Divorce Caused by Insurmountable Differences- Today I talked to an elderly gentleman whose wife has filed for divorce. For years they have dealt with very significant differences of opinion in their relationship centered around the wife's granddaughter.
When this man's wife sat by the bedside of her dying daughter, she promised her daughter to educate and raise her daughter's baby.
Unfortunately, the child has also been raised by a father with limited resources and psychological instability. The grandmother has tried to care for her granddaughter and raised the granddaughter with values and a good education.
Now the granddaughter is in her teenage years and engaging in activities that completely violate the grandparents values and the grandmother's promise to her daughter.
Needless to say, these grandparents have had very significant differences of opinion and very strong emotion regarding this granddaughter. Sometimes the grandfather's anger has escalated to the point that the grandmother is scared. The grandfather only wishes to express his frustration, while the grandmother only seems angry intent and verbal expressions of hostility regarding the granddaughter and the granddaughter's father.
As I looked at this very sharp minded, 79-year-old man I saw his broken heart. His wife has filed for divorce over the irreconcilable differences over the granddaughter and because of the grandfather's resultant expressions of anger.
It was very clear to me that both men and woman are very strong minded individuals, polarized in their opinions. The wife as many women would respond, focused on loving, communicating and caring for the granddaughter. The husband as many men would think focused on l the granddaughter's living a valueless lifestyle, lack of achievement and disrespect to his wife.
This couple was never going to agree on how to raise the granddaughter. Their irreconcilable differences angered the man to the point that he was losing control and distanced the wife to the point that she wanted to end the relationship.
As we talked, we developed the following strategy. Sometimes it is difficult to recognize the obvious. We decided that he and his wife would never agree and that was okay.
I suggested that he think and communicate to his wife that he accepts her differences of opinion and also hopes that she will be able to accept his difference of opinions regarding the granddaughter. The message is clear: they needed to accept each other without having to agree.
In reality, he had accepted his wife's involvement with the granddaughter for many years even though they never agreed. Because they never talked about accepting each with their differences, their differences insidiously began to destroy their relationship.
I hope this coupled will experience The Power of Accepting Differences! I hope you have found The Power of Accepting Differences in your life rather than allowing the irreconcilable and divisive differences have power over your life!
Remember, You Live within the Environment Created by Your Choices!
Dr. Hal
Life and Mental Fitness Coach
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