North Star Mental Fitness Blog

Action: Knowledge, Expectation, Acceptance and Recognition with out Action Fails

Oftentimes, our cars need gas at the most inconvenient times.  It does not matter where you are going or why.  When your car is empty or approaches emptiness, there is a sense of urgency that takes priority over all of your plans and goals.  You must find a gas station.

Have you noticed that you or your significant other, oftentimes, are empty or approach emptiness at the most inconvenient times?

Have you ever wondered why we did not have the same sense of urgency to satisfy our or our significant other's wants and needs?  Probably our significant others would not know what to do, if we put on hold our important plans in order to be sensitive to the wants and needs of our spouses and children.

We must act to self-actualize ourselves by pursuing our wants and needs and goals.

We also must become sensitive and responsive to our significant other's wants, needs and goals, whenever they are empty or approach emptiness.

Knowing our significant others have wants and needs is not enough for having good relationships. 

Expecting, accepting and recognizing, on a daily basis, our significant others are empty or signaling emptiness is not enough for having satisfying and sensitive relationships.

Action is necessary but what kind of action?

1.  Listening and by listening you communicate that your significant others are important and you trust their ability to manage their lives.

2. Communicating your nurturing feelings and values regarding your significant others.

3.  Keeping promises.

4. Independently and consistently assuming responsibilities and chores necessary for your relationship to survive.

5. Paying attention without making judgments and demeaning comments.

Remember, it is normal for you and your significant others to become empty at the most inconvenient times. I hope that this series will help you become more responsive to your wants and needs and the wants and needs of your significant others.

Remember, You Will Live within the Relationships Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

The other posts in regard to emptiness and signals of emptiness are:

1. If You Can Drive a Car, You Can Have Satisfying and Sensitive Relationships!
2. Knowledge: Do You Really Know?
3. Expectations: What Do You Expect?
4. Expectations: What to Expect in Your Relationships?
5. Identify Signals; Not Problems; Not Symptoms!
6. Acceptance: Can You Really Accept?
7. Recognition: Expectation and Acceptance without Recognition Fails

Recognition: Expectation and Acceptance Without Recognition Fails

Divorce is inevitable, when people do not expect, identify, accept and recognize emptiness and signals of emptiness in themselves or their partners.  Dysfunctional relationships are also the results of people's failure to understand emptiness and signals of emptiness.

You may expect and accept your car to approach empty on a regular basis.  However, if you fail to recognize the message given to you by the gas gage, you are destined to sit at the side of the road.  Failure to recognize signals of emptiness and emptiness is the prescription for prolonged emptiness and eventual failure. 

With cars, it is easy to recognize the signal, because we only have one place to look in order to find the signal.  Since humans have enumerable signals of emptiness, it is more difficult to recognize your significant other's signals.

Sometimes the signals will be thoughts (I think our relationship sucks) or feelings (you don't love me anymore).  Sometimes the signals will be seen in behavior (dirty looks or slamming doors) or in your relationship (arguing and avoiding each other).  Sometimes the signals of emptiness will be seen in activities (affairs, irresponsible spending and engaging in self-defeating behaviors).

It is necessary to recognize signals of emptiness when they occur.  It is important to interpret and understand our partner's signals of emptiness are not weaknesses, criticisms or attempts to control us. 

It is very important for us to recognize when our partners have wants, needs or desires to fulfill themselves.  If we want satisfying and satisfactory interpersonal relationships with our significant others, it is important to recognize their individuality without feeling rejected or ignored.

By accepting and recognizing your significant other's signals of emptiness as only signals of emptiness, you can have an inner peace in stead of emotional pain and your significant others will realize that you are there for them.

Live in the now! Let us recognize when we are empty and our significant others are empty.  If we do not recognize emptiness and signals of emptiness in ourselves and our significant others, we are destined to have dysfunctional relationships, emotional detachment and divorce.

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

The other posts in regard to emptiness and signals of emptiness are:

1. If You Can Drive a Car, You Can Have Satisfying and Sensitive Relationships!
2. Knowledge: Do You Really Know?
3. Expectations: What Do You Expect?
4. Expectations: What to Expect in Your Relationships?
5. Identify Signals; Not Problems; Not Symptoms!
6. Acceptance: Can You Really Accept?

Acceptance: Can You Really Accept?

Can you accept what you don't like in your husband or wife?  Are you willing to accept what you don't like instead of expecting your spouse to change?

Oftentimes, what we don't like in our relationships or our partners are signals of emptiness! 

Most of time we wish that we would not have to deal with the disgusting, frightening and obnoxious signals of emptiness in our spouses or ourselves.  We expect

Identify Signals; Not Problems; Not Symptoms!

Identify signals is the fifth blog in the series, If You Can Drive a Car, You Can Have Satisfying and Sensitive Relationships.  So far we have established

Expectations: What Do You Expect?

If you know how to drive a car, you have all of the psychological tools to have a refreshed self-concept and empowered, satisfying and sensitive relationships.  This statement may sound like an over-statement, but it is true.

Knowledge! Do You Really Know?

If you can drive a car, you have the ability to have a good self-concept and form satisfying and sensitive relationships!

We automatically goes through many psychological processes effortlessly when it comes to understanding the importance of fuel and reading signals when it comes to driving a car.  It may surprise you how many psychological processes we successfully apply in interpreting what our car's need.

Relationship First Aid

Here are four ways you can improve your relationships.  The first three ideas were written in a post "Managing Your Mind: Relationship Part Two.  I have also added the fourth idea. 

1.  "Work on changing yourself, not on changing others". 

2.  "Changes take time.  When you change the way in which you relate to others, they may resist that change and do things to make you change back."

3.  "Work with people as they are" and

4.  "Focus on creating the type of relationships you want rather than reacting and escalating conflicts.

Applying these four ideas in your relationships can significantly reduce conflicts and painful feelings. 

Remember, You Live within Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

The Real Battle Is Inside the Mind

I read a wonderful article on Mental Fitness by Mark Salinas.  I urge you to read this article as it is loaded with mental fitness tips.

Mark wrote "athletes know their real battle is not so much on the field or track, but inside their mind". 

This quotation reminds me of a talk I had with a very skilled archer.  For 10 years, he could not get past shooting 90%.  Shooting 9 out of 10 arrows successfully sounded great to me, but not for a professional archer.  Only after studying mental fitness and sports psychology was he able to improve his shooting.

As I read what Mark wrote, I quickly realized that people's problems with their spouses, children, parents, employers or employees are not due to the other individual.  We like to blame other people and wish that they would change.  Professional athletes and athletes in the stadiums of human experience, know that the battle is inside their mind.  We must learn how to change how we think about the important people in our lives in order to change our feelings and reduce our conflicts.

From a mental fitness perspective, you can change your feelings by changing your thinking; not by trying to change the other person.  The other person does not have to make significant changes in order for us to change our feelings.  Your mental fitness can never be dependent on someone else.  Your mental fitness depends on your thinking and mind conditioning. 

Mark put it this way "it is a must that you manage your mental state".

Your thinking for victorious living depends on training your mind to be fit and tough.  This is why I became a Life and Mental Fitness Coach.

Remember, You Live within the Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Announcing the Mind Fitness Newsletter

For a long time I have been blogging.  In fact, I have made 350 posts.  I have enjoyed the new acquaintances I have made, including fellow bloggers with similar interests.  I have especially enjoyed and appreciated the comments made by readers of my blog.

As you may have noticed, the frequency of my posts has decreased.  I have been researching various ideas for increasing interpersonal interaction and communication between myself and the readers of this blog.  Blogging has been way too impersonal form me and I think for most of my readers.

I want to know my readers.  I want to know  your feelings, thoughts and goals.  I want to interact with you, my readers, while you are applying mental fitness concepts to improve the quality of your lives.  I want to know where you are stuck and where you are progressing.

I have chosen to start a newsletter by the name of "Mind Fitness".  I have some great ideas regarding how to make mental fitness more personal and interactive.  I'll also be asking you for your ideas.

You may have noticed on the upper right corner of my blog, there is a "Sign Me Up" place for you to click and become a recipient of the newsletter.  The newsletter will be free.  I hope you will sign up.  However, I hope you will only sign up if you want to interact and feel empowered in applying mental fitness in your life.

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Boren Divorces Michigan Football Team

Divorces and blending family issues occur in sports as well in families.  Lloyd Carr resigned as coach of the U of Michigan football team and most of his coaches were not rehired.  Some players including potential stars left the team.  Justin Boren and his team remained with their mother, the U of Michigan.

Problems really started brewing when the new step-father, Rich Rodriquez divorced West Virginia to take over the leadership role at U of M.  Even now, Coach Rod is still in the middle of a very messy divorce from West Virginia with the unfortunate allegations and legal entanglements common in divorce. 

The mother or U of M football hired Coach Rod to change the culture and family values at the U of M.  Too many losses to Ohio State, underdogs liked Appalachian State, spread offenses and bowl games.  Like so many sons and daughters in families of divorce, Justin Boren and some of his teammates did not like the new father figure changing the family dynamics and culture.  Coach Rod has become the "evil step-father" pushing the mother's "lax children" to greater achievement through hard work, strict rules and new expectations.

Justin like many children in divorce has verbally acted-out and ran away from home.