When I took English 101, I didn't realize I was taught one of the ways to overcome the communication chasm between men and women.
Women want to be important, respected, valued and acknowledged by men. Time and time again, I've heard women anguish over the insensitivity and put-downs experienced from the man in their lives.
Men too, are just as frustrated in trying to communicate with women. Men also feel unimportant, taken for granted, and ignored in relating with the woman in their lives.
Different words are used, but the result are the same. There is a disconnect or lack of connection between men and women. There is a lack of sensitivity and satisfaction painfully felt by men and women.
I am not kidding, when I wrote: A solution to this age long, disconnect between men and women was taught me in English 101.
Yesterday, I blogged about "Wonderful Relationships". I read a very interesting article by Karen Sherman of the ThirdAge Blog on "Positively Wonderful Relationships". Karen's article stimulated me to write about "Positively Satisfying Relationships".
Karen has another interesting blog, "Each Day Is Valentine's Day". She wrote: " So, yesterday was Valentine’s Day and thanks to Hallmark probably lots of you were reminded that you are loved." She also wrote about fostering connections with the one you love.
What did I learn in English 101? Remember when we learned about "active and passive"? Now, you may be wondering how "active and passive" solves problems in relationships between men and women?
English 101 taught me many things about relationships:
1. Thoughts, feelings, wishes, needs, fears, anxieties, goals, and hopes must be actively communicated in relationships;
2. Communicating the above is not sufficient for satisfying relationships and connections between men and women;
3. Communicating passively to the messages or feelings initiated by your significant other completes a connection and validates your significant other.
4. Communicating both actively and passively creates security, importance, and connectivity in relationships.
Let me give you a practical example. Love is very important in relationships between men and women, but very difficult to communicate successfully. How do you feel when you say "I love you" and your significant other says "me too". Pretty empty and childlike, isn't it?
How would you feel if your significant other responded to your feeling "I love you" by saying "I feel really loved by you"? Wouldn't that make you feel like you had succeeded in loving your significant other?
How would you and your significant other feel if both of you began connecting with each other by saying "I love you and I feel loved by you"?
Forming satisfying and emotionally sensitive relationships between men and women is possible. In The Relationship Choice I wrote about two recipes for satisfying and sensitive relationships between men and women. There is a recipe for communicating feelings and values to your significant other and also a recipe for style.
You can have satisfying and sensitive relationships with your significant other.
Remember, You Live within the Environment Created by Your Choices!
Dr. Hal
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