North Star Mental Fitness Blog

Does Your Child Have an Empty Heart?

Read about Empty Heart, if you are a parent who acts as if your children don't feel.  Please read about Empty Heart, if you have purposely, inappropriately or unwittingly rejected or unnecessarily been angry towards your children.

The Tiger Mindset

Tiger Woods has failed to maintain his elite status in the golfing world, since his return to the golfing circuit.  Mick Elliott at FANHOUSE called Tiger's current season his "winless season" in Mick's article "Tiger's Par-5 Game Still Isn't up to Par".

Tiger's golf game has been a disaster since his moral indiscretions and marital conflicts became big news. 

Mick showed how bad it has been for Tiger. "Ten times since 1997 Woods has finished in the top 10 on the PGA Tour on birdie-or-better conversions on par 5s. This year there are 53 players in front of his 43 percent conversion rate".

Tiger described his fall

Do Professional Athletes Know How to Stop Choking?

In professional sports, there is tremendous pressure to achieve.  Athletes want to be "Mr. Clutch"!  Athletes went to lead their team to victory.  Athletes want to continually elevate their performances to higher levels.  Athletes want to win, when victory or defeat is determined by what they do!

What is choking?  Choking is the failure to cope successfully with the pressures associated with professional sports, because of anxiety and panic.  Failure to "always" cope effectively with pressure in sports should be expected.  All professional athletes sometimes in their career will fail to achieve at the critical moment.  The critical moment is when what they do will determine the joy of victory or the agony of defeat.  Failure to successfully achieve is not choking.

Professional athletes need to set realistic expectations for themselves.  If a person wants to be a professional athlete, then they need to expect and accept that they sometimes will fail.  After all isn't winning and losing the nature of the game.  Isn't playing well and playing poorly to be expected?

Choking is when professional performance deteriorates, because of anxiety, fear and panic.  Choking is associated with prolonged failure to achieve at a level commensurate with one's ability, because of anxiety, fear and panic.  When focused attempts to achieve result in continuing poor performance or deteriorating performance, choking is present.  Anxiety, fear and panic can completely destroy confidence and prevent successful achievement.  When this occurs, professional athletes are in a state of choking.

There is a lot that can be done to control and manage choking.  Some athletes seek psychiatric treatment and counseling for their anxiety. I recommend mental fitness training for successfully coping with choking.  Mental fitness training is just as important as physical training for successful performance and managing of the pressures associated with professional sports.

Often times, professional athletes are given wonderful advice such as in Patrick Cohn's article,How to Avoid Choking in Baseball.  Although professional advice may be correct and valid, it is only effective when an athlete's default mindset for coping with choking is changed.  The mind's default position for coping with choking can only be changed through hard work or mental fitness or mental toughness training.

Athletes need to know: 

• Advice from their friends, fellow players and coaches usually is ineffective in reducing anxiety induced choking and sometimes can increase choking!
• Attempts to consciously stop choking can actually increase choking!
• It is important to change one's mindset in order to effectively manage choking!
• Mental fitness and mental toughness are the result of one's thinking and not automatically associated with professional skills.
• Mental fitness and mental toughness training can make an athlete stronger than the anxiety associated with choking!

If you or someone you know is struggling with anxiety associated with their performance, suggest to them that they get mental fitness training or contact me for further information.

Remember, We Live with the Performances Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

I Am an Awesome Person!

She has large brown eyes and a big smile on her face as she anxiously and then more confidently shocked me with her self-assessment. 

"IN SPITE OF EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED TO ME, I AM AN AWESOME PERSON"!

She went on to tell me how important it is to not allow her past to influence her life.  Although she is only 16, she expressed a mindset crafted by very few people.

You might ask what could have happened to her in 16 years.

Brain Fitness Programs

As a clinical psychologist, I am frequently asked to evaluate people for memory loss and other areas of cognitive decline.  After evaluating people, some are prescribed medications by their physicians.

Frequently, I encourage people to use brain fitness programs.  There are brain fitness programs to improve memory, eye-hand coordination, visual-spatial problem-solving, attention and focus, and processing numbers.  I discovered a very practical website, Play with Your Mind.  This website offers a lot of different brain fitness programs.  I highly encourage you to visit this website and utilize their programs.

Unfortunately, many people with memory losses and declining ability to function, are unaware of resources for improving their functioning for delaying the process of cognitive decline.

I really want you to keep this post for a resource.  There was a post at Play with Your Mind entitled Brain Fitness Programs and Websites.  You'll have to look no further for brain fitness training and opportunities.  This will be a wonderful resource for you.

Brain fitness programs are relatively new, but extremely important for people who want to be fully functioning for as long as possible.  These programs will stimulate and challenge our senses and cognitive abilities.

These programs are different than the  North Star Mental Fitness Program, which provides exercises to improve decision-making, taking care of oneself and making one stronger than one's problems.

The  North Star Mental Fitness Program is a practical program for making life's decisions, while most brain fitness programs are developed to improve various sensory and cognitive functions.  Both mental fitness and brain fitness programs are important and necessary, although different in their objectives.

You can use the North Star Mental Fitness Program's strategies for improving your life focus and for making life decisions easier and more satisfying.  You can use the brain fitness programs for sharpening your senses and thinking abilities.  We need both.

Remember, We Live within the Minds and Environment Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

WE WILL LIVE WITHIN THE COUNTRY CREATED BY OUR CHOICES!

Memorial Day. A day to remember our known and unknown heroes.  A day of reverence and gratitude for those who sacrificed for our independence and to those who gave up their lives so we can live in freedom.  As I reflected on our national heroes, I admired their mental fitness to stay the course and win our independence.  Here are some quotations that remember our national heroes and can also strengthen our resolve to be strong and heroic.  It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died. Rather we should thank God that such men lived.  General George S. Patton “It doesn't take a hero to order men into battle. It takes a hero to be one of those men who goes into battle.” Major General Norman Schwartzkopf "That's what it takes to be a hero, a little gem of innocence inside you that makes you want to believe that there still exists a right and wrong, that decency will somehow triumph in the end.”  Lise Hand "Courage is contagious.  When a brave man takes a stand, the spines of others are often stiffened."  Reverend Billy Graham "The hero is the man dedicated to the creation and/or defense of reality-conforming, life-promoting values."  Andrew Berbstein ”A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself."  Joseph Campbell   "The bravest are those who surely have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding, go out to meet it."  Thucydides "Heroes take journeys, confront dragons, and discover the treasure of their true selves."  Carol Lynn Pearson "Nurture your minds with great thoughts, to believe in the heroic makes heroes."  Benjamin Disraeli "Courage is resistances to fear, mastery of fear-not absence of fear." "A hero is one who knows how to hang on one minute longer."  Novalis “It is surmounting difficulties that makes heroes."  Louis Pasteur "Without heroes, we are all plain people, and don't know how far we can go."  Bernard Malamud We need and can have the courage and conviction to continue the fight for our independence. Remember, We Will Live Within The Country Created by Our Choices. Dr. Hal Life and Mental Fitness Coach

 

“Heroes take journeys, confront dragons, and discover the treasure of their true selves.”  Carol Lynn Pearson quotes Nurture your minds with great thoughts, to believe in the heroic makes heroes.”  Benjamin Disraeli quotes “Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear”  Mark Twain quotes

Mother and Grandmother Issues

Relationships are often times very difficult.  At tiesm relationships between mothers and grandmothers are especially difficult.  I am quite sure that the relationships between mothers and grandmothers can be associated with tremendous emotional pain for both the mothers and grandmothers.

Letting Go of Bad Behavior, Painful Emotions and Guilt

This weekend Tiger Woods has liberated himself from his separation from golf as he is playing in the Masters.  He has sought treatment for his bad behavior and undoubtedly to reduce his painful emotions and guilt.  Hopefully, he is liberated from his bad behavior, painful emotions and guilt.

I would expect that his golf game may reach new heights with the resolution of his devastating and draining painful emotions and guilt precipitated by his bad behavior.

The purpose of this post is not to discredit Tiger Woods.  The purpose of this post is to provide a plan for all of us to free ourselves from our bad behavior, painful emotions and guilt.  After all, haven't all of us had painful emotions and regrets following bad behavior?  Haven't we all struggle with letting go of problems in our lives?  Haven't we all struggled with letting go of painful emotions and guilt?

Here is a five step program for stopping bad behaviors, painful emotions and guilt.  I call this the L" System.

1.  Limit Your Losses:  This means to stop your bad behaviors.  Also stop thinking the thoughts and giving in to the feelings that rationalized your bad behavior.

2.  Learn:  Learn your bad behavior will always have negative consequences.  Learn your bad behavior will devastate those who care about you and those about whom you care.  Learn your bad behavior violates your values.  Learn that painful emotions and guilt are realistic, when you have engaged in bad behavior.

3.  Liberate Yourself:  After you have limited your losses and have really learned, then you are at the point that you can liberate yourself.  After you have accepted the realities triggered by your bad behavior, it is time to forgive yourself.  Real liberation comes from self forgiveness. Painful emotions and guilt willl remain as long as you are continuing to engage in bad behaviors. Painful emotions and guilt will continue to occupy your mind until you have forgiven yourself.

4.  Letting Go: As you fill your conscious mind with thoughts of self forgiveness, it becomes easier to let go of your bad behaviors, painful emotions and guilt.  Letting go is a conscious choice that is really possible after you've gone through the first three stages.  Letting Go is also fostered by recognizing, making amends and seeking forgiveness from those who have hurt.

 5.  Look Forward: The temptations and negative thinking that generated your past bad behavior must be dealt with in the future.  Once you have gone through this program of acceptance and forgiveness, you can look forward with confidence and determination.  You can have confidence in your learning, forgiveness and determination to avoid bad behaviors.  You can perceive past situations where you engaged in bad behavior as opportunities to strengthen your new behaviors, your enjoyable feelings and peace of mind.

I hope that these five steps will help you find freedom from bad behaviors, painful emotions and guilt.

Remember, You Live within the Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

 

 

The Power of Acceptance

There is power in acceptance! 

Our Super Bowl & Our Time for a Revolution

Today is Super Bowl Sunday.  Millions of Americans will be riveted in front of their TVs as they watch the New Orleans Saints battle the Indianapolis Colts.

Today I also woke up to an article about Sarah Palin, who delivered a speech last night and claimed that "America is ready for a another revolution".

As I thought about these two epic events,