Nine Ingredients for For Creating a Wonderful Marriage

Knowing the nine ingredients for creating a wonderful relationship with will give you a road map for creating the marriage you have always wanted and also a gage for measuring your current relationship.  After reading this list, I wanted to share it with you.

Judith S. Wallerstein, who is co- author of The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Last, presented Nine Psychological Tasks for a Good Marriage for the APA Help Center.

From a psychological and mental fitness perspective, these nine ingredients are very sound and necessary for a healthy relationship.

These are Dr. Wallerstein's nine research findings for a wonderful marriage.

1.  Separate emotionally from the family you grew up in; not to the point of estrangement, but enough so that your identity is separate from that of your parents and siblings.

2.  Build togetherness based on a shared intimacy and identity, while at the same time set boundaries to protect each partner's autonomy.

3.  Establish a rich and pleasurable sexual relationship and protect it from the intrusions of the workplace and family obligations.

4.  For couples with children, embrace the daunting roles of parenthood and absorb the impact of a baby's entrance into the marriage. Learn to continue the work of protecting the privacy of you and your spouse as a couple.

5.  Confront and master the inevitable crises of life

6.  Maintain the strength of the marital bond in the face of adversity. The marriage should be a safe haven in which partners are able to express their differences, anger and conflict.

7.  Use humor and laughter to keep things in perspective and to avoid boredom and isolation.

8.  Nurture and comfort each other, satisfying each partner's needs for dependency and offering continuing encouragement and support.

9.  Keep alive the early romantic, idealized images of falling in love, while facing the sober realities of the changes wrought by time.

This list can validate for you what is working well in your relationships and also give you a direction for making new choices to improve your relationship.  To improve your marriage, your mental fitness and your mental health, focused on making these nine choices in your marriage.

Remember, You'll Live within the Marriage Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Comments

[Sherry A.]

I really love this post!! Dr. W. is very insightfull! I especially like #1,5,6,7,& 9! #1, well that just makes total sense to me, something I will be working on. This can help me in so many area's of my life, as I think about and protect MY OWN identity!! I find a lot of help and hope in all of these suggestions--but #9, has a lot of meaning for me, especially about the realities of changes wrought by time. It's a fact, we all get older every second of our lives. Things change and I need to accept that and go with the flow of lifes little changes. We can't fight Mother Nature now can we!?! We will always lose. Perhaps I will learn to be a bit more happy with the woman I am today, wrinkles, rolls, and all, I am still here and I am still me!! Ever trying to live within the enviroment I create for myself!

Sherry A.

[Melitsa]

I've read this post a few times now and the points come to mind at different times during the day..... Your post made me think about things differently. I love blogs.

Thanks for sharing your post with the Carnival of Family Life- Bonfire edition.

[JHS]

All great suggestions.

All easier said than done.

I'm late getting around to visit all of the Carnival participants. (Crazy week . . . only excuse!)

THANK YOU for being part of Colloquium's inaugural edition. I appreciate your support.

Don't forget that this week's Carnival will be hosted at All Rileyed Up. If you haven't submitted a post yet, you can do so until midnight (Pacific Time) tonight!