North Star Mental Fitness Blog

Tarkenton Still Scrambling in His Senior Years

Fran Tarkenton is still known as the elite scrambling quarterback.  If he didn't beat his opponent with his passing, he did it with his running.  Now in his senior years,

I Am an Awesome Person!

She has large brown eyes and a big smile on her face as she anxiously and then more confidently shocked me with her self-assessment. 

"IN SPITE OF EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED TO ME, I AM AN AWESOME PERSON"!

She went on to tell me how important it is to not allow her past to influence her life.  Although she is only 16, she expressed a mindset crafted by very few people.

You might ask what could have happened to her in 16 years.

Brain Fitness Programs

As a clinical psychologist, I am frequently asked to evaluate people for memory loss and other areas of cognitive decline.  After evaluating people, some are prescribed medications by their physicians.

Frequently, I encourage people to use brain fitness programs.  There are brain fitness programs to improve memory, eye-hand coordination, visual-spatial problem-solving, attention and focus, and processing numbers.  I discovered a very practical website, Play with Your Mind.  This website offers a lot of different brain fitness programs.  I highly encourage you to visit this website and utilize their programs.

Unfortunately, many people with memory losses and declining ability to function, are unaware of resources for improving their functioning for delaying the process of cognitive decline.

I really want you to keep this post for a resource.  There was a post at Play with Your Mind entitled Brain Fitness Programs and Websites.  You'll have to look no further for brain fitness training and opportunities.  This will be a wonderful resource for you.

Brain fitness programs are relatively new, but extremely important for people who want to be fully functioning for as long as possible.  These programs will stimulate and challenge our senses and cognitive abilities.

These programs are different than the  North Star Mental Fitness Program, which provides exercises to improve decision-making, taking care of oneself and making one stronger than one's problems.

The  North Star Mental Fitness Program is a practical program for making life's decisions, while most brain fitness programs are developed to improve various sensory and cognitive functions.  Both mental fitness and brain fitness programs are important and necessary, although different in their objectives.

You can use the North Star Mental Fitness Program's strategies for improving your life focus and for making life decisions easier and more satisfying.  You can use the brain fitness programs for sharpening your senses and thinking abilities.  We need both.

Remember, We Live within the Minds and Environment Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

How Important Are Grandparents?

From a sociological perspective, more and more grandparents are spending their golden years taking care of their grandchildren.  In many societies, grand parenting is a vital part of the family structure.  In our highly mobile society, grandparents are not involved within the family structure.  In our highly disposable society, grandparents may also become disposable.

At least, sometimes, grandparents feel as if there is an expiration date on their relationship with their grandchildren.  Grandparents may feel insecure in their place within the family structure.  They may question their importance.  Some grandparents are fearful of over-extending their boundaries and fearful of self-actualizing in their role as a grandparent.

In the last few weeks, I've been talking to a man who has been extremely concerned about his grandson.  This grandfather had  bonded with his grandson and now does not have any contact with his grandson.  This grandfather made a very difficult decision.  His daughter was abusing drugs.  He confronted his daughter.  Since she was resistant to entering substance abuse treatment, he asked her to leave his home.  She took her son and has refused any contact between her son and the grandfather.  

I have also been talking to a man who has been a wife's nightmare.  He has been a serial cheater.  Analysis of his childhood indicated that he was always fearful of his mother removing him from his grandmother.  He perceived his grandmother as loving him.  He became fearful of forming close relationships.  His wife became like his grandmother.  He knew his wife loved him.  Whenever there was potential conflict, he ran away from his wife into another relationship.

As I thought about these two men, I began thinking about the importance of grand parenting.  Grand parenting can provide psychological security, love, values and stability for grandchildren.  Grand parenting can definitely assist parents in raising their children.

I ask you, how important is grand parenting in your family?  Is it important for you to have grandparents play a crucial role in raising your children?  It is important for your  children's grandparents to feel secure, spontaneous and free to be themselves with your children?

Remember, We Live WIthin the Families Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Mother and Grandmother Issues

Relationships are often times very difficult.  At tiesm relationships between mothers and grandmothers are especially difficult.  I am quite sure that the relationships between mothers and grandmothers can be associated with tremendous emotional pain for both the mothers and grandmothers.

Mental Fitness & Obama Healthcare

Today there will be a historic vote regarding the Obama Healthcare Bill.  This bill will have monumental effects as it will redefine the nature of our democracy and further increase the national debt.  Of course, the healthcare bill will also affect each and every American.

For a few moments let us focus off of the bill and think about the representatives who may or may not be voting on a bill that still could be passed without a vote.  I must ask the question.

DO YOU THINK THAT OUR REPRESENTATIVES ARE MENTALLY FIT ENOUGH TO CAST A VOTE ON THE OBAMA HEALTHCARE BILL?

Of course, whether they are mentally fit or not; our Representatives are taking up space in Washington and will at least "present" when the vote is taken or should be taken.

If our Representatives are mentally fit, they will

1. Be focused on representing the people; not focused on party allegiance, pursuing their individual agendas and giving in to the influence of the President or any other important person.

2. Act courageously to represent the people.

3.  Claim their self-respect and success in representing the people rather than pursuing the approval of their party.  Success is representing the people and completing their mission in representing the people.  Success is not determine by the passage or failure to pass a health care bill.

4. Accept all of the frustrations necessary to represent the people and all of the frustrations necessary to fight the influences from those who wish to discount the will of the people, while courageously and persistently representing the people.

5.  Avoid all self-defeating rationalizations and actions that will betray the trust of the people.  Blind allegiance to a party and childlike dependency and cowardice cannot be rationalized in any way.

6.  Make your decision on the basis of American values and moral values.  Is your decision really best for America and the people.  Will the people you represent be happy, peaceful, free and in control of their lives following your representation of them?

7.  Make your decision on the basis of rational and logical thought.  Be honest.  Don't try to convince us that 30 million people will be additionally insured for no additional cost.  Don't try to convince us that Medicare benefits will not be cut.

8.  Relate to the people with honesty, respect, acceptance and trust.  Violate any of these values and you are not welcome to represent us any longer.

9.  Don't underestimate the people.  We want to take care of ourselves, our families and our democracy. Do not attempt to destroy our ability to take care of ourselves!  Do not destroy our ability to take care of our families!  Do not destroy our country!  Remember, taxation without representation led to the birth of America. 

10.  Check your position.  Are you representing the people?  You may have wavered.  You may have succumbed to pressure.  You may have betrayed the public.  Now is the time to get it right.  Choose to represent the people before you vote!

 

REMEMBER, WE WILL LIVE IN THE COUNTRY DETERMINED BY THE CHOICES OF OUR REPRESENTATIVES!

FOR THE REPRESENTATIVES, YOU WILL LIVE WITHIN THE COUNTRY DETERMINED BY OUR CHOICES AFTER YOU HAVE MADE YOUR VOTE!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Our Super Bowl & Our Time for a Revolution

Today is Super Bowl Sunday.  Millions of Americans will be riveted in front of their TVs as they watch the New Orleans Saints battle the Indianapolis Colts.

Today I also woke up to an article about Sarah Palin, who delivered a speech last night and claimed that "America is ready for a another revolution".

As I thought about these two epic events,

It Is Okay!

Acceptance-what is acceptance? 

Yesterday I had the opportunity to talk to more than one client about acceptance.  The first client was struggling with depression and anger precipitated by his loss of health.  For him the change in his health "was not okay"!

Another one of my clients has had a life repeatedly punctured by death.  During her adolescent years, her brother committed suicide.  Her husband was killed in an accident.  She has recently gone through a divorce.  Of all these losses, the loss of her brother has been the most difficult to accept.  For her these deaths "were not okay".

Acceptance is learning how to turn "what is not okay" into "it is okay".  Acceptance is a long process, not a superficial, fleeting thought.

Death is probably one of the most difficult events in our lives to accept.  Especially the unexpected death or the death of a young, healthy child or adolescent.  It is extremely difficult to accept the suicidal death of a loved one.  Even the death of a loved, older person is difficult to accept.

It is hard to accept the harsh reality of death at the time of the death.  At that time, it is often impossible to accept.  Every part of us shouts out "it is not okay".  Sometimes we are in denial.  Sometimes we are angry, depressed, confused and lost.  We blame ourselves and wish we would have done more.  We must push away guilt, but it still lingers.

Much has been written about the stages of grief.  The last stage is acceptance.  But you might ask, what is acceptance?  A simple way of knowing acceptance is to think and feel "it is okay".

My client who had lost her brother, believes she has accepted his death.  She has accepted her brother's death death, although the reality of death never really leaves for very long. 

She was stunned, when I asked her if her brother's death was okay.  Sure although she believes she has accepted her brother's death, she couldn't say "it is okay".  She needs to think about whether she can say "it is okay" that her brother died.  She really needs to think about whether "it is okay" that he died by killing himself.

 Acceptance and serenity, which are generated by progressing through the steps of grief, can lead us to say "it is okay", when we have lost a loved one no matter what the circumstances are.  "It is okay" does not minimize the importance of the deceased person to us.  Rather it signifies our acceptance of the reality of death and our freedom from painful emotions and guilt associated with loss.

Consider the goal of being able to say "it is okay", when confronted with death and any significant loss.  "It is okay "is not giving in and being weak.  Quite the contrary, we are strong when we can accept the painful reality of death and set a goal to live our life to the fullest.

It does not matter that the nature of the losses.  It could be the losses associated with aging, illness, unemployment, divorce or retirement.  We must learn to turn "it is not okay" to "it is okay"!  We must realize that acceptance is the beginning of life and of growth.

Remember, We Live Within the Environment Created by Our Choices and Our Thoughts!