North Star Mental Fitness Blog

Does Your Child Have an Empty Heart?

Read about Empty Heart, if you are a parent who acts as if your children don't feel.  Please read about Empty Heart, if you have purposely, inappropriately or unwittingly rejected or unnecessarily been angry towards your children.

Use CPR To Kill Your Ant's (Automatic Negative Thoughts)

Dr. Daniel Amen believes you could have an ant infestation in your brain!  It sure sounds gross, doesn't it?  Before you call an ant exterminator, let me explain what Dr. Amen means.

Physical Exercise and Your Mental Fitness

After reading Steve Siebold's book "Die Fat or Get Tough", I began an exercise program.  I was motivated to apply Steve's idea that 99% compliance with my goal was insufficient for success.  I was determined to reach 100% compliance with my goal.  I exercised daily for over three months.  I felt better. 

I felt even better, when I read Dr. Amen's article on the power of physical exercise and mental fitness.  Dr. Amen talked about the 10 ways exercise helps obtain a "mental edge".  Exercise really helps in regard to memory loss and depression.

In my private practice, I have been asked to evaluate many people regarding memory loss.  I also have many clients that wish to depend on themselves rather than medications to improve the quality of their lives.  Regular physical exercise is an important way to nurture your brain.

I encourage you to read Dr.Amen's article if you are concerned about memory loss, depression, attention problems or cognitive anxiety.  Dr. Amen presented numerous research studies that shows physical exercises increase mental fitness.

Studies were reported that demonstrated the power of physical exercise on memory:

• Canadian researchers reported that exercise helps "prevent, delay and lesson the effects of dementia and Alzheimer's disease".
• Other researchers presented research that indicated that exercise can prevent and delay cognitive decline associated with dementia and Alzheimer's disease. 
• A study of people over 65 revealed that mild to moderate exercise reduced about 50% the risk of cognitive dementia associated with Alzheimer's disease.
• Australian researchers reported that memory impaired individuals who participated in a six-month exercise program showed a decrease in cognitive decline over 18 months.
• Indian researchers have stated that exercise provide some of the same benefits as medications used to treat cognitive decline in dementia and Alzheimer's disease.

Exercise also reduces the symptoms of depression.  Dr. Amen believes that exercise can be as effective as prescription medication for treating depression.  In a study comparing the effects of exercise and a prescription for Zoloft, exercise was as as effective as Zoloft in reducing depression after 12 weeks.  After 10 months, exercise was more effective than Zoloft.

Exercise is a very important ingredient for mental health and mental fitness.  No matter what how old a person is, it is never too late to start to exercise and improve your physical and mental well-being.

Remember We Live within the Minds and Bodies Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

 

 

It Is Okay!

Acceptance-what is acceptance? 

Yesterday I had the opportunity to talk to more than one client about acceptance.  The first client was struggling with depression and anger precipitated by his loss of health.  For him the change in his health "was not okay"!

Another one of my clients has had a life repeatedly punctured by death.  During her adolescent years, her brother committed suicide.  Her husband was killed in an accident.  She has recently gone through a divorce.  Of all these losses, the loss of her brother has been the most difficult to accept.  For her these deaths "were not okay".

Acceptance is learning how to turn "what is not okay" into "it is okay".  Acceptance is a long process, not a superficial, fleeting thought.

Death is probably one of the most difficult events in our lives to accept.  Especially the unexpected death or the death of a young, healthy child or adolescent.  It is extremely difficult to accept the suicidal death of a loved one.  Even the death of a loved, older person is difficult to accept.

It is hard to accept the harsh reality of death at the time of the death.  At that time, it is often impossible to accept.  Every part of us shouts out "it is not okay".  Sometimes we are in denial.  Sometimes we are angry, depressed, confused and lost.  We blame ourselves and wish we would have done more.  We must push away guilt, but it still lingers.

Much has been written about the stages of grief.  The last stage is acceptance.  But you might ask, what is acceptance?  A simple way of knowing acceptance is to think and feel "it is okay".

My client who had lost her brother, believes she has accepted his death.  She has accepted her brother's death death, although the reality of death never really leaves for very long. 

She was stunned, when I asked her if her brother's death was okay.  Sure although she believes she has accepted her brother's death, she couldn't say "it is okay".  She needs to think about whether she can say "it is okay" that her brother died.  She really needs to think about whether "it is okay" that he died by killing himself.

 Acceptance and serenity, which are generated by progressing through the steps of grief, can lead us to say "it is okay", when we have lost a loved one no matter what the circumstances are.  "It is okay" does not minimize the importance of the deceased person to us.  Rather it signifies our acceptance of the reality of death and our freedom from painful emotions and guilt associated with loss.

Consider the goal of being able to say "it is okay", when confronted with death and any significant loss.  "It is okay "is not giving in and being weak.  Quite the contrary, we are strong when we can accept the painful reality of death and set a goal to live our life to the fullest.

It does not matter that the nature of the losses.  It could be the losses associated with aging, illness, unemployment, divorce or retirement.  We must learn to turn "it is not okay" to "it is okay"!  We must realize that acceptance is the beginning of life and of growth.

Remember, We Live Within the Environment Created by Our Choices and Our Thoughts!

Nothing Is As Bad As It Seems!

On September 16, 2007 I wrote this post at the North Star Mental Fitness Blog.  As I read it again, I realize that it is very pertinent and relevant to today's economic climate.  Therefore, I chose to publish it again.

"Nothing is as good as it seems.  Nothing is as bad as it seems.  Reality is somewhere in between."  Lou Holtz made this statement in talking about Notre Dame's dismal start to the 2007 season.

There is no doubt that Notre Dame has played poorly this year.  Lou Holtz is a veteran coach.  What a wonderful message to give to a struggling team.  "Nothing is as bad as it seems" is a message of hope and encouragement.

Too often we engage in catastrophic thinking.  Life sometime seems so overwhelming.  We struggle to cope with the recurring stresses in our lives.  We feel stuck in circumstances that seem overbearing.  We tried everything and nothing seems to work.  We feel defeated.  Personality conflicts endure. Misunderstandings and insensitivities abound.  Losses in life accumulate.  Maybe it's a job loss or declining health.  Maybe it's a death of someone close to you.  Maybe it's an illness of a child or family member.  Maybe its financial or spiritual.  Maybe it's called midlife crisis, divorce, bankruptcy or an illness.

We are convinced it's as bad as it seems.

Last week almost everyone was convinced that the University of Michigan's football team was as bad as it seemed.  Yesterday, they won convincingly.  They were led to victory by their mentally tough halfback, Michael Hart.  Michael Hart was convinced that the University of Michigan football team was not as bad as it seemed and he promised a victory against Notre Dame.

Michael Hart's belief in his team, mental fitness, confidence, and courage turned the erroneous conclusion "it's as bad as it seems" into "its not as bad as it seems".

I hope it is reassuring for you to realize when you are stretched to the breaking point and emotionally devastated "it's not as bad as it's seems ". There will be solutions.  There will be sufficient inner strength.  There are people who will care and be there for you.  There are solutions inside of yourself to solve your problems.  Look inside of yourself rather than expecting others to change.  Rally your resources and realize tomorrow's a different day. 

What you do today, may work tomorrow as tomorrow is a different day.  What you do tomorrow can be different than what you did today.

You can go from losing to winning even after you've had significant defeats and losses.  You can remain confidence in yourself in spite of all of the problems in your life.  Courageously think and work to turn your life around.

Remember, the Law of Attraction.  How you think about your life creates your life.  When life is at it's worse, your thinking doesn't have to be at it's worst.  Think; then actively pursue with confidence and courage the way you want your life to be. 

"Nothing Is As Bad As It Seems" is a hopeful and encouraging statement for us to consider, when we are about to lose all hope and motivation.  Even regarding our current economy, might "Nothing Is As Bad As It Seems" be a better thought that a doomsday thought?

Remember, We Live within the Environment Created by Our Thoughts!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

If you want to know more about Michael Hart and his overcoming the death of her sister, please read "Do You Have the Desire to Overcome?"

Do You Live within the Environment Created by Your Choices?

This is a very important question for you to answer.  Who or what is determining the environment where you live? 

As we all know we are in a recession.  The economy is bad.  People are losing their jobs and their homes.  Economic security is disappearing from all of our lives.  With all of these bad things happening it would be natural to feel depressed and discouraged. 

The more we become depressed, the more we stop doing our usual activities.  We withdraw from life.  Even our relationship are affected by our withdrawal, our irriability and our depression.  We feel life becomes hopeless.  We think there is no end to our misery.  All of this hammers on our  body and health.  Our immune system is smashed and compromised.  We become more susceptible to infection and illness. 

Yes, if we allow the economy to determine our environment, we will live in the environment of depression, loneliness, failure, and poor health.

We have choices!  We do not have to allow the economy to make us depressed.  We do not have to allow the economy to overwhelm us.  We do not have to allow the economy to control our psychological and physical well-being!

We have the power of choice!  Our power of choice can be stronger than the economy in determining our health and well-being!

How we think about our economy is more powerful than the economy in effecting our emotional and physical well-being!

We can think of the economy as providing opportunities rather than problems!

We can think of the economy as providing us with a new start in life rather than the end of life!

We could think of the economy as putting into perspective what is really meaningful and important in our lives! 

We can choose to remember that the economy did not make us who we are, but rather we achieved and created our economic benefits! 

We can focus our lives on taking care of ourselves and making the best decisions possible; which is important to do in both good and bad times!

We can expect bad economic times, maintain our confidence and continue to make the best psychological and economic choices available for us!

We can always remember and be committed to this belief:

I LIVE WITHIN THE ENVIRONMENT CREATED BY MY CHOICES!

You can choose to make choices!  You can choose to be happy!  You can choose to enjoy your family and relationships!  You can choose to eat well and exercise and have good health!  You can make all the choices and bad economic times!

REMEMBER, YOU LIVE WITHIN THE ENVIRONMENT CREATED BY YOUR CHOICES!

Little Irritating Things

It was the third time she had been diagnosed with cancer.  An elderly woman with a history of depression.  I met with her, her husband and daughter.  We met together to support her during this time of crisis.

I was not sure what to expect.  There has been a long history of emotional disconnect and conflict in their marriage.  I was surprised when both women reported that the wife's husband had been less critical in the last few weeks.

I turned to her husband and asked him if he agreed.  He agreed and then informed me "Little Irritating Things Aren't That Important".

I was stunned, with the clarity of his thinking and the change in his behavior.

At first I wondered why it takes a tragedy such as a diagnosis of cancer to put into perspective what is really important.  Obviously, for this man and for most of us, our relationships and health are of most importance.  We seem to forget what is really important during the course of everyday living.

Next, I saw myself in this man.  I too get frustrated and angry over small, unimportant, and irritating things in my relationships.  I too have created sadness and disappointment in the hearts of those I love, because of my impatience.  Without realizing it, I too have made insignificant things more important than the people I love and who love me.

It was really a eureka experience for me and I hope it can be for you.  Think about you, your relationships and health.  There are a lot of small irritating things that occur in our relationships.  There are many, small irritating things that are necessary to do maintain good health.

Are you willing to put your life into perspective and say the "Little Irritating Things Aren't That Important".

Changing Expectations Following Brain Surgery

This woman has made a remarkable recovery from surgery brain surgery.  She basically has had to relearn all that she had learned before the surgery.  Still she has trouble with her balance, coordination of her eyes and walking.  In spite of these difficulties she continues to exercise and work on regaining her life.

She has struggled with depression.  In spite of her remarkable physical recoveries, she still experiences depression.  Her depression is triggered by unrealistic expectations.  Unconsciously, she still expects that she should be able to manage all of her life responsibilities as she did prior to her surgery.  Not being able to cook, clean and entertain as she has before triggered her depression.

She has discovered that by consciously making her expectations compatible with her ability to achieve has significantly reduced her depression.

It important to remember that unrealistic expectations is a major cause of depression and anxiety.  Especially for patients in recovery, it is important to reduce expectations and establish realistic expectations without guilt.