When Your Adult Child Is in Trouble or Troubled

His college-age son recently attempted suicide.  Her daughter has made numerous bad decisions and currently is in a dead-end relationship.  Her daughter repeatedly asks for money and never manages her money well. 

The list of problems are too long to enumerate.

Parents are faced with unimaginable problems!  We thought our worries about our children and problems experienced by our children would go away, when our children became adults.  Wrong!

We  have done the best we can in raising our children, yet our children seem to be seem to be so troubled in their adult years.  Sometimes our adult children even find themselves in trouble.  We realize we weren't perfect parents.  Still doubts enter our minds, as we see our children in trouble. 

How do we relate to troubled adult children or adult children in trouble?

Usually therapists suggest that you express your feelings and opinions to your adult children.  However, after a while they no longer listened to you.  If expressing your feelings to your adult children closes them up, don't do it anymore.

Tough Love also is a popular prescription.  "Just Say No" to your adult children.  Although these suggestions are logical and practical, they sometimes are not enough.

Here are some ideas for you to consider.

1.  Detach-please read "Parental Detachment" to learn about five important ways to detach.

2.  Support-Support your children in their endeavors.  Support your adult children and encourage them to reach their goals.  Supporting your children in reaching their goals is really more important to them than expressing our feelings.  "Are You a Helicopter Parent" shows the dangers of making our children dependent on us rather than supporting their endeavors

3.  Respect-Relate to your children as adults not as troubled or in trouble.  Although it is difficult, it is important to relate to your adult children and respect their adulthood.  For example, the man with the suicidal child has a choice.  He can choose to perceive and relate to his child as a suicidal person or as an adult.  For more insight, I refer you to "No Questions Asked".

4.  Confidence-Expressing confidence to our children validates them and also reduces "Parental Anxiety".

I hope that these ideas well give you hope and ideas for coping with your troubled adult children and adult children in trouble.

Remember, We Live within the Environment Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach