Help-How Do Parents Stop Thinking About Their Children?

How do parents stop thinking and worrying about their children?  This question was recently asked me by one of my clients.

The question I believe approaches universal significance and the answers certainly could set many parents free from a lifetime of worry, emotional pain and depression.  Many marriages and families suffer from the burdens experienced by children and the parent's inability to let go of their concerns.  Should they or should they not try to help their children? 

How can parents find peace of mind, happiness, a life of freedom and self-fulfillment, when their children are in pain or have problems?

The problems parents worry about are innumerable and

oftentimes seem to have no answer.  Problems experienced by children begin when they are very young and never seem to go away. If this is true, and I believe it is, then what works for parents so they don't get completely absorbed and consumed by their children's problems?  How can parents have a life, whether children are struggling or failing?

How can you get the thoughts about your child or children out of your mind, so you can enjoy other aspects of your life?

If you would like to share your experiences or have any ideas regarding parental relief, I would like to have you share your story and your solutions in the comment section or you can e-mail me. 

As a parent how have you learned to stop thinking and dwelling on your children's problems?  Please share with us what has worked for you.  All and every response will be appreciated.  Also feel comfortable sharing your feelings and asking questions.  Interactions among the readers of this blog also will be appreciated.

Certainly thinking about our children is appropriate and important.  However, being consumed by children's problems can create an environment that is dangerous for a family's well-being.

Remember, We Live within Environment Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach 

Comments

[JHS]

Thanks for participating in the December 3, 2007, edition of the Carnival of Family Life, hosted this week at http://www.imaginif.com.au!!

[Sherry A.]

Dangerous for a families well being to be involved when one of your own is stugeling...mmmm really testing me here, aren't you!! My answer is, jeez, what is my answer?!? First of all, when we decided to have children, they became part of me, and that will never change. I think it takes common sense to know where to draw the line. Easy to say, me being a big sucker and all, but if my grown child asks for help do I say no? Sometimes, it depends on the situation. Is he a little short on rent this month? I ask myself, do I want him to move back home...NO, so I help out. If it were a monthly thing that would be another matter. Our grown children today do not live in the same world we grew up in. The world seems to be spinning way too, fast. But, they have to learn to deal with it because I can't do anything about that. Recently my oldest son, who moved out of state where his younger brothers moved about 4 years ago. He met a girl, (ouch) which I am happy for him. He has a good job which is very good, but he has never handled his money very well. His new friend wanted to go to NYC for a 3 day weekend, some famous person she is a big fan of was going to be there. He called me to ask for money to help him out, $300.00, oh and of course, "I'll pay you back MOM"!!! Well, I told him I would send the money, but it was his choice, either pay me back or it will be part of an early Christmas present. That was fine with him. I do not expect to see the money in the mail, so that just means I have less shopping to do. He had a good time, I am sure he will remember his trip in the future.

So, what it comes down to for me is your children are always your children. I try to decide...is this a big problem or just something they want, not need. And, there is my answer. People in hell WANT ice water.
Hopeing I made some sense here,

Sherry Airgood

[Kim J.]

I do not have a right answer for this question because I come from a very close family that never desires to stay out of another family member's buisness. Now, I married a man whose family feels it is only right to stay out of each other's affairs and let the family member work things out on his/her own. Yet, every person, when made aware of a problem, has an opinion to share. I have, many times, heard that opinion in an indirect way without the family member being present.
Right or wrong, this is my opinion. I, with God's permission and handy work, brought my children into this world and it's a rough, often crappy world because of all the people who do not know what God expects of them or just don't give a rip! I will be there for my children, no matter what. I help to create their way of thinking, their morals, their behaviors, etc. I will not abandon them after I help put dysfunction into their little minds. I also obey God's Will (or try) so I'm assured that God knows how hard I'm trying to instill His Word into my boys and whether they stray somewhere down their path, I have confidence that they will find their way back (depite the harshness of the world). Oh, I know some of you who don't believe want to eat me alive because of my thinking. That's probably the problem. In the old country my Grandma and Grandpa came from, families stick together. They even build onto their houses to make room for the next generation. They help each other, love one another, stick together through good and bad times. Sound unrealistic? Yeah, here in America it does! But, I have extended family in Yugoslvia and Germany who do live just like that! And, they live a fine life! So, ask me to butt out of my kid's life and I'll tell you, "No way! I'm there for them even if I have to love an unlovable daughter-in-law, bite my lip until it bleeds, watch them grow from their mistakes...no matter what...I'm there!

[hrlygrly48@aol.com]

Just a short comment on what "Kim J." has to say. I am with her all the way! I can't tell you how many times I have had the dicussion of the "nuclear family" concept. Back in the day, before the world started to spin out of control, this concept was not unheard of at all. Family took care of family! Everyone pitched in, well, I don't know about everyone, but my point is that's just how it was. I believe there was less stress and more harmony amoung family members. What a great concept. Today, some are lucky if they see their close relatives at all, most likely it is weddings and funerals. And, the nuclear family, well, the adults all pitched in and helped with the younger ones! Families caring for families. Who would think of putting Grandma or Grandpa in a extended care faculity! Not on your life, it was natural for them to die at home, with their loved ones! Can't we just step back in time, slow things down and love and respect one another?

Sherry A.

[Dr. Hal]

Kim and Sherry,

Thank you for your comments. You both are emphasizing important issues; specifically the importance of family members having a sense of belonging, commitment and responsibility for each other. These values are important and oftentimes lost in our society. It is difficult to blend detaching from when children when necessary with these values.