To Be a Good Friend
"To be a good friend" was my burly, but gentle grandson's immediate response to my question. I asked him "what is the most important thing you have learned from your parents".
I didn't know what to expect. I was having a lot of fun and I had no idea what he might say. In retrospect, I certainly didn't expect him to say "to be a good friend".
He went on to say he has learned to "always say Hi to people" and "to play games by their rules".
As Paul Harvey says, "And now for the rest of the story".
During his first year of life this grandson had excruciating, painful earaches. As he grew older, it became apparent that he had a significant hearing loss. He needed speech therapy. Although he has benefited from speech therapy, at times, his speech still is difficult to understand.
As a child psychologist I knew that children with significant hearing losses, oftentimes, isolate and withdraw from relationships. They become loners without friends. Jack, could have been one of those children lost in a world without hearing.
Instead, Jack is a very animated grandson with unbelievable facial and nonverbal gestures. He has never chosen to give up. No matter how frustrated he has become in making himself understandable to others, he never quits talking with his words, face and body. I marveled at his strength of character and determination.
Think about this! Rather than seeing himself as a victim, Jack proudly perceives himself "as a good friend".
My last two blogs have been on fear-based parenting. Certainly his parents had a basis to be fearful, because of his hearing disability. Fortunately, they didn't parent Jack with fear. They raised Jack like their other children. They read to him every night. They kept him as busy as he could be in team sports and other school activities. Jack was not raised differently, because of his hearing loss.
It is always such a joy to see Jack, who has chosen not to live in a world of isolation and instead has chosen "to be a good friend" to all. "To be a good friend" is a wonderful gift given to Jack by his parents.
Remember, Children Live within the Environment Created by their Parents!
Dr. Hal
Life and Mental Fitness Coach
That is a very inspiring post. Thanks for sharing it in the Carnival of Family Life which will be posted later today. We have LOTS of wonderful submissions, so stop by and read the others!
Posted by: JHS | February 11, 2007 at 03:31 PM
Wonderful post! I think we could all learn something from your grandson. :O) Here from the carnival of family Life.
Posted by: Mary (Mert) | February 12, 2007 at 11:29 AM
Thanks for sharing that. I love reading about kids overcoming their own personal Goliaths in life. I remind myself everyday that the things that matter most for my kids to master and be good at aren't the subjects that get letter grades. ;o)
Hugs,
Holly
Holly's Corner
Here via the Carnival of Family Life. ;o)
Posted by: Holly Schwendiman | February 12, 2007 at 12:46 PM
I love this post Dr. Hal! I am planning on reading the other posts about fear-based parenting also. Sometimes Doctors and others can say things about our kids that we get fearful about and we need to remember that our kids pick up on our energies and we should never treat them like they are broken.
Today from CFL but would have came sometime or other anyway!
Posted by: Karen Lynch | February 12, 2007 at 03:23 PM
Great post. I think it is a very important message to get out. The world we live in and the world our children live in is what we make it.
Here via the carnival of family life.
Posted by: Lisa | February 13, 2007 at 09:18 AM