people retire, grow older and wither away.  In contrast, some older people plant new seeds in their lives and their lives blossom emotionally, spiritually, and financially.  All aspects of their lives flourish.

When I began this blog, I had planned on encouraging older people to plant new seeds in their lives.  Also I wanted to encourage younger people to realize that older people have a lot to offer.  Especially when members of the older generations plant productive, new seeds in their lives.

Before finishing this blog, I realized that old soil exists in many different areas of human experience.  I saw a blended family with years of old soil in their relationships.  The stepmother felt she had failed as a mother, whenever the children had problems.

The stepmother loved her children, but one of the stepchildren was distant and an unresponsive to the stepmother's love. Love and acceptance had stagnated.

I checked with the various family members and they were willing to plant new seeds into their old soil.  We planted two seeds.  The first seed was a willingness to accept love and express love.  The second seed was a willingness to feel accepted and accept other family members.

The stepmother was fearful and wanted to see results, before feeling better.  Her comments provided me with the opportunity to remind them that it takes time for growth after a seed is planted.  Then we talked about nurturing and growing the new seeds.

Later, I also thought of another couple with old soil in their marriage.  They have concluded that they have tried everything to make their marriage better and hence were full of despair.  With hope, I realized their need to plant new seeds and nurture the seeds for a better relationship.  They too needed the seeds of love and acceptance. 

Planting seeds with patience will grow enriched lives and blossoming relationships; even where there has been old soil with flowers choked by weeds. 

Where there is old soil in your life, please plant new seeds.

Remember, You Live within the Environment Created by Your Choices.

Dr. Hal

Life in Mental Fitness Coach

Moses Baskets

Moses baskets are the answer for parents, who want their infant to have physical closeness at all times.  Physical and emotional closeness is the essence of the parent and child bond.

From a mental fitness perspective, focusing and enhancing the parental relationship with your child is very fulfilling and satisfying.  In addition, an infant will benefit from the physical closeness with the parents.  Your infant will feel more secure/

Are you interested in knowing more about the Moses baskets?

I highly recommend Hoohobbers for safe, high quality Moses baskets.  Their baskets are made out of 100% cotton designer material.  They are over-sized baskets that come with a full size receiving blanket.  There are over 35 designs available from traditional to modern collections.  The linens are duvet style to allow easy laundering.  Hoohobbers' makes their products in America and have been manufacturing for over 25 years.

I am strongly recommending the Moses baskets from Hoohobbers because it provides physical closeness as well as emotional and verbal stimulation for your child.  All of these are very important for the healthy development of your child.

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Children Live Within the Enviroments Created by Their Parents.

Have you given much thought to the environments where your children are living?  Your answer, obviously would be, "of course."  Parents sacrifice so they can raise their children in nice houses in safe neighborhoods, with good schools, cultural opportunities, and leisure activities.

Is that enough?

Providing for your child's physical, cultural and recreational needs is necessary and important.  When you do the best you can and provide safe housing with opportunities for your children, take a deep breath and feel satisfied with what you have done.

Remember, from a mental fitness perspective, it is important to focus and act to create the environments you want for your children.  Today I would like to reflect on the environments, which you create for your children.

Parents create many environments for their children. These environments mold and shape our children.  Unfortunately, we often do not think very much about these environments.  We, sometimes, forget that how we think, express our feelings, resolve conflicts, manage our affairs, relate, and live our everyday lives create learning environments for our children. 

We all know children can learn what we take time to teach them.  What we sometimes forget is that children learn by imitating and identifying with us, not just by what we say.  Children will imitate and can learn our quirks as well as our outstanding features.  Children will identify with us and try to be exactly like us.

Also, children learn intentionally and incidentally.  Children probably learn more incidentally than intentionally. 

Often, we don't think about the effect of our usual life style on our children.  We forget:

• If our house is cluttered, our children are living in clutter and learning "it is right" to create cluttered environments. 
• If our house is overly clean and structured, our children may be living in a too sterile environment and learning "it is right" to create similar environments. 
• If we don't have expectations and structure for our children, they are living and learning "it is right" to create environments without expectations and structure.

These are just a few examples.  There are way too many examples to be exhaustive, here.

My mental fitness tip for today is:  Focus on what your children are learning incidentally.  Focus and act to create the environment you want your children to live in and create as "normal for them".

Remember, You Also Live in the Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach