North Star Mental Fitness Blog

The Real Battle Is Inside the Mind

I read a wonderful article on Mental Fitness by Mark Salinas.  I urge you to read this article as it is loaded with mental fitness tips.

Mark wrote "athletes know their real battle is not so much on the field or track, but inside their mind". 

This quotation reminds me of a talk I had with a very skilled archer.  For 10 years, he could not get past shooting 90%.  Shooting 9 out of 10 arrows successfully sounded great to me, but not for a professional archer.  Only after studying mental fitness and sports psychology was he able to improve his shooting.

As I read what Mark wrote, I quickly realized that people's problems with their spouses, children, parents, employers or employees are not due to the other individual.  We like to blame other people and wish that they would change.  Professional athletes and athletes in the stadiums of human experience, know that the battle is inside their mind.  We must learn how to change how we think about the important people in our lives in order to change our feelings and reduce our conflicts.

From a mental fitness perspective, you can change your feelings by changing your thinking; not by trying to change the other person.  The other person does not have to make significant changes in order for us to change our feelings.  Your mental fitness can never be dependent on someone else.  Your mental fitness depends on your thinking and mind conditioning. 

Mark put it this way "it is a must that you manage your mental state".

Your thinking for victorious living depends on training your mind to be fit and tough.  This is why I became a Life and Mental Fitness Coach.

Remember, You Live within the Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

She DIdn't Quit

I LIVE WITHIN THE ENVIRONMENT CREATED BY MY CHOICES has been validated.  Two years ago, she was devastated by the sudden death of her husband.  They had been through difficult times in their lives together.  At the time of his untimely death, an environment of calmness and love flourished between them.

I told her story in After Death Do Us Part.  Now let me tell you the rest of her story.  Her husband had a horrible accident, resulting in a broken neck.  He no longer was able to work and his quality of his life declined tremendously.  At that time, she was employed in the job with no future of advancement.  In addition, her job was not allowing her to achieve her dreams and utilize her talents.

Much to the surprise and disappointment of her husband, she quit her job.  He withdrew from her angrily, because there was no money being made by them.  She still pursued her dream in spite of the coldness and lack of support from her husband. 

She pursued her dream by entering school, graduating and becoming an exceptional teacher.  At the time of her husband's death, he had let go of his resentments towards her for pursuing her dream, when his dreams had ended.  She had accomplished her dream to be a teacher, when he died.

Life was good for them.  They were sharing their goals and were emotionally connected, when he suddenly died.  She was emotionally devastated, alone.  She felt cheated.  Although she momentarily felt like quitting, she did not quit!

She continued with her education and achieved an advanced degree.  She has received accolades for her teaching.  She is now launching her new career as a school administrator.  She is selling her home and moving.  She has remained focused on her dreams in spite of the problems she has with her sons.  She has learned to detach from rescuing her sons.

Today, this woman realizes the powerfulness of her choices.  She clearly sees how her choices are creating the environment she desires.  She understands that her happiness, peace of mind, freedom and control over her life has been generated by her choice making and not by external circumstances.

She has had the courage to make difficult decisions during the course of caring for herself.  She has remained focused, even though her heart was broken by the death of her husband and the unproductive ways of her children. 

No matter how bad her circumstances have been, she has remained focused on pursuing and living her dreams.

Remember, You, Too, Live within the Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Play To Win; Not to Lose

The University of Michigan football team is undergoing a transition period.  There has been a coaching change.  Hopefully there will also be a change in motivation and psychology.

Lloyd Carr has a wonderful reputation as a coach.  He has been well-liked by his players, fellow coaches and most people he has met.  He has been a role model for running a football program with morals.

Unfortunately, Coach Carr appeared to motivate his team with the philosophy to not lose.  As a result the team game plans were entirely predictable, unimaginative and way too conservative.  His game plans built on the philosophy to not lose prevented his teams from beating teams who were motivated creatively and imaginatively to win.

Too often, people are like conservative coaches.  We play our lives not lose.  We do not play our lives to win!  We motivate ourselves to not make mistakes rather than taking the risk of going beyond our comfort zones.  We do not set goals for self-actualization, instead settling for its self-preservation.

Concentration

Concentrated attention is not only necessary to become successful, but also is necessary to change our minds and brains.

It is not unusual for clients to become discouraged, after experiencing the glitter of hope.  They begin to see clearly how they can change their behavior and reach their goals, but fail to engage in concentrated attention to reach their goals.  A lack of concentrated attention results in discouragement and failure.

"champions know sustained concentration of thought and action is usually the true key to their success.

While aver­age people haphazardly pursue loosely dened goals, champions concentrate on the attainment of a singular purpose with an intensity that borders on obsession.

These quotations are from Steve Siebold, author of "177 Mental Toughness Secrets Of the World-Class".

What You See and Hear Is Wired By Experience

Research in brain neuroplasticity is destroying the simplicity of my understanding of our brains, senses and perceptions of reality.

Before I began reading about brain neuroplasticity, my understanding of the brain and senses was unsophisticated, logical and supported by traditional knowledge.

I am wrongly believed that my eyes communicated to my brain what was in my eye's view.  Likewise, I was again wrong in believing that what was my ears heard was heard by everybody the same way as long as their ears were functioning well.  I thought what I heard was accurately sent through my ears to the brain.

New research has shown that what we see, hear or sense is determined by past sensory experience.  In other words, what we see is determined by past visual experience and what we hear is determined by past auditory experience.

Jeffrey M. Schwartz, M.D. and Sharon Begley reported some very exciting research in their book, The Mind and the Brain, Neuroplasticity and the Power of Mental Force.

This research is very important for parents.

Boren Divorces Michigan Football Team

Divorces and blending family issues occur in sports as well in families.  Lloyd Carr resigned as coach of the U of Michigan football team and most of his coaches were not rehired.  Some players including potential stars left the team.  Justin Boren and his team remained with their mother, the U of Michigan.

Problems really started brewing when the new step-father, Rich Rodriquez divorced West Virginia to take over the leadership role at U of M.  Even now, Coach Rod is still in the middle of a very messy divorce from West Virginia with the unfortunate allegations and legal entanglements common in divorce. 

The mother or U of M football hired Coach Rod to change the culture and family values at the U of M.  Too many losses to Ohio State, underdogs liked Appalachian State, spread offenses and bowl games.  Like so many sons and daughters in families of divorce, Justin Boren and some of his teammates did not like the new father figure changing the family dynamics and culture.  Coach Rod has become the "evil step-father" pushing the mother's "lax children" to greater achievement through hard work, strict rules and new expectations.

Justin like many children in divorce has verbally acted-out and ran away from home.   

The Brain and Why We Love Babies

"Why do we love babies?  Parental Instinct Region Found in the Brain" was the intriguing name of an article In Science Daily.

Now there is some basis from brain research explaining why adults have a parental instinct.

Researchers Morten Kringelbach and Alan Stein from the University of Oxford showed:

"A region of the human brain called the medial orbitofrontal cortex is highly specifically active within a seventh of a second in response to (unfamiliar) infant faces but not to adult faces.

Block Your Critics

Block Your Critics!  This is the advice from Bo Schembechler, the legendary coach of the University of Michigan Wolverines.  "Ignore your critics" is a chapter in Bo Schembechler and John U. Bacon's book, "Bo's Lasting Lessons".

Bo quoted Fritz Crisler regarding his advice for coping with critics:

"If you're winning, you don't need them.  And if you're losing, they can't help you."

Bo Schembechler prepared for 101,001 critics every Saturday and millions more on TV.  You may not have that many critics in your life.  However, one or two critics, who are very significant to you, can be as overwhelming as 101,000 critics on a football weekend.

How do you block out a critic?  How do you block out a critic, who might be a husband, wife, parent, child, employer or fellow employee?

How Husbands Can Win

One of the purposes of this blog site is to apply sport psychology in the stadium of human experience outside of sports.  Sport psychology as written about in "Bo's Lasting Lessons, The Legendary Coach Teaches the Timeless Fundamentals of Leadership".

As I read chapter 19, "Listen Before You Lead"  I realized what Bo said really applied to being a husband.   

But first Bo wrote about his image, which certainly is seemingly not conducive to being a good husband.    

"Look, I m fully aware that my public image is--how can I put this?--that of a cantankerous guy who rants up and down the sidelines screaming at people and smashing headsets.  But that is what you saw on Saturday--although that is pretty much how I acted at practice during the week, too.   But what you didn't see was how we talked to each other during the week."

I am not suggesting that husbands rant and rave to their wives and children, so they can be like Bo.  Too many husbands already act like Bo in this regard.  They rant up and down the sidelines in their homes. Unfortunately, ranting husbands fail to understand the importance of liking their wives and children.  They do not listen.

Here is what Bo had to say to husbands.

Forgiveness Is a Choice

When your focus is on taking care of yourself, you'll have real choices to feel angry and hurt or you can make the choice to forgive.  It is important for you to determine in he specific situations whether it's best for you to remain angry and hurt or to forgive.

There are benefits that derive from being angry and hurt just like there are benefits that derive from forgiving.

I read an article from Newswise entitled "Learning to Forgive May Improve Well-Being".  This article appeared in Mayo Clinic Women's Health Source. 

Newswise wrote "Holding a grudge appears to affect the cardiovascular and nervous systems".  Other research findings were also reported.