Expecting Frustrations in Relationships - Is a Basic Reality for Happiness in Relationships!
All relationships will have frustrations. The frustrations are just different for different people. The solution is not to be a loner as a way of avoiding relationship frustrations. For being a loner also will have its frustrations.
It doesn't take very long for a person in a relationship to know there will be frustrations. Nevertheless, most people react to relationship frustrations as if they should not be present in loving relationships. Wrong!
Even in loving relationships, frustrations always exist.
How can people work through frustrations in relationships, so there is less emotional pain, misunderstanding, alienation, marital conflict, familial dysfunction, midlife crisis or divorce?
EXPECTATION: In every relationship there will be frustrations. Very little discussion is held in most relationships about the reality of frustrations.
Most people do not EXPECT frustrations to exist in their relationship! We know frustrations run wild in our relationships. Still we do not usually EXPECT FRUSTRATIONS! We don't identify frustrations as frustrations! We react to frustrations as if they are catastrophes and disasters! We interpret frustrations as a lack of love or devious control!
Why don't we stop long enough to think about frustrations and label them as frustrations before acting out emotionally and behaviorally? Why don't we identify the problems, stresses, mistakes, errors in judgment, wavering commitment, hurt feelings, damaging thoughts as frustrations?
Why don't we have an agreement to classify what goes wrong in relationships as frustrations? Why don't we make a second agreement to work together to resolve the frustrations while remaining committed to each other? Why not make a third agreement to not allow frustrations to destroy the foundation and experience of love and commitment?
The nature of the frustration doesn't matter! What matters is how people think and manage their frustration! What matters is people committing to turn frustrations into happiness together.
In order to turn frustrations into happiness, the first step is CREATING THE EXPECTATION that there will be frustrations and a mindset to identify frustrations as FRUSTRATIONS.
Frustrations do not have to be divisive and won't be, when frustrations are interpreted as opportunities to grow, strengthen a relationship, find happiness and discover solutions for the frustrations of everyday living.
Remember, You Live in the Environment Created by Your Expectations and Choices!
Dr. Hal
Life and Mental Fitness Coach
my wife is 43 in a severe mid-life crisis. we live in georgia and she wants to move to the beach. she wants me to commute at first and then me move down with her. i will be leaving my great job/co-owner, to do this. will this help her in her mid-life crisis if i decide to move with her? we are getting our lives back in order, and its a slow proccess, but on the right road. she says she is not happy with anything right now. i have finally got her to see a theapist. so glad, but what is your input on all this. i haven't even touched the surface yet. thanks....paul
Posted by: paul | December 13, 2007 at 11:02 AM
Paul,
Thank you for sharing your situation and your question.
It sounds like you are going to severe adversity in your marriage.
I was interested in your wife's comment that she is "not happy with anything right now". This insightful statement indicates that changing external circumstances will not bring lasting happiness. From a mental fitness perspective, it is much more important for her to make new choices in her thinking then in her external circumstances. If she can change how she thinks about her life and her circumstances, she will be able to make new choices to find happiness. I am happy that your wife is willing to see a therapist and I hope you will also be willing to see the therapist. Counseling and mental fitness training can help.
Posted by: Dr. Hal | December 27, 2007 at 02:21 PM