I Like to Keep Score

He has been diagnosed with a bi-polar disorder.  His wife does not disagree with the diagnosis.  They are separated. 

His wife told him very clearly:

• I will never be called a name again.
• Don't come home because you are lonely.  Only come home if you really want to be with me.
• If you want to be with me, you better make sure you don't go back.

He wants to be with his wife again.  What did he decide to do?

   

He knows that he has a mood disorder, which means his mood overcomes him for no reason.  It is a physiological problem that turns him into an angry, impatient, controlling, and revengeful person.  His mood effects every part of his life.

Our approach was to identify how he thinks, when he is in one of his moods. 

He knows "Just because I feel something, its not true". 

He also knows "Its letting go of controlling my wife.  Its not just about me".

Even with these insights, he did not know what he was feeling, when in his mood.  As I like to do, I shared with him a mental fitness tip learned from another client.  I thought it would really fit.  So I shared with him, what the archer said about his success, "Don't Keep Track of the Score".

Immediately, this statement triggered his self-awareness.  He excitedly exclaimed:  "I like to Keep Score. I like to pull out stuff, when I need it".

I asked, "why"?   He replied, "I want a get out of jail free card.  I have to be the good guy. I can accuse her instead of me."

He had some insight into his blaming his wife for what is wrong in his life.  "When I'm feeling insecure, I can keep score of when she has failed to make me feel secure.  Then I can blame her for making me feel insecure."

Sharing with him a mental fitness insight, helped him to become aware of what he has done wrong when in his moods.  He can now focus on no longer keeping score as a way of coping with his mood. He has begun to psychologically strengthen his thinking to fight against the mood, when it comes again.  He still has a lot to do to cope with the mood, but he has a great start.

We do not have to have a bi-polar diagnosis to benefit from his insights.  Don't we all keep score too much in our relationships?

Remember, We Live Within the Environment Created by Our Choices.

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

If your are interested in the mental fitness approach for managing your mood disorder or for getting information for someone you love, please contact Dr. Hal.